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Natural Birth
How much would you pay for your best birth?
Back story: I had DS at home with midwives that were part of our medical system. It was awesome. I saw a team of three midwives over the course of my pregnancy and knew that at least one of them would be at my birth.
We've moved to a new country and the care system is different. I had a really unnerving appointment yesterday at the hospital with an OB. It was everything I knew I didn't want with my first and the reason I decided to go with MWs and home birth.
The protocol here is to see community MWs for most of your pregnancy and one or two visits to an OB even if you are low risk. You deliver at the hospital with a separate group of MWs that you won't have met.
I hate this. I want to know the person delivering my baby. I want to feel comfortable with them, I want to feel confident that they know me and my medical history.
Last night I was in tears talking to my DH about this. He said we could spend the $ to move back to Canada for a few months so I could have the baby there. This doesn't really make sense and creates a host of issues.
I did some research and we could have two independent MWs from the UK come over (we live on an island, a bit remote).
The independent MWs sound great and I would get to see them a few times before they moved over for the birth.
The hitch: the whole thing would probably run us ?8000-?10000 ($12000-$15000).
This is a lot of money to us. A lot. We have it and we're not in debt but it would mean no vacations for a few years and dipping into our savings.
Am I being a pansy and costing my family a lot of money just so I can have another great birth experience? As a STM should I just suck it up and get the job done in a scenario that isn't my ideal?
How much would you pay for your best chance at having your ideal birth experience?
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Re: How much would you pay for your best birth?
Not fifteen grand.
I'd look at other options to improve your experience within the system. How much would it be to get a doula on your team? Then you'd have someone that knows you and your history there to be on your side. And I'm sure that would be much, much less. I'd also plan to labour at home (like I did last time) and minimize my time in hospital. I really don't feel strongly about being BFF with the person that delivers my baby, though. It's actually a hesitation I have in seeking midwife care - I have no interest in putting the time in to "get to know" a midwife.
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Personally I wouldn't go the extent of paying $12,000- $15,000 for the possibility of having the best birth possible. It may be because as a Canadian I'm not accustom to spending any money on routine health care. I would be too afraid that at the last minute there would be a complication and all that would go out the window and I would be at the hospital anyways. Obviously baby's are born where you are so the system must work to some extent. I would spend that money if I was in an area where there weren't hospitals or anyone locally trained to deliver or if the successful birth rate of the hospital was insanely low.
Have you thought about hiring a doula and then only going to the hospital at the very end? My last birth experience I had a midwife, had a home birth and my birth was experience wasn't what I wanted/expected. It wasn't horrible by any means but I know if I had of spent big bucks I would have been even more disappointed. I ended up at the hospital with a random doctor and the threat of going under to remove my placenta.
I know an American traveling MW if you want to get in touch with her. I have no idea if she travels internationally, but she charges a fee and the price of a plane ticket. PM me if you want her info.
Back to your question: I dunno, I think I would lean toward just sucking it up. You've given birth vaginally before, so chances are you'll have a smooth labor again. Can you stay at home and show up pushing? $15K is a lot of money!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
There is ONE doula here that I am meeting with soon. Fingers crossed we are a good match.
I understand not wanting to be BFFs with your MW but last time the MW care was so good and I feel like it was a big part of having a great home birth. I really trusted them and they supported me when I refused a hospital induction (GBS+ and membrane rupture with no labor starting).
I've been mulling over doing some kind of Bradley home study or a course with my DH. Not sure what they even offer here. But along the lines of getting a doula, having my DH really on board with what I want and need in labour would be helpful.
The other piece is that I have white coat hypertension. My previous MWs and old GP were great with it and would let me get my BP checked at the end of an appointment after I had taken a some time to relax.
I told this new OB about it, still had a high reading (not surprising because all she was talking about during the appointment was all the things that could make me high risk) and she said I would be coming back for extra appointments with them if I had any high readings at the MWs. Everything she said made me feel like I was going to be labeled high risk.
Blargh. This Canadian feels like $15,000 is too much too. I think I need to put my big girl pants on and find a better plan.
Thanks. I'll PM you if I decide to pull the trigger.
But... I think you, and PPs, are right. $15k is too much. I think if I was in some stressed out trying to VBAC position it might be worth it. But I've had an uncomplicated home birth.
Hoping I am not GBS+ this time so I really can just go to the hospital once I'm close to 10cm.
I'm also in the camp of, "not that much." I don't think you should just suck it up if you're uncomfortable with the standard procedure, but it likely means finding a middle ground between your ideal and the standard.
Is there any way that you can choose an OB to routinely see at the hospital, instead of doing the prenatal care with the MW group? This might help get you used to the atmosphere and be in a more trusting relationship with an OB. Basically, instead of fighting against the hospital, attempt to embrace it and just find a way to make it work better for you. Certainly it will be different than your first birth, but it doesn't have to be traumatic if you find the right provider that will understand your medical history. Not all OBs are like the one you enountered yesterday.
