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September 2012 Moms
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Need a polite way to break it to my mom

cmiller0623cmiller0623 member
in September 2012 Moms

That I dont really want her at the hospital till after DD is born.  We've talked before about who will be in the room (just me and DF) and she was cool with that.  She just said to me "let me know when you go in labor, i want to be there id hate to miss it" and i replied (this is over email) i said that we didnt expect anyone to come up till after shes born, cause there isnt much to do but sit and wait.  She said she wants to come up and wait anyway which if its in the waiting room isnt a problem but knowing my mother she will stress me out to no end wanting to be with me while I'm in labor.

Heres the tough part: DF drives over the road and will be gone 7-10 days at a time, then home for a few days.  We decided when he took that job that should I go into labor while hes gone, my dad will sit with me till he gets there (he'll be able to get to an airport and get home asap if needed)  The only reason I wanted my dad there if DF is unable to be is because my dad is very good at keeping calm and not freaking out unlike my mom.  I dont want to tell her we decided that because i know she will get her feelings hurt, but she takes everything so personal and does not do well in stressful medical situations like my dad does.

How can i break this news to her without upseting her too much? That is only a backup plan if DF isnt home when labor starts, but when he gets there my dad and i planned he'll wait in the waiting room like everyone else till DF and I get to bond with DD.

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Re: Need a polite way to break it to my mom

  • tinyhumantoetinyhumantoe member

    Can you just delay calling your mom? 

    OR - If you let the nurses know what your wishes are, then your mom being in the waiting room shouldn't stress you out - just let everyone know she can't come in and you don't want to hear about her being there.

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  • gingerfamilygingerfamily member
    Honestly, just be honest with her.  Her feelings are going to be hurt no matter what.  But, you need to do it now and not the day of. 
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  • MegroonsMegroons member
    Wait...are your parents married ? If so, how will you ever get your Dad there without your Mom knowing? If they aren't I understand how she wouldn't find out and I wouldn't even tell her! My Mom would be really upset and I wouldn't blame her. I get where you're coming from though and  I wouldn't want to be under more stress than I needed to be.

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  • tinyhumantoetinyhumantoe member

    I thought some more about this.  If your mom wants to come sit in the waiting room for 3 hours, or 8, or ??....... then why not let her?  Just tell everyone in the room - your nurses, your H, your dad, etc. that you do not want to hear about her, and she may NOT come in. 

    Then you can just be VERY clear with your mom that you will let her know when you head in, but she must understand that it will be only you and DH in the room during labor.  Explain that she might be waiting out there for hours!  Then you don't have to hurt her feelings any more than that, right?

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  • DFWIndianDFWIndian member
    How do you deal with her normally? My mom and Dad are like this. I told them I'll call them when I'm in labor, but they won't be allowed in the room at all. When they got upset and asked why I said because you're dramatic and I can't handle you stressing me out. Plain and simple. Sure they were upset, but they are parents and they will get over it.
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  • cmiller0623cmiller0623 member

    these are good points ladies.  no my parents are not married, they cant stand each other lol also, and maybe i shouldve been clearer, i have no problem with her waiting in the waiting room that doesnt bother me, i just dont want her in MY room with me.

    her waiting in the waiting room wont stress me out, her trying to get into my room is what would stress me, since she is very sensitive and like i said doesnt handle medical situations very well.

    normally, i am rather blunt with her (a necessity over the years to deal with her) but im trying to be gentle and hurt her feelings as little as possible, but like you all said her feelings will get hurt no matter what.

    i think the best thing is like what everyone has said, just be clear with her and the nurses as to what we want to happen and we'll go from there.  i appreciate everyones advice as always :) thank you!

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