Seriously! Is this just DD's personality? Need advice..

coachswife24 · August 2012

Alright...

I'll jump right in.

Since Day Numero Uno, DD never slept good. When she got her nights and days figured out, she did better at night, but terrible during the day. We figured out her milk allergy which helped with everything else, but not with naps. We are now at 11 months old and she STILL doesn't nap. She doesn't want me to rock her, pat her, anything. I've done everything Ferber/our pedi wants us to do and she still screams at the top of her lungs. It's like she doesn't get it. And when she does go to sleep, it's only for a max of 30-40 minutes. At night, she sleeps well, thank the Lord! But, my goodness gracious! And I am watching the signs of tiredness too during the day, and I try naps at the same time everyday and I swear, she could scream for hours if I let her. It is the MOST discouraging thing! Which, when she doesn't get any sleep in, she is the fussiest little thing! Every now and then we'll hit a jackpot day and she'll sleep for two hours and it's glorious.

I feel like I'm missing out on a happy little girl because she doesn't sleep and we are managing her fussiness all day. Then, I feel stupid as if I'm not doing something right. But I promise, I have tried everything and for longer periods of time (like day after day - routine) but it's like nothing gives. In short, it's exhausting!!! 11 months of this?!? Where will we be at year 2? 3?

Thanks for your advice! I'm hoping someone can at the least relate to this!

Ms5586 · August 2012

What has the pedi said? I would be asking for a referral to a sleep specialist at this point. She obviously needs the naps, since she's so fussy.

Lara0802 · August 2012

As PP said, I'd play with having a nap earlier than you think she needs it. We've done that some days with DD. We'll put her in there with a few toys and she'll play until she's tired. Then I avoid the meltdown altogether.

Maybe try that... put her in there when she's happy and then maybe eventually she'll just put herself out?

smilelari · August 2012

You are probably in an overtired baby trap. Baby doesn't nap well because she's overtired and she's overtired because she doesn't nap well. I'd do 2 things. First I'd make sure that naps are early enough. First nap should be NLT 2-3 hours after she wakes up. Second nap should be NLT 2-3 hours after the end of the first nap. Bed time should be NLT 4 hours after the end of the second nap. And if she shows tired cues earlier than that, put her down earlier (typically bed time should be some time between 6 and 8).

And example schedule:

6 am - wake up
8-9:30 am - first nap
12:00-2 pm - second nap
6 pm - bed

The second thing I'd do is treat this as a "nap emergency". You need to get her caught back up on sleep before doing anything else. So, if she sleeps in the car, instead of trying to put her in the crib, put her in the car and drive. When she falls asleep, pull over and read a book while she finishes her nap. If she'll sleep while you hold her, hold her while she naps. You get the picture. Do this until you feel like she's well rested.

Once she's well rested, any type of sleep training (like Ferber) is going to go so much more smoothly, so I'd wait to attempt anything like that until she's caught back up on sleep.

smilelari · August 2012

hocus:
Without knowing more I'd say you probably want to reread ferber (he has a section on what to do if it is not working). I might also limit night time sleep to improve naps. I'd also play with having a nap earlier than you'd think.

This is why I don't like Ferber. Advice like this just seems crazy to me! But, maybe it works for some people. I tend to go with Weisbluth and he would say "sleep begets sleeps" and that if night time sleep is bad, naps will be bad and if naps are bad night time sleep will be bad. You want both good night time and day time sleep and making one worse (like limiting night time sleep) will make the other worse

Bateaulover · August 2012

Well...it could just be her personality. My little brother did not nap, but when he went down for the night he was ok. He cried almost every day of his life until he was around 12. He just wasn't happy and he always got along better with adults. He has had a successful adulthood though! Just got married in February, and he is very likeable now. (h'es 29) The point of my stupid rambling post is this: It may not be anything YOU are doing. It could totally be your child's DNA of their personality.

