Need some daycare support

fairy_diva · August 2012

Since I went back to work family had been watching my LO when my DH & I were working. That had to change 2 weeks ago, my LO started daycare at 11 months old. Right now he's 3 days a week & that will increase to 4 when schools starts at the end of August when I loose my part time high school sitter. I expected the crying when I left but this is horrible. I feel like such a bad mommy for walking away when he's reaching & crying. This is day 3 of week 2, and yesterday when we got home he cried unless DH or I were holding him. I know we can't hold him all evening and I didn't but it was so heart breaking. Today I asked one of the daycare employees how long he cried, he answer was on and off all day. Now I really don't know what to do, when I call to check on him the answer is he's ok, she tells me if he's eating or sleeping, which he seems to do ok with. I get a written sheet each day with his diapers/bottles/meals on them and as well as naps. I know its probably separation anxiety and I kick myself everyday for not keeping his day care spot I had when I returned to work at 12 weeks. I don't know if that would have made thing better or not.. He's never crying of fussing when I pick him up after and only once could I hear him crying when i called. The lady who has that baby room was warming a bottle and I could tell he was hungry anyway from his cry. Anyone else going through this? Please tell me how you coped?

nikki2246 · August 2012

My daughter started daycare when she was 3 months old so I never had to deal with the seperation issue but I do see it happen in the morning with some of the older babies in her infant room. I think it is so much harder for us then for the kids. Yes, he will cry and fuss a bit but then he will get preoccupied with something else and play. It is all still very new for him and there is a learning curve for sure. You will see by the end of the month he will start to love being there. Let him find hos groove. In the meantime I know it stinks for you and DH...but when you see how much he ends up liking his daycare you will feel better. If he was really upset all day the teacher would have told you -it will get better for you both. Trust me.

bridetobe6808 · August 2012

We put LO in day care 2 days a week at 7 months. She was with an in home nanny up until that time. She absolutely had no problems up until 9 months ( a couple of weeks ago). I would hand her to her teacher and she would just start bawling. Breaks my heart!! She is still doing it. Yesterday she willingly reached out for her teacher instead of hugging on to me, but as soon as she was out of my arms she started crying. I know it's better just to turn and run, but I feel so bad! All I want to do is take her back and hug her.

Everyone says it is normal and it happens. I know she calms down after I leave, but it doesn't make it any easier. Is your LO happy when you pick him up in the afternoon? My LO is all smiles, so I figure her day can't be that bad if she is happy when I pick her up. I feel your pain though!!

septmom11 · August 2012

My LO has been in daycare and with family since 12 weeks old. She rarely cries in the mornings because its been her routine for so long. When i pick her up thuogh she still does just want me to hold her for a while. She just missed me i guess

Since you started your baby older he is much more aware but keep it up and he will adjust. Its also great for LOs to be around other kids from a young age

TeacherVicky · August 2012

No experience as DS will be starting daycare in a few weeks. I fully anticipate the same thing to happen and am not looking forward to it.

However, I've heard from multiple DCP's and BTDT friends that the second week is the worst.

Hang in there! I hope he adjusts soon.

bluejetta · August 2012

nikki2246:
My daughter started daycare when she was 3 months old so I never had to deal with the seperation issue but I do see it happen in the morning with some of the older children. I think it is so much harder for us then for the kids. Yes, he will cry and fuss a bit but then he will get preoccupied with something else and play. It is all still very new for him and there is a learning curve for sure. You will see by the end of the month he will start to love being there. Let him find hos groove. In the meantime I know it stinks for you and DH...but when you see how much he ends up liking his daycare you will feel better. If he was really upset all day the teacher would have told you -it will get better for you both. Trust me.

This is my experience also (DD started at 4 months).

fairy_diva · August 2012

Thank you ladies! I know its normal and when I hand him off I don't take him back and bye-bye means bye-bye. I don't go back. Its so hard and I always end up crying half the day and always all the way to work. Its good to hear that even some babies that have been in daycare are also having the same problems, makes me feel better about my decision to keep him with family until now.

fairy_diva · August 2012

CurlingRocks:

Oh, that is hard! I know I cried when I left DS for the first time, and he did too. I did it as a "dry run" and caught up on some errands and such, since my mat. leave was ending. I went back after a couple hours and we had a snuggle and a bottle before I left again. That seemed to help him adjust well. He was also only 6 months old, though. I loved dropping him off after that because he loved going so much.

My concern is that this has gone on for a couple of weeks for you. I remember very well when my mom changed DCs when I was 3 or 4 years old. I went from a great sitter with really nice kids to a mediocre (at best) sitter with sassy kids I didn't get along with. (She fed us, gave us naptime, and playtime. Neglect wasn't an issue. But think about your old teachers and what was different between the best you had and the ones who were bare-minimum adequate.) I would cry and cry for hours (probably, my sense of time wasn't very good), and the sitter would just yell at me to stop crying. Finally one day, she decided to give me a spanking for being "naughty" because I was crying. She hit me so hard, I slammed face first into the picnic table she was sitting at and had a huge black-and-blue lip for a week. I didn't have to go back there again for all-day care. (She was a LOT cheaper than the other sitter, so my mom had us go back for after-school care when I was school-age. It's in the past, so we don't need to discuss her decision on here.) I'm not suggesting that they will abuse your child, but I would probably do a drop-in to see how things are run. You may find that he is upset because things are not really what you want for him, and another DC might be a better option.

Today is only day 6 of daycare and he just started this type of behavior this week on Monday and Tuesday was the first crying all evening. He's always all smiles and playing when I pick him up and really seems to like the lady in his room. Unfortunately she's not there for drop off, and arrives at 9am instead of his drop off time of 7:45am. He will actually go back to her when I'm there to pick him up while we're talking about his day.

The daycare has an open door policy for visits and I work about 5 min away. I'm hesitant to go see him during the day and not take him home and start the crying and upset baby process again. I would move him in a minute if I thought it was abuse.

fairy_diva · August 2012

Again I want to Thank you all sooo much! I actually waited a little this morning and called and spoke with his regular provider, Laura. She said that Amber (the lady who opens) mentioned my question and what she told me and Laura said its not true. Ryan does cry at drop off and usually does for 20 or 30 minutes but then is fine the rest of the day. He doesn't "know" Amber because her regular kids are the big kids and she's on another floor of the daycare the rest of the day. I don't let him see me cry but boy is it hard. Today when I picked him up he was sitting on the floor playing with his back to the doorway, he was fine, no crying or fussing. And was all smiles when I soke to him. This evening he is better, still more fussy but I'm ok with it.

mabst196 · August 2012

My DS has been in daycare 4 days a week since he was 12 weeks old and we still are dealing with seperation anxiety issues. Its the age really, not that he didn't get used to it. All babies go though it at some point. Try not to be too worried about it. I promise your son will be fine.

fairy_diva · August 2012

mabst196:
My DS has been in daycare 4 days a week since he was 12 weeks old and we still are dealing with seperation anxiety issues. Its the age really, not that he didn't get used to it. All babies go though it at some point. Try not to be too worried about it. I promise your son will be fine.

Big Smile Thank YOU!

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