I also agree with finding a doula if you can.
Could you try the hypnobabies homestudy course?
Maybe download a meditation track to listen to while you are waiting to help calm you and see if that helps your BP?
I lurk here but I wanted to chime in on another thing to consider - even if you pay the $15k and get the MW you want, that's still not a guarantee your birth will go like the first.
Not to discount your MWs or any preparations you did the first time around, but some of that great birth experience was good luck. We can do things to better position ourselves for an uncomplicated birth, but there is still a lot out of our control as well.
So no, I wouldn't pay that much money for a set of midwives. I think a doula would be a great way to have someone to advocate for you at a much more reasonable cost. But having a person who knows me/my medical history well isn't a high priority for me.
I like these thoughts, a lot. Hopefully there's more than one OB/practice where you are right now and you could start interviewing like crazy. I wasn't thrilled with the thought of staying with my OB/GYN for my first pregnancy but did so because it was what my DH was more comfortable with. I figured I liked her as a gyno so I'd stick with her for pregnancy and find someone else if I wanted to the next time around. She turned out to be a great fit for me and I'm still with her for this 2nd pregnancy and not regretting it in the least. I can't imagine seeing anyone else, really. Your ticker says you're only 17 weeks, that seems like plenty of time to interview other doctors, look into a doula, and find your best option while still leaving time to feel like you're getting to know your final choice care provider more closely. GL and try not to stress too much, it will work out!
As a fellow expat, I feel your pain (or at least, I've been through some of that worry and just absolute despair about not being comfortable with the system that you're stuck with). I'm English and I'm now living in Mexico. Here, everything is majorly medicalized and the caesarean rates are terrifying. I've had to slowly dial-back my expectations and although I have managed to find an OB who's on board with my plan for an intervention and med-free birth -- I was still in floods of tears the other day after my best friend in England had a gorgeous birth centre birth and it just hit home that it was the kind of birth I'd love to have but I know I won't get...
Anyway -- I wonder whether you could go and meet the midwives in the hospital? Then at least you could get familiar with them. Also -- would any of them work privately maybe? It seems an odd set up that they are only hospital-based and won't do home visits or anything.
My other piece of advice would be to really talk and talk now with the practice that you are seeing. Maybe they can think of something that would work out for you and make you feel a bit more comfortable.
Basically, I'd try everything I could first before even thinking about spending that amount of money...
I love me some Universal Health Care but it doesn't have a lot of room to shop for doctors.
I live in a remote area. There is only one hospital on the island. They deliver about 800 babies a year here. There aren't a lot of birth options unless I want to go off island (3 hr ferry away) and off-island wouldn't be covered by medical.
There are three OBs at the hospital and I have been assigned to one of them. I could ask about seeing another one but, really, my hope is that I don't have to see them again except for my rhogan shot at 28 weeks.
I haven't actually met the community MWs that I will see for my pregnancy yet.
I did meet a MW at the hospital to do an intake at 8 weeks and she was lovely and really nice. Maybe luck will be on my side and she'll deliver for me?
Lots of food for thought here. I don't want to get labelled a trouble maker or needy but I think I'll start asking about what I can do within the system.
It seems like an odd set-up to me too but after doing a bit of research I see that a lot of women in the UK aren't happy about it either. We live in a UK territory but they use a similar model to the UK. What I have read is that women in the UK can opt to go privately, and pay more, so that they can have continuous care from an OB through pregnancy and delivery.
Private midwives outside of the National Health Service can't get malpractice insurance so they are very rare.
While I would consider approaching a hospital MW to work privately I think it's doubtful they would agree. There is only one employer option here (one hospital) and I wouldn't want them to jeopardize their career. But it's a thought and I will ask around.
For now, I need to ask more questions. Squeaky wheel gets the oil, right?
I wouldn't pay anything frankly.
My second delivery involved an ER doc sitting on the edge of my bed for a few minutes and more or less watching me deliver. The on-call doc arrived well after the event and stitched me up, making small talk during that time.
If you had an uneventful first delivery you are likely to have a similar, faster, easier experience with round 2. All part of life, right? Like the Stones said, you can't always get what you want.
Don't pour any stress into the situation. Trust yourself, use the resources at your disposal and have this birth the way is was meant to happen.
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I am not even pregnant yet and I am considering going to my home country for the baby's birth if I can't find the natural-birth-friendly care I want here (in France). But, it would not cost us the amounts you are quoting since we still own a home in the U.S. and have our primary healthcare there. So, it would basically just be the cost of a plane ticket. My considerations right now would be uprooting DD just to get my ideal birth experience and having DH potentially miss out on the birth. Still no easy decision.