Non-clicky Poll re: "Pull and Pray" - I need your story

ElatedMom2B · August 2012

So....how many people have gotten pregnant while practicing the "Pull and Pray" method? I mean, seriously trying NOT to get pregnant - not those that said they weren't trying but weren't preventing to have a child. Explain your situation without going into, obviously, the intimate details. Leading up to your pregnancy, did your husband feel that he was a "professional" (as mine does) and that there is no way he could have mis-timed it? I am just trying to get some real, first hand stories to show my husband just how possible it is. He thinks that there is no way he could mess it up!

Thanks!

chelseymat · August 2012

I don't have a story but the "Pre-***" as it's called has the highest semen concentration. You husband cannot control that aspect anyway, even if he is a "professional". I wouldn't risk it.

penguingrrl · August 2012

I have never used pull and pray if I wasn't open to a pregnancy because I've never met someone who avoided pregnancy with pull and pray. I know quite a few people who got pregnant with it.

alli2672 · August 2012

As far as I know it's a reasonable birth control method if you trust your husband to do it right. It isn't as effective as the pill or anything, but the whole pre-*** having semen in it is a myth (unless you are having sex so frequently that your husband hasn't urinated between ejaculations).

Ooglybear · August 2012

Withdrawal has a 4% failure rate with perfect use. Compare that to condoms, which has 2% failure rate with perfect use. Failure rate for typical use for both is about 18% (but I've seen those numbers vary depending on where you look).

So even if he didn't "mess up," you could still end up PG as part of that 4 out of 100 women per year. (That's the case with all BC, but at lower percentages.) With that said, its not a terrible BC option IMO.

sophie206 · August 2012

We've used it at a few points in our relationship without any mess-ups/accidents. Of course I am not the most fertile person, anyway.

SamanthaG+3 · August 2012

That is the method me and DH have used for the past 7 years. It has worked for us. We hate condoms and I can't be on birth control bc I have a blood clotting disorder (Factor V Leiden). But I also keep track of my periods and usually know when my fertile "window" is. The only time I HAVE gotten pregnant, is when he decided not to pull out. All 3 times, lol. With this last one, I knew as soon as he did it that I was going to be pregnant and told him that...sure enough!

pastalady · August 2012

I don't think it is a valid form of birth control. If you want to prevent pregnancy just find another method. If your using it for religious reasons, if you chart as well and avoid fertile periods I guess it may help. But yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it failed lol!

chelseymat · August 2012

alli2672:
As far as I know it's a reasonable birth control method if you trust your husband to do it right. It isn't as effective as the pill or anything, but the whole pre-*** having semen in it is a myth (unless you are having sex so frequently that your husband hasn't urinated between ejaculations).

Fascinating. You learn something new everyday. I will stop repeating said myth!

FormerlyKrista555 · August 2012

I don't understand why he would even want to do that.

My DH says that it's a build-up and then huge disappointment for his boys. He'd rather wear a condom.

notkateanymore · August 2012

chelseymat:
You husband cannot control that aspect anyway, even if he is a "professional". I wouldn't risk it.

LOL

hjk5000 · August 2012

sophie206:
We've used it at a few points in our relationship without any mess-ups/accidents. Of course I am not the most fertile person, anyway.

this.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2012

My second is a pull n pray baby. We were tired of using condoms and I thought I was past my fertile window, so we did it one time. 2 weeks later I got a BFP. He definitely pulled out in time so it wasn't technically a pull n pray fail.

ta78 · August 2012

There is the risk of precum.. My friend got pregnant while using condoms.. she said he didn't put them on until he was close to finishing. So I imagine that would be similar to pull and pray. They definitely weren't trying to get pregnant.

vlagrl29 · August 2012

We used pull and pray when we got married up until we were TTC and it worked for us. I also used it with my first husband and never got pregnant with him either. My first husband would wait until he felt he was close, pull out and put a condom on and then go back in and finish. Currently I'm on bc pills and we do pull out. I feel pretty confident I won't get pregnant. We maybe have sex like twice a month so i'm not worried

