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June 2011 Moms
Melissa2216
member
Would this bother you? (NBR)
Melissa2216
member
My birthday is tomorrow and money is pretty tight right now. Originally, DH had talked about getting me an iPad, but that's not happening b/c he can't afford it and I don't think I'd use it that much. I'm fine with that.
DH asked earlier this week if I wanted to go
to lunch tomorrow and have MIL watch DS. That sounded ok. DH suggested
The Cheesecake Factory, which I love, but I was hoping to go to this new
seafood buffet place. Then I found out that he only suggested that b/c
he has a gift card that he got from his parents for Father's Day. I
really would have liked to choose where to eat since 1) DH and I NEVER
go on dates and 2) it's my birthday. It sort of cheapens it that he's
basically re-gifting a gift card and it's not actually HIM taking me
out, KWIM? I feel like I will just be bitter and annoyed the whole time
we're at lunch.
Plus, DH has been away on business the last 3 days and I'm exhausted. He got back last night after DS was asleep. This morning I got DS up, changed him, fed him, played with him, etc. DH spent most of that time looking for the stupid gift card, even after I pointed out that I could use a break and he could look for it after DS goes to bed tonight.
DH just left at 9am to go play hockey in his hometown 40 miles away. He then showers at his parents house and he doesn't usually get back until about 3pm. I. am. so. tired. and. I need. a. break.
I'm just feeling very unappreciated right now. Thanks for letting me vent. Would you be bothered by the gift card thing?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Would this bother you? (NBR)
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Honestly, I think the playing hockey all day would bother me more than the giftcard. But that's coming from me, who only gets to spend 2.5 weeks with DH and DS since I work the other 1.5 weekends. However, DH and I don't really have any hobbies or anything to spend time away from one another so if a random day came up that DH wanted to go and do something with some friends I wouldn't have a problem with it.
If money was super tight, I wouldn't be bothered by the giftcard. It's actually being more responsible by using that versus putting you more in debt by going someone else for a nice meal.
Just my two cents...sounds like you may just need a break. Maybe for your birthday DH could watch your child while you soak in a bubble bath or sit outside and read a book? Just some time for yourself to relax a little bit.
Happy Birthday!!
I agree with PPs that I don't see the gift card as a big deal. Although, if you really want to try the seafood place you could drop a hint that next time you guys go out, you'd like to go there. Or, you could always say, "Why don't we save the gift card for _____, and try this seafood place for my b-day?" Maybe he won't be able to find the card, and you'll end up where you want to go anyway, lol.
I think you are stressed, and DH not picking up on it is getting you upset (I know that is often the situation here). I pretty much have to spell it out for my DH: I need me-time, and I'd like to ___________ while you stay home with LO. Otherwise he really doesn't get it. Hope you get a chance to relax.
I'm with you melissa. Even if money was tight, I would want to pick where we were going for my birthday, unless it was a surprise and that would be a snazzy restaurant not in the budget. It would also bug me that he was using a gift card he did not buy and the hockey thing would really irritate me.
My hubby has actually not golfed in forever, because he says it takes to long and that would not be fair to me since he already works a ton. He will get to golf when we go on vacation in september and I will have him watch B for an hour while I get my toes done or something. Maybe the hubby needs a talk so you can have some releif.
Ask him to take you to the seafood restaurant. Can't hurt to ask right. I hope tomorrow turns out better than today. I know the feeling of being sooooo tired. I feel like a single mom most of the time. I give all the credit in the world to single moms. I do not know how they do it. Any who.
Hang in there mama and try to have a happy birthday tomorrow!
Happy birthday!
The gift card thing wouldn't bother me. The comment about HIM takin you out is weird to me. HE is TAKING you out. Idk. It wouldn't bother me.
It would however bother me if I needed a break and DH wasn't giving it to me. You definitely need to spell it out for him and let him know you're gonna pull your hair out lol
Yes it would bother me big time. First he was going to get you an ipad, you are the one who decided not to because you wouldn't use it much and money is tight. So he went from spending a lot of money to barely putting any effort to taking you out using his gift card. And then taking the day for himself. If money is that tight he shouldn't be waisting the gas to go out either. I could go on but I might get more pissed on how your birthday is taking a back seat to his fun.
All of this. I would be annoyed that DH isn't asking what I might need as in time to yourself. I am all for saving money. Happy Birthday!
Yep, this is pretty much exactly it.
Thanks for putting things in perspective, ladies. I guess the gift card thing wouldn't have bothered me if he had said, "I don't have a lot of money right now, but we can use this gift card so we can still go out." Instead, he made it seem like he was treating me to a restaurant he knows I like. Then later, he said, "Hey, do you know where that gift card is?" I didn't even know he had a gift card for that place.
BTW, he found the gift card.
I agree with everyone on the gift card thing. I don't think that it would have bothered me that much. I do agree that you need to sit him down and let him know you need a break.
I hope you have a nice birthday!
No, that wouldn't bother me. I don't think it matters how the bill gets paid, whether a gift card or cash/credit - you're still enjoying a meal together. And unless you have separate bank accounts, it wouldn't be him taking you out anyway, if that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is I would look at it as what you are doing, not who is paying.
I can see wanting to choose the restaurant. Did you actually tell YH that you want to go somewhere else (sorry if you've answered already - I haven't read the rest of the thread yet)?
I get what you're saying, but yes, we do have separate bank accounts. We have the bills divided up so we each do our own thing. We also have a joint account, but we don't really use it.
No, I didn't really get the chance to mention the seafood place since DH pretty much had just the one place in mind when he asked me. Once I found out about the gift card, I felt bad requesting another restaurant and forcing him to pay with a credit card.