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Adoption
Intro - long
My husband and I have been TTC for 3.5 years and you can check out my siggy for all of our testing and treatment info. I had horrible side effects once I added injects to my protocol and am leery of moving forward with IVF with its increased inject doses. DH and I need to decide what's next and are leaning away from IVF, although we haven't ruled it out completely, and toward adoption or living child free. We've been trying to do as much research as possible and I thought it was probably time to intro here and get to know all of you.
Based on what I've learned about the different types of adoption, I've figured out that most likely, private domestic or foster to adopt would be best for us although we haven't ruled out international. My husband's biggest concerns are a failed placement and not having a good health history/dealing with health problems/disabilities that may arise. He works with students and adults with disabilities and knows first hand about both the challenges and joys of working with people who are both emotionally and/or physically impaired. He has a close friend who had a failed adoption a couple of years ago and is worried about that happening to us. Also two years ago, we had the terrible circumstances but amazing experience of parenting our 3 young nieces for 4.5 months and it was devastating for us when they were no longer in our care and with their father 600 miles away. I feel like since I've been through that before, I can handle it again but I think having been through it before makes it my husband less willing to do it again.
I've been using Creating a Family to research adoption and have been reading a lot of books and blogs by those who have ultimately become Child Free. We feel like both are options for us at this point. While choosing CF would mean grieving a loss, we have an amazing marriage and full lives in many other areas and are confident we would be able to live a happy life CF after IF.
So, now a question. DH and I both plan to continue working and I worry about how that may affect our options for adopting an older child due to the need for time for proper attachment. What do you know of any "rules" about both parents working outside the home when adopting either internationally or domestically? Do any of you have experience of adopting an older child while continuing to work outside the home?
I look forward to getting to know you all!
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Re: Intro - long
Welcome! I remember that dog!
It is difficult to make these decisions, but I wish you luck!
Hi and welcome.
If you haven't seen it yet, I'd also recommend Adopting After Infertility (the book). The adoption part is pretty outdated, but the upfront part has exercises where you can ask some questions about whether CF or adoption is the path you want to take.
As for your question, every adoption is different. This can be a question you ask of private adoption agencies or those who assist you, or those in the foster care system. They may have policies on that issue, or they may be able to give you recommendations. Rest assured there are single parents and dual-income couples who do adopt successfully.
GL!