ElatedMom2B · August 2012

Thanks for the replies ladies. I know its not 100%, of course...I am not an idiot. I don't want to go back on BC - with the blessing and encouragement of DH - because I was on it for 20 years, have a high risk of breast cancer in my family (both my mother and her sister had it - along with some form of cancer in every other family member preceding me. Dad has prostate and had colon and his brother died of pancreatic). In later years, I have also had depression issues while on the BCP and have tried several different types with no change. Since not being on BCP this past year, we have both noticed a huge difference. DH flat out refuses to get a vasectomy so he swears that there is nothing wrong with his pull and pray method and refuses to wear condoms. Our sex life has taken a dive - aside from just plain old being tired, I am also concerned about the risk. I am just trying to convince him to get the vasectomy and I don't understand why he won't, all of our friends who are done with children have done it and have even tried to convince him. Yes, I have done the research, but that is why I was actually looking for stories from people where it has totally failed. Thanks again.

vlagrl29 · August 2012

I don't understand why he won't get a vasectomy? after we have our next DH is getting one. Maybe he just needs to talk to his guy friends that have one to make him feel better about it. DH was afraid that if he got one he wouldn't be able to "shoot" anymore but that's not the case

Temp6313048411121614 · August 2012

How about the Paragard or a diaphragm? We used P&P before we were married and it never failed us, but I would never be shocked to get KU using that method. DH got the "V" when our twins were 2m old. A few months later I really regretted it (had 2nd thought about being done for almost 1 year), and he was unable to be numbed, so he had a ton of pain (though it's rare). If your DH refuses a vasectomy and/or condoms, then I'd try some sort of non-hormonal BC for yourself if getting pg would really be that bad.

Dochas · August 2012

I guess we used this lol. But it was with the use of a fertility monitor and we either avoided or used condoms while I was ovulating.

ElatedMom2B · August 2012

Thinking about trying the non-hormonal IUD option. I am very scared about it as I have had a handful of friends with bad experiences (shifting, uncomfortable, horrible bleeding - not just the first three month spotting but painful and heavy periods, just to name a couple). However, I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a try and at least I can say that I tried something and, if it works, great.

Bella427 · August 2012

We used P&P in between DD and DS and it worked for us for over a year, and we are very fertile. That being said, I was only okay with using P&P b/c we wanted a second child eventually and it wouldn't have been that bad if they were just a little closer together than we'd hoped. Now we have 2 kids and both feel our family is complete but DH is procrastinating on getting the snip. (Our youngest is 14 months). So, we're using condoms because I'm much less willing to chance having a 3rd. If he doesn't step up soon, I'm getting Paraguard!

Mrs.V · August 2012

DH and I did this for 6 months before TTCing. Then we started again after DS1 was born, while I was BFing and hadn't started BC pills. Well, I got pregnant when DS1 was 7 months old. Looking back now, I don't know why I was so shocked! It's not an birth control method. I wouldn't do it if you do not want another pregnancy.

notkateanymore · August 2012

ElatedMom2B:
Thanks for the replies ladies. I know its not 100%, of course...I am not an idiot. I don't want to go back on BC - with the blessing and encouragement of DH - because I was on it for 20 years, have a high risk of breast cancer in my family (both my mother and her sister had it - along with some form of cancer in every other family member preceding me. Dad has prostate and had colon and his brother died of pancreatic). In later years, I have also had depression issues while on the BCP and have tried several different types with no change. Since not being on BCP this past year, we have both noticed a huge difference. DH flat out refuses to get a vasectomy so he swears that there is nothing wrong with his pull and pray method and refuses to wear condoms. Our sex life has taken a dive - aside from just plain old being tired, I am also concerned about the risk. I am just trying to convince him to get the vasectomy and I don't understand why he won't, all of our friends who are done with children have done it and have even tried to convince him. Yes, I have done the research, but that is why I was actually looking for stories from people where it has totally failed. Thanks again.

I personally would tell my DH that if he wasn't going to get a vasectomy, he wasn't going to get anything else either.

