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noryang
member
Please help. Human pacifer in desparate need of advice.
noryang
member
I am truly getting desparate, battling serious depression, etc. Ever since we transitioned overseas my daughter will NOT sleep or nap unless she is using my breast as a pacifier. I have tried everything to get her to sleep. I try to give her a pacifier. I have ever held it in her mouth out of desperation. Once she is asleep she continues to suck. If I try to delatch her she wakes up and is pissed. The result is a waaaay overtired baby and a desparate mama. My six month is getting half of the amount of sleep she needs - literally. I can't get a minute to myself. My relationship with my husband is seriously suffering and I am starting to get into a very dark space in my head. If I don't give her my breast she throws what I can only describe as a temper tantrum. She will hit, kick, head butt me. i don't mind nursing her to sleep but to HAVE to nurse her for hours at a time just for her to sleep is an intolerable situation. Please help with any advice.
Soon to be Big Sister Eowyn - DOB February 2012
My family is a Foreign Service family. Families like mine are posted in every corner of the globe. We live our lives away from family, friends and the conviences and comforts of home. We often live and work in dangerous places among those that misunderstand our intentions and purposes. Sometimes members of our ranks sacrifice our lives to further diplomacy. Please remember that we serve too. And I'm always open to questions.
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Re: Please help. Human pacifer in desparate need of advice.
My family is a Foreign Service family. Families like mine are posted in every corner of the globe. We live our lives away from family, friends and the conviences and comforts of home. We often live and work in dangerous places among those that misunderstand our intentions and purposes. Sometimes members of our ranks sacrifice our lives to further diplomacy. Please remember that we serve too. And I'm always open to questions.
I'm assuming your not sleeping well either, I can't sleep well if one of my children is latched on. Have you tried having DH take to another room and give a bottles for one night so you can get a good night's sleep. My DH took my son to another room one night at 6 months and slept with him. DS did not wake up and it was amazing how much better and happier I was after getting one good stretch. I was in a pretty dark place at that time also. I think getting one good night of sleep will help and as long as you don't make a habit of it your supply won't be too badly affected. I mIght even choose to go to a hotel if you would hear her crying in another room in your hotel.
One other suggestion is if you don't mind the nursing during the day is using a sling or carrier so you have you hands free to do other things during the day.
Even if you don't do the night idea can you get out by yourself for a few hours. Once I started going out without DS on occasion it helped me feel a better. Even if she cries the whole time in DH's arms she's not going to be permanently scarred by it.
Finally, I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I promise you she won't nurse like this forever. She'll grow and develop and eventually this stage will pass. Just keeping reminding yourself of that. Take care of yourself because that's just as important as taking care of DD. you can't be a good mother if you're totally run down. Also I went to therapy after my first and she really emphasized that I needed to let go of the shoulds and trying to be the perfect mom. Good luck.
Have you tried different pacifiers? I know it's hard, DS was a big comfort nurser too and never did take to any. The Nuks were hit and miss, the rest were a big fail.
I know this is controversial but... she is old enough to do some sleep training if you are open to it. 6 months is actually a pretty good age to start since there aren't too many milestones being worked on (it's harder once they are crawling, pulling up etc). You could introduce a safe lovey for self soothing if you are comfortable with it.
We STed around 5 months because DS was nursing constantly at night and at that point, I knew he could/should go longer than 2 hours. It honestly saved my sanity. It might be harder if you bedshare (as your sig says) but you could try the No Cry Sleep Solution... Didn't work for us, but some people have luck with it.
Here is what worked for us when he was using me as a pacifier. He wouldn't take a pacifier and wouldn't take a bottle. My husband works nights. At his 4 month appointment I was at my wit's end because I was having to lay down with him at 6pm every night and not leave our bed (we co-slept) because otherwise DS would wake up.
My doctor and MW both said that I needed to let him cry a little bit. Note: NOT CIO. But enough that I could go to the bathroom should I need to. For some reason I just hadn't realized that it would be ok. So I let him cry for 3 minutes and then he was asleep. It was glorious. That worked until a few weeks ago and he was getting too mobile. Neither of us were getting any sleep. I worked on getting him to sleep in his crib (which was not much work since he realized he was sleeping better) and he stopped sucking on me all night.
Not saying any of this is what is going to work for you, but co-sleeping was not working any longer, for either of us. I miss it though.
*M&M* Super Pitbulls