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PPD versus grief

ToastieSimonsToastieSimons member
in Special Needs

I feel like anytime someone asks me how I'm doing and I respond honestly (I'm sad, angry, scared, overwhelmed and tired) they instantly start going on how I should go to the doctor for postpartum depression.

We just got DS2's diagnosis like 2 weeks ago.  I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve it because it's so close to my delivery.  Obviously I'm feeling this way because of postpartum depression.  It's NOT possible that it's because we just got a genetic diagnosis that our last baby is also going to have special needs.  

Am I in the wrong here?  Yes I have a lot of the symptoms of PPD, but I also have a lot of the symptoms of grief.  My theory is that unless I can't take care of my children or it doesn't start improving then I should go to the doctor   

To my boys:  I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
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Re: PPD versus grief

  • Florak8Florak8

    Gosh, that would be annoying. Instead of getting support for the emotional blow, you get stuck in a PPD category.

    I might respond, "Yes,  as a woman who just gave birth, I am at risk for PPD. But I am also grieving my baby's diagnosis." 

    You might even add, "I feel like calling it PPD minimizes what has been a huge emotional blow to our family."

    And, not that you asked for my two cents (sounds like you have been getting MANY cents lately ), but you may want to try some counseling. Anyone grieving can use a captive audience for an hour a week. Don't tell your PITA MIL, though.

    .
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  • lite-brightlite-bright member

    I think people like a neat solution. Kind of like the standard, "oh, you're worried about nothing, your kid is fine blahblahblah." You're feeling crappy? Just had a baby? Must be PPD, go to the doc and get some meds, voila, you're fixed. 

    Life is messier than that. Processing a dx right after birth has to be messy, especially when it's such a huge adjustment period anyway. And I think that to some extent, people going straight to PPD as "your problem" are minimizing the fact that the dx, all by itself, would be upsetting and grief-inducing no matter WHEN you got it. We all get that part. You have a right to that process and that grief, and yeah, I'd be kind of pissed that people are brushing that aside and basically saying the problem is your hormones/brain chemistry, not the situation. I would probably start telling people "I would be upset about getting this diagnosis no matter when it happened."

    But I don't think that "can't take care of the kids/doesn't start improving" is necessarily the right threshold, either. I let things go way too long on my PPA/PPD after DD2 using a similar POV; I'd have a better day and think I was doing okay, but my sense of "feeling better" was skewed, so I didn't realize how far from normal I was really feeling even on the "good" days. 

    You're not in the wrong. But just be careful, keep your support system/docs apprised of how you're feeling, and try to check in with yourself as honestly as you can. You want to give yourself time to process, but at the same time don't want to let feeling terrible go on too long just because in your head you're labeling it grief rather than PPD or depression, KWIM? When like auntie said, things can be so closely tied/mixed up that you may not really be able to separate them. 

    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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  • goldenleavesgoldenleaves member
    I was crazy depressed when Lauren was in the hospital for her OHS. The thoughts I had scared me, even at the time. I wondered how I would kill myself if she died. I think maybe it was a mix of PPD and grief for me and improbably should've seen somebody about it. My thoughts: it won't hurt to maybe see a therapist once and get a professional opinion. You don't have to go again if you think it's worthless. I wish I would've and I might still.
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  • JcrabJcrab
    Hugs Sweetie! You are dealing with a lot. Of course you are grieving a big loss. Maybe one reason people are pushing the PPD factor is that they are more comfortable talking about PPD than the diagnosis and grief. I agree that therapy to cent and process your feelings would be a great and safe release, but of course an extreme challenge to find the time / availability. Please talk to your MD and any people in your life that you can trust and be open with. Hugs!
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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member
    I am an OB nurse and I can see what you mean.  Of course, as you know you are at risk.  However that being said, you are totally allowed and expected to grieve.  Especially so soon after giving birth.  Your hormones are still fluxuating, you're tired, and you just got a diagnosis that is a devestating blow.  Anyone would react like you are and if they hadn't just had a baby, they wouldn't be judged as PPD.  I don't think you're wrong here.  You are entitled.  Just keep in back of your mind if you don't seem to be "getting thru this" see your doc before it gets any worse. Hugs to you.
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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member
    imagelite-bright:

    I think people like a neat solution. Kind of like the standard, "oh, you're worried about nothing, your kid is fine blahblahblah." You're feeling crappy? Just had a baby? Must be PPD, go to the doc and get some meds, voila, you're fixed. 

    Life is messier than that.

    God I love this sentiment.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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