Andrewsgal · August 2012

KateMW:
ElatedMom2B:
Thanks for the replies ladies. I know its not 100%, of course...I am not an idiot. I don't want to go back on BC - with the blessing and encouragement of DH - because I was on it for 20 years, have a high risk of breast cancer in my family (both my mother and her sister had it - along with some form of cancer in every other family member preceding me. Dad has prostate and had colon and his brother died of pancreatic). In later years, I have also had depression issues while on the BCP and have tried several different types with no change. Since not being on BCP this past year, we have both noticed a huge difference. DH flat out refuses to get a vasectomy so he swears that there is nothing wrong with his pull and pray method and refuses to wear condoms. Our sex life has taken a dive - aside from just plain old being tired, I am also concerned about the risk. I am just trying to convince him to get the vasectomy and I don't understand why he won't, all of our friends who are done with children have done it and have even tried to convince him. Yes, I have done the research, but that is why I was actually looking for stories from people where it has totally failed. Thanks again.
I personally would tell my DH that if he wasn't going to get a vasectomy, he wasn't going to get anything else either.

I agree. If he wants sex he gets snipped, seems pretty easy to me. DH and I got pregnant the first month we tried with three of my pregnancies and on BC the other pregnancy. We are very fertile and there is no way we would use the pull and pray if we were not ready for another one.

Gipper0809 · August 2012

See my siggy for a failed pull & pray method. We were in the mids of discussions about who was going to get fixed and I wasn't on BC because it makes me crazy. Yep--DS was not even 5 months old when I got pg. We are now embracing the life we are about to have but it wasn't really in the plans.

ajc0121 · August 2012

We used to use the pull and pray before I got pregnant. The reason I got pregnant is because we stopped using that! So for us, it worked just fine. Now that I know I dont want another one for a while we obviously use another form of birth control but at the time I didnt care either way and didnt get pregnant until we stopped doing that.

But, I dont think it is a reliable "method" of birth control. If you really dont want another baby, you should take a bit more responsibility.

nosoup4u · August 2012

Has he talked to a doctor about vasectomies? It's actually a pretty non-invasive procedure. I think if he's not willing to use condoms, then he needs a better method than PNP. The burden of birth control shouldn't only be on the woman.

If you're really not comfortable using any physical barriers, looking into Fertility Awareness Method. It's probably a good idea to chart and track your fertility, so you know if there's a chance of getting pregnant.

CiderWench · August 2012

My husband and I have done this since dd1 was born almost eleven years ago. We haven't had any surprise pregnancies.

Que*Syrah · August 2012

Is getting your tubes tied not an option? It sounds like you'd be willing to use BC if it didn't put you at greater risk for breast cancer, so why not be the one to "get snipped" so to speak, if you're sure you don't want another baby?

JOEBunny · August 2012

ElatedMom2B:
Thinking about trying the non-hormonal IUD option. I am very scared about it as I have had a handful of friends with bad experiences (shifting, uncomfortable, horrible bleeding - not just the first three month spotting but painful and heavy periods, just to name a couple). However, I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a try and at least I can say that I tried something and, if it works, great.

Bad periods are nothing compared to a child you are not looking to have IMO. I have paraguard. It can be annoying, especially if you are used to "birth control" periods, which are often chemically suppressed, but it isn't the paragard, so much as the natural periods. I am completely astounded by the number of people who did pull and pray, but maybe because in 20 years of having sex on the pill and/or with condoms, I never got pregnant and the 2nd and 3rd time I did, are now a girl and a boy.

ShellShockedMama · August 2012

we used pull and pray for many years (like 8 maybe?) before we decided to TTC. never became pregnant as a result of failure. the trick is actually PULLING and many avoid p&p (and use condoms) during their fertile window.

now though, with being pregnant with #2 and no desire for a #3 DH is getting a vasectomy. p&p does work but it can also fail (as can condoms) and I'm not comfortable with that potential at this point in my life.

