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Did any books help you with the "why me?"

Dori722Dori722
in Late Term and Child Loss

I've read pregnancy loss books and was in therapy - and I feel that they certainly validated my feelings but I struggle with the WHY did this have to happen to us a lot. Have you read any books on this subject - books that help you put your life in perspective and stop feeling sorry for yourself?

on FB TWO guys I went to high school with had twins and I just kept thinking, why did they get to have their twins and mine were taken from me? It was so upsetting for me to see. I learned of 3 people who are pregnant today and  DH and I are stuggling to get pregnant again and I just think WHY us? 

My therapist mentioned "When bad things happen to good people"  - I may try that but wanted to see if any of you had read it or had any recs. thanks. 

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Re: Did any books help you with the "why me?"

  • AmyG2bAmyG2b member

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    I have a ton of books like that, but I haven't read them...I read more grief books at first and kinda got burned out.  I was given When Bad Things Happen to Good People, as well as Plan B, which my friend loved and said I needed to read.  I also have Choosing to See and I Will Carry You, and they all come highly recommended.  I'm sorry for your loss. 

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  • ILoveRedVinoILoveRedVino member

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    I read When Bad Things Happen to Good People (actually, I haven't finished it yet).  It is alright, but I don't agree with everything said in it.  Plus, it is very religious so if you aren't, I'd avoid it.  It also gives all kinds of stories and scenarios, some that you won't relate to or care about at all. 

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  • ally2011ally2011 member

    I am not sure there really is a why in the way we expect there to be.  That is true for many things....child abuse, orphans, extreme poverty....why?  Well, sometimes we just do not have a human answer, or there isn't one.  We live in a broken world.  Bad things happen.  Sometimes they happen to us.  As a Christian, I do believe in God, and I believe in a God who is about redemption in the midst of brokenness.  Over what was supposed to be my due date my husband and I went on a mission trip to an orphanage in Uganda.  There we saw extreme brokenness right up close....and in the midst of it we also saw redemption, joy and healing.  It was a wonderful experience, and definitely shifted my perspective.  

    It is normal to ask why.  I remember pounding my fists into the floor and screaming that at the ceiling and then just sobbing and sobbing.  It is part of the grief journey.  As you move through that, those questions will fade somewhat.  Will it ever seem fair that I don't have my daughter and some awful mom who is unprepared does?  No.  Is it equally unfair that I was at least afforded the opportunity to bury my daughter unlike some of the African moms who lost children in the famine last year?  Yes.  Will any of that ever make total sense in my human, finite mind?  No.

    My husband and I have been blessed to have lived relatively painless lives until the loss of our daughter.  I remember telling my mom on the phone that I did not know that despair of that depth existed, and I knew there were deeper levels still that I hope to never know.  Knowing bad things happen, and then having them happen to you are totally different experiences.  Nothing can prepare you to lose a child.  Nothing.  It is perfectly natural for you to be questioning....just come here whenever you need support and we will be there for you.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.

    Hugs,

    Jenn

    PS - I apologize if this was rambly....I don't really have a point other than to say I have been there, and it will get better, though you will never be the same.  

     

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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