Nurse-to-sleep association - I need advice!

ladybug122 · August 2012

My daughter has a strong nurse-to-sleep association, in fact it is the only way I am able to get her to fall sleep. We bed share, and she wakes up multiple times a night needing to be nursed back to sleep (sometimes its as few as 2 times, sometimes its once an hour or more). I have tried unsuccessfully to do some sleep light training, such as patting and rocking instead of nursing - but she gets worked up and vomits each time (she vomits extremely easily). I tried the Pantly Pull Off as well but didn't keep up with it after she kept waking up completely each time.

Now it has been over 1 year of being the only one able to put her to sleep for bedtime and the only one able to take care of her each time she wakes. I don't mind bed sharing, I just want her to be able to go to sleep without nursing. I am tired and some nights I feel hopeless, like I have gotten myself into an impossible situation to get out of. I want to know if there is hope for her to out-grow this or if I have to do something more drastic in order to get her to learn new habits.

So my question is: Have any of you had a child who has taught themselves to fall asleep without nursing after they had a nurse-to-sleep association?

TIA!

acia · August 2012

My first daughter had a very serious addiction to my boob - she needed it all day and all night! Until she was about 12 months, she nursed around the clock, every couple hours. It was the only way to put her to sleep, and she wanted it every time she woke up. It was exhausting, so I feel your pain.

If you really want to break it, you might have to bite the bullet and endure some crying (and perhaps vomiting in your case). With my DD, we did a very modified CIO technique that I called "hug it out." We also decided to transition to a crib (we had been bedsharing) because I think the temptation of having my boobs right next to her all night was not helping (plus I was ready to have some space and solid sleep).

So the way it worked was that I nursed her but didn't let her fall asleep (which meant nursing her a bit earlier in the night, in a different place than I usually did), then at bedtime I rocked her a bit, got her as drowsy as I could without nursing her, and then put her in the crib. When she got upset (i.e. 3 seconds later), I did everything I could to calm her without taking her out of the crib, including hugging her over the crib rails as she would stand up almost immediately. I stayed in in the room the entire time, never left her side, tried to calm her verbally and with my touch. I had to be very strict about not picking her up or giving in and nursing (which was very, very HARD), because I knew that if I did that it would set things back even further, confuse her, and do more harm than good in the long run. Eventually she fell asleep, without nursing for the first time, which felt SO good. I did the same thing throughout the night when she woke (I actually put a mattress in the room with her to ease the transition from bedsharing). My daughter put up a fuss (i.e. she cried, a lot) for the first 2-3 nights, and after that I was able to rock her a bit, put her in the crib, and she went to sleep and slept usually about 9 solid hours. I should also say that even though she was young, I explained what was going to happen, showed her the crib, let her sit in it, etc. so that it wouldn't be as much of a shock.

Now she's almost 3 and such a fantastic, independent sleeper. She's in a big girl bed and will sleep usually 10-12 hours a night, only waking up if she has a bad dream or is sick.

Oh, and it definitely didn't hurt our nursing relationship. I still nursed her every morning and night until she was 26 months, only stopping because I was pregnant with #2 and my boobs hurt too much!

Good luck!!

ncbelle · August 2012

I would try having someone else put her down for naps and/or bedtime to start - or even just being out of the house at bed time. She may be mad about it but assuming she will be in the loving arms of a caregiver, she will be ok! I think it helps tremendously for your partner to be able to get baby down too. You might also check out the Jay Gordon night weaning method. We did a modified version with Callum around 15 months and may soon with Eleanor. Even if you don't want to fully nightwean, it might give you some ideas. I do think the PPO works to if you stick with it for a few weeks - although I had trouble with that as I'd just fall asleep ;-)

KMEss86 · August 2012

My son has needed to be nursed to sleep pretty much from day 1. He is now 18 months. I understand, it is exhausting. But I was also never able to stick with any sleep training methods. He is just now starting to nurse, and then come off on his own, while awake, and then fall asleep with me laying next to him. I think we are going in the right direction

hang in there!

