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November 2012 Moms
Pregnant after one-night stand. Due end November.
I am new here today and I am due with my first on 29 November.
I am 38 and going to be a single Mum, as I got pregnant in February, after a drunken one-stand with an ex-boss (10 years older). The company I work for went out for drinks and he was there. We started to talk and after a few drinks, went outside to talk. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I am now 23-24 weeks pregnant with his baby.
When I found out I was pregnant, I told him but he wants nothing to do with me and it couldn't be his baby (it is) - he claims to have had a vasectomy, but I know that is a lie as I am friends with his ex-wife. He has 2 children (in their 20's) and says his days of being a new father are over. He also blamed me for not using protection, but he didn't either.
So I am facing up to being a single Mum. I know that this baby is going to be loved by my family. I don't know what I would do without them or my friends for support.
The father also said the only way I will hear from him is through his lawyers, as he said he wants to get a DNA test to prove it is his and that he will probably want to get access if it is. I said I'd agree to the DNA, but after the way he has treated me - denying he is the father - he is going to have to fight to get access. He even said he'd pay for me to have a termination, but I am against that.
Sorry for the long post! I hope to meet nice people on here and to get some support as I continue my journey.
Natalie
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pregnant after one-night stand. Due end November.
Welcome!
I also suggest checking out the Single Parents and Blended Families boards, as a lot of those users have been through similar things and can offer support. Hopefully, you're having a nice pregnancy, and don't get too bummed out about an unenthusiastic BD.
Welcome and congrats-
I hope everything works out the best way possible for you and your baby. Glad to hear you have support from friends and family.
Stick around, Nov can be fun!
Big sister meeting little brother for the first time-
<a href="http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k409/YellowMiles/?action=view
"A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."
Thanks all.
I have posted in single parents as well. This baby is wanted, even though it wasn't planned and a bit of a shock to find out.
Natalie
Welcome! I have a friend who experienced a similar situation. Her precious daughter is now 4, and she has since been happily married (obviously, not to BD). She has a great relationship w/ BD's mother, who is a very loving grandmother. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy or fun, but I hope that you can find a way to make the most of this situation and find joy in the birth of your LO.
I would recommend consulting with an attorney regarding parental rights. I have heard that if you are concerned about BD causing custody issues, you can immediately file for sole custody after the baby is born, which would make it more difficult for him should he decide to pursue it at a later date. However, I'm not sure how that might impact your ability to collect child support. Some bar associations offer free legal advice if you want to start there.
Don't they test for this at the very first OB appointment? I know they did an HIV/AIDs test on me but I can't remember if they checked for anything else.
My SIL is in a similar situation, though it didn't start out the same way. She was dating a guy for a month or so before she found out she was pregnant. He was 100% into her and the baby at first, then around 12 weeks into her pregnancy, he bailed. Denied paternity, claimed to "release all parental rights", totally out of the picture. Lovely.
Right before my niece was born, my SIL hired an attorney to get her ducks in a row. She subpoenaed him for a paternity test right away - I think my niece was less than a month old. She filed for sole custody and sued him for child support. He fought a little, with some threats requesting custody, but it was all to scare my SIL into accepting less in child support. She didn't budge and the whole battle ended by the time my niece was 4-5 months old.
My niece just turned 2 and has never met or seen her father. He has only seen one or two pictures of her. He has paid *most* of his child support. He has no custody or visitation rights to her whatsoever.
Thanks for the welcome!
I am in the UK, so think our legal system in slightly different from the US?
I'm 99% sure he will not want to share custody, or in fact try and get access, as ever since I told him I've not heard anything from him. I emailed him to let him know when my scans and various appointments were, but he never showed up to any.
I have been tested for HIV and other diseases and I am negative.
On talking to friends last night, they made me realise that the only good thing to come out from this is my baby. So I am going to focus my energy on little one and not worry about the "sperm donor" any more (I didn't want to put any swear words to describe him).
It's getting hard at work to not let my colleagues know who the father is, as I have told them it was someone I had a brief relationship with, as they all know what the father is like - very controlling and demanding, basically someone who I do not want to be involved in my childs life.
Once again, thank you for the warm welcome. I think I will enjoy it here!!
Natalie
That would be my advice, as someone who grew up around a lot of well, let's call them more acrimonious parental relationships. Even though you might have several choice words for the BD, keep those for yourself and your friends. After my mother was born, her father walked away from her. She says the best gift she was ever given is that no one ever said a bad word about her father to her, they just let her figure it out for herself, which she did. By sticking with the "there are all different shapes of families" answer to "where's my daddy?", you're able to allow your child to grow up with the idea that their family is perfect the way it is - WHICH IT IS! - instead of instilling a sense of bitterness. And who knows, maybe someday the answer will be the man who comes in your life to stay. I know a lot of blended families where mom or dad has adopted their nonbiological child legally as well as completely emotionally. There ARE good ones out there.
Other than that, good luck and have a H&H 9 months! We're all in different situations here, so you'll fit in just fine.
Well screw that guy. What an ass. Maybe he should have kept his pants on, or used a condom.
Good for you for seeing that your baby is a gift, and sucks to be that guy that he doesn't. Good luck with everything and welcome to the board
I, personally, am the product of a one-night-stand. As someone who grew up without ever having known her father at all, not even having been able to see a photo of him, I would like to lend some advice.
It rather sounds like this fellow would do his civil duty and pay for the child he helped create, but it sounds as if he might not want much to do with the child personally. So if you fear he may muscle into your child's life, I don't think that's the case here. Although, it will be beneficial to the child to be able to know who his/her father is and to be able to interact with him if the father is willing at all. So, I do highly recommend doing the paternity testing when the baby comes. If he chooses not to want much to do with the baby, that's okay. But at least your child will have the opportunity to know his or her father, and can easily inquire into family history for medical concerns later on in life, if need be. It is VERY difficult growing up not knowing those things as it is, but when you then can't tell your child some important information (like, I can't tell my son if he might go bald or not, because I have absolutely no possible way to know!), it's rather distressing.
I hope that my advice will help in some way, and I wish all of you, mother, father, and child together, the best! Good luck and best wishes to all of you! And congratulations on your pregnancy!