vnstacie · August 2012

smilelari:
You are probably in an overtired baby trap. Baby doesn't nap well because she's overtired and she's overtired because she doesn't nap well. I'd do 2 things. First I'd make sure that naps are early enough. First nap should be NLT 2-3 hours after she wakes up. Second nap should be NLT 2-3 hours after the end of the first nap. Bed time should be NLT 4 hours after the end of the second nap. And if she shows tired cues earlier than that, put her down earlier (typically bed time should be some time between 6 and 8).
And example schedule:
6 am - wake up
8-9:30 am - first nap
12:00-2 pm - second nap
6 pm - bed
The second thing I'd do is treat this as a "nap emergency". You need to get her caught back up on sleep before doing anything else. So, if she sleeps in the car, instead of trying to put her in the crib, put her in the car and drive. When she falls asleep, pull over and read a book while she finishes her nap. If she'll sleep while you hold her, hold her while she naps. You get the picture. Do this until you feel like she's well rested.
Once she's well rested, any type of sleep training (like Ferber) is going to go so much more smoothly, so I'd wait to attempt anything like that until she's caught back up on sleep.

ILY. That is great advice. Seriously.

My LO only goes to sleep if she's holding my finger, I've tried introducing a "lovey" (hate that word btw) but no dice. She might be in college still holding my finger to sleep.

karinothing · August 2012

smilelari:
hocus:

Without knowing more I'd say you probably want to reread ferber (he has a section on what to do if it is not working). I might also limit night time sleep to improve naps. I'd also play with having a nap earlier than you'd think.

This is why I don't like Ferber. Advice like this just seems crazy to me! But, maybe it works for some people. I tend to go with Weisbluth and he would say "sleep begets sleeps" and that if night time sleep is bad, naps will be bad and if naps are bad night time sleep will be bad. You want both good night time and day time sleep and making one worse (like limiting night time sleep) will make the other worse

See, now my baby only sleeps well at night if he hardly naps during the day. The days when he takes 4 hours worth of naps HORRIBLE at night, but one 30 minute nap and his sleep is amazing (well for him).

Anyway, some kids only sleep 30-40 minutes. I can't remember frmo your original post but is your kid a mess if she doesn't nap? DS goes to daycare and will take one 40 minute nap all day. I used to let it worry me but he is in good spirits all day, so I decided not to worry about it anymore.

k8morgan · August 2012

Have you ruled out other allergies? Our daughter was extremely fussy & never slept day or night for the first 5 months of her life! We found out she was allergic to milk, but took her to get tested since I was nursing & she refused all bottles. We found out she is allergic to not only milk, but also wheat, soy,& peanuts! I had no clue & was still eating foods containing those things. Since cutting then out of my diet she has become a totally different baby. Sleep fixed itself pretty much. She was so uncomfortable all the time & that affected her mood all day every day. Just a thought! Good luck!!

macalarco · August 2012

Hi-

I am usually just a lurker, but this post stuck such a cord with me. You are not alone and I feel your frustration! My LO has also been a horrible sleeper since day 1. She finally started STTN at 8 months-thankfully! She is 10 months now but still fights taking naps. The poor thing is so tired she has dark circles and gets fussy. I feel like a total failure as a mom because I feel like I must be doing something wrong. I don't know what else to try either...just wanted you to know you are not alone! Anxiously reading responses too.

jlb08 · August 2012

I don't really have much advice, just wanted to say that our DS is the same exact way. We finally gave in and did Ferber and, as a result, our nighttime sleep is MUCH better. But he still fusses/cries for a while before giving in at night and he altogether refuses to nap most days that he's home with us, regardless of how consistent we try to be or what we try (except car rides, those tend to work). He does nap better at daycare but I think that's because he's so busy there that he gets tired out more quickly. Luckily he doesn't seem to get overly fussy when he is refusing to nap, though I can definitely see him getting overtired. I wish he would sleep better during the day, but I think it is a personality trait for him. He has always fought sleep. I have a feeling he's just too afraid of missing something interesting!

Coastiewife06 · August 2012

im right there with you. My 9 month old is a horrible sleeper and has always been. I agree with what someone else said about feeling like a bad mother because of it. Im exhausted and at wits end.. havent had a full nights sleep since he was born. So keep in mind you are not alone.

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