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Son's father facing 20 years...needless to say im gonna be a single mom.

BraydennsXmomBraydennsXmom
in Single Parents

I just got out of a very unhealthy and abusive relationship with my sons father. Im not really sure what to do, or how to even figure stuff out. Im 23 weeks, and at about 16 weeks my sons father got arrested for assault and battery with force likely to cause death amongst other things, and is facing 20 years to life.  

Im trying so hard to figure out what im going to tell Braydenn when he inevitably asks why his dad isn't in his life. Not only that, but theres the possibility that he wont have to serve much time, and Im scared he's going to try to get custody. Which wouldnt be good, because the guy cant stay out of jail and or prison, as hes been locked up mulitple times.

How do I explain to my son that his father is- for lack of better words- a psycho? And do I legally have to put his name on the father line of tghe birth certificate?

Any help would be much appreciated

<3 Breanna Nicole.

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Re: Son's father facing 20 years...needless to say im gonna be a single mom.

  • GinghamGrenadeGinghamGrenade member
    I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it's so great that you got out of the relationship. You did the right thing, without a doubt.

    Braydenn will ask questions and when he does, you should answer them in an age-appropriate way. As he gets older, he will begin to understand. You don't need to put any emotion to it, tell him the facts and let him come to his own conclusions about what it means on an emotional level, since it will likely be different for him than it is for you. Just be honest with him, that's generally the best policy with this and with anything.

    As for his father getting custody at any point, I would say it's highly unlikely, though I'm not a lawyer. With that kind of criminal history, I doubt he'd get anything more than supervised visitation, if that. If he's done harm to you, which it sounds like he has, you can petition to have his legal parental rights terminated. If you are not married, his name will not be on the birth certificate unless he signs a paternity affidavit or has a legally-mandated DNA test (in Iowa, at least, each state is different). You do not have to do this, unless he requests it. If he does, my first stop would be at a lawyer's office to discuss termination of parental rights. If you have documented proof (hospital visits, police reports, etc.) that he abused you, you have a strong case. I would talk to a lawyer anyway, just to make sure that you understand all your rights and what steps you can take in your state.

    Good luck!!!! <3
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  • Snow__White__QueenSnow__White__Queen member
    Couldn't have said it better than PP! Take a breath and know that everything WILL work itself out. You are already a great mom for getting out of that situation and this board is great when you just need to vent/cry it out. *big hugs*
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  • emox3232emox3232 member
    Ah I can kind of understand where you are coming from, my babys dad is in jail currently and looking at a few years for drugs. Its such a difficult thing to go through, and it is very scary that, that person my try for custody. But you just have to hope for the best!




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