ladybug122 · August 2012

acia:
My first daughter had a very serious addiction to my boob - she needed it all day and all night! Until she was about 12 months, she nursed around the clock, every couple hours. It was the only way to put her to sleep, and she wanted it every time she woke up. It was exhausting, so I feel your pain.
If you really want to break it, you might have to bite the bullet and endure some crying (and perhaps vomiting in your case). With my DD, we did a very modified CIO technique that I called "hug it out." We also decided to transition to a crib (we had been bedsharing) because I think the temptation of having my boobs right next to her all night was not helping (plus I was ready to have some space and solid sleep).
So the way it worked was that I nursed her but didn't let her fall asleep (which meant nursing her a bit earlier in the night, in a different place than I usually did), then at bedtime I rocked her a bit, got her as drowsy as I could without nursing her, and then put her in the crib. When she got upset (i.e. 3 seconds later), I did everything I could to calm her without taking her out of the crib, including hugging her over the crib rails as she would stand up almost immediately. I stayed in in the room the entire time, never left her side, tried to calm her verbally and with my touch. I had to be very strict about not picking her up or giving in and nursing (which was very, very HARD), because I knew that if I did that it would set things back even further, confuse her, and do more harm than good in the long run. Eventually she fell asleep, without nursing for the first time, which felt SO good. I did the same thing throughout the night when she woke (I actually put a mattress in the room with her to ease the transition from bedsharing). My daughter put up a fuss (i.e. she cried, a lot) for the first 2-3 nights, and after that I was able to rock her a bit, put her in the crib, and she went to sleep and slept usually about 9 solid hours. I should also say that even though she was young, I explained what was going to happen, showed her the crib, let her sit in it, etc. so that it wouldn't be as much of a shock.
Now she's almost 3 and such a fantastic, independent sleeper. She's in a big girl bed and will sleep usually 10-12 hours a night, only waking up if she has a bad dream or is sick.
Oh, and it definitely didn't hurt our nursing relationship. I still nursed her every morning and night until she was 26 months, only stopping because I was pregnant with #2 and my boobs hurt too much!
Good luck!!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It is good to hear from someone who was in my situation and now has a good sleeping toddler after working on the issue. Thank you for giving me hope and advice!

ladybug122 · August 2012

ncbelle:
I would try having someone else put her down for naps and/or bedtime to start - or even just being out of the house at bed time. She may be mad about it but assuming she will be in the loving arms of a caregiver, she will be ok! I think it helps tremendously for your partner to be able to get baby down too. You might also check out the Jay Gordon night weaning method. We did a modified version with Callum around 15 months and may soon with Eleanor. Even if you don't want to fully nightwean, it might give you some ideas. I do think the PPO works to if you stick with it for a few weeks - although I had trouble with that as I'd just fall asleep ;-)

Unfortunately my partner is living away from us for 6 months (he moved for grad school and I am finishing undergrad) so I can't rely on him for bedtime or naptimes. But that makes a lot of sense, so if by the time we move we are still having these issues, I will give that a try. I heard of Jay Gordon a while ago but never looked into it, so since you recommend it too I will go read up now. Thank you!

ladybug122 · August 2012

KMEss86:
My son has needed to be nursed to sleep pretty much from day 1. He is now 18 months. I understand, it is exhausting. But I was also never able to stick with any sleep training methods. He is just now starting to nurse, and then come off on his own, while awake, and then fall asleep with me laying next to him. I think we are going in the right direction hang in there!

Thanks! Good luck to you, hope the progress continues!

CalinsBride · August 2012

We did Dr. Jay Gordon's night-weaning method with DS, and we are going to do the same with DD.

JessieJH · August 2012

I don't have the answer, but just wanted to say you are not alone. Last night my LO nursed on the hour and I am EXHAUSTED. I haven't had the heart or desire to sleep train. I like co-sleeping, but am desperate for her to go to sleep without being nursed down. Lately it's gotten so bad that even when she falls asleep I can't get out of bed (she wakes up if she's not touching me). It's crazy. I would like to hang out with my husband a little bit, without going to bed at 7:00 and would love to get more than 2 hours in a row of sleep. Right now I'm not at the breaking point, but I'm starting to think that we may have to try some sort of training (side car a crib and deal with some crying). I just don't know.

seanaub04 · August 2012

My lo also nurses to sleep and wakes 2 or 3 times a night to pacify on me. We have a 2 nd baby on the way. I've been perfectly fine co sleeping, but it's not going to work with a newborn.

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