ShellShockedMama · August 2012

CnAmom:
It isn't a completely horrible form of birth control but it does have a slightly higher failure rate than most other methods. That said, I got pregnant with DS2 after the failure of a more conventional form of birth control. Nothing (besides sterilization maybe) is 100% fail proof, and I personally wouldn't risk it if pregnancy wasn't something we were open to.

my friends husband got a vasectomy and she actually ended up pregnat bc I guess it didn't "take" or something went wrong bc when they tested his sperm count, it was really high. I think he had to do it twice. it caused her a lot of drama. thank God he baby was the spitting image of her husband. lol.

ShellShockedMama · August 2012

Que_Syrah:
Is getting your tubes tied not an option? It sounds like you'd be willing to use BC if it didn't put you at greater risk for breast cancer, so why not be the one to "get snipped" so to speak, if you're sure you don't want another baby?

getting ones tubes tied is an incredibly invasive and expensive procedure and, as all surgeries, has risks. if a permanent method is desired, a vasectomy is cheaper and easier in recovery. I'd never get my tubes tied, even though I dont want any more babies after #2. I've given birth. DH can do this.

notkateanymore · August 2012

ShellShockedMama:
Que_Syrah:
Is getting your tubes tied not an option? It sounds like you'd be willing to use BC if it didn't put you at greater risk for breast cancer, so why not be the one to "get snipped" so to speak, if you're sure you don't want another baby?
getting ones tubes tied is an incredibly invasive and expensive procedure and, as all surgeries, has risks. if a permanent method is desired, a vasectomy is cheaper and easier in recovery. I'd never get my tubes tied, even though I dont want any more babies after #2. I've given birth. DH can do this.

This. 100% I would hope that your husband was man enough to realize that one was major surgery and get over himself long enough to handle his business.

jehprb · August 2012

Obviously not the smartest/best decision we ever made because there were plenty of "bad" times to get pregnant in there but used P&P exclusively for 2 years without so much as an oops...even a handful of times where we forgot the pull part, eek! We actually thought it meant we might have trouble TTC but I got pg the first month we tried.

Que*Syrah · August 2012

ShellShockedMama:
Que_Syrah:
Is getting your tubes tied not an option? It sounds like you'd be willing to use BC if it didn't put you at greater risk for breast cancer, so why not be the one to "get snipped" so to speak, if you're sure you don't want another baby?
getting ones tubes tied is an incredibly invasive and expensive procedure and, as all surgeries, has risks. if a permanent method is desired, a vasectomy is cheaper and easier in recovery. I'd never get my tubes tied, even though I dont want any more babies after #2. I've given birth. DH can do this.

Well, I know that. But it seems like the PP has dismissed all other options and if she really and truly would NOT be able to cope with another baby and her husband refuses to get a vasectomy, it's still a valid option.

I know quite a few (5 to be exact) women who have had their tubes tied so I guess it just doesn't seem like *that* big of a risk to me. I do know that a vasectomy is a less invasive procedure though. I was just throwing it out as a last resort.

almostjennifer · August 2012

My cousin used it for three years and never got PG.

Personally, it wouldn't be my first choice. Messy and unfulfilling for everyone.

alli2672 · August 2012

Bella427:
We used P&P in between DD and DS and it worked for us for over a year, and we are very fertile. That being said, I was only okay with using P&P b/c we wanted a second child eventually and it wouldn't have been that bad if they were just a little closer together than we'd hoped. Now we have 2 kids and both feel our family is complete but DH is procrastinating on getting the snip. (Our youngest is 14 months). So, we're using condoms because I'm much less willing to chance having a 3rd. If he doesn't step up soon, I'm getting Paraguard!

Something like this.

It is not an alternative to a vasectomy!

babypuplove · August 2012

We used this method for two years after getting married and going off the pill. It worked. We used it again after we had our second child while discussing a vasectomy, and DH had his first slip up. We had a misunderstanding and he thought since my period had just ended, I wasn't fertile yet. After the slip up, I explained that my period had ended several days before, and I was about to enter my fertile window. Nine months later, along came our son. While we had decided we were done having children, we are thrilled that we now have three healthy little ones, but that doesn't mean we're going to let it happen again! I had my tubes tied after my c-section last week (he was all set to have a vasectomy if I did a VBAC) . No more slip ups for us. :-)

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