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HELP! (Not related to ttc, but long) Vent and advice.

MommyRie123MommyRie123
in TTC after 35

I know I could (should) probably post this on TK, but I respect the opinion of you gals SO much more. I feel as though I am at my wit's end, and I need to know if I am being unreasonable.

I am supposed to my in my cousin's wedding at the end of October. She had given us pretty much free reign over our hair and shoes, with minimal requirements. I found a pair of shoes that I love, fit her requirements, and look great with my dress. They also fit into my budget, so I bought them, because I had free reign over my shoes, right?

Yesterday, she sent out a text message to all of the bridesmaids that said she's nervous about shoes and hair and wants to go shopping on the 18th for shoes. I told her that I would be out of town that day, but I already have shoes. First, she sends back this reply,

"I give up. Nevermind. I guess I have wrong ideas of sh-t. I guess just show up to the wedding on f-ing time."

Second, she sent this, "If you girls feel like I'm asking too much to be part of this wedding by asking ertain things of you and wanting to do things together please let me know now and I will give your money back for your dresses and there will  be no hard feelings.  I don't feel like I'm asking too much of anybody in wanting you to be part of MINE AND JAMES special day. Please don't make it miserable for me in not enjoying stuff. I've tried to accommodate everybody. I do have expectations that I want met when it comes to dress hair and shoes if that's too much please just back out. I understand people are busy but if it was you, I would make accommodations and I have for some of you. Call me a b--ch or whatever but if you can't make time, don't be in it."

This person has made my life miserable since she announced her engagement a year ago. When they got engaged (mere days after H and I announced ours) she told H and I before she told anyone else, asking us to keep it a secret. A couple of months later, when she finally announced it officially, she accused H and I of not being excited enough for her. We'd already known about it for two months, and the excitement had worn off. Of course we were excited, WHEN SHE TOLD US. She's done a million more things, including planning her own shower, that are making me crazy, but this is the last straw. I am ready to take her ultimatum, and back out because I'm not willing to change my travel plans.

Advice?

EDIT: They're not just my travel plans. We are going out of town with another couple to meet up with ANOTHER couple, to go to a festival that happens once a year. These plans have been in place since June.

"Don't look back, you can never look back." - Don Henley
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Re: HELP! (Not related to ttc, but long) Vent and advice.

  • LlamamamaLlamamama member

    10 years ago I would have tried to do whatever I had to do to make my cousin happy..

    Today however, realizing that life is too short to care I would not do anything to secure my spot in that bridezilla's special day.  It IS her day but if she said you could choose your shoes and then you DID, what is the problem?  If she changed her mind after the fact, I would expect her to understand if you already bought some.  Also, she cannot expect everyone to put their life on hold-- she needs to be realistic that some may not be available.  Perhaps she could ASK who is available and WHEN before she makes a "be there or your fired" kind of threat. 

    I am sorry but being a bitchy bride is not something to aspire to...if she keeps it up NO ONE will want to be her bridesmaids.  JMO.  GOOD LUCK!  Stick out tongue

    Me: 40 Dh: 41, TTC since August 2009, began Acupuncture and Herbs Sept 2011, began Temping and Charting Nov 2011. image
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  • MommyRie123MommyRie123
    My H heard from the groom that there is another BM who is revolting, too. I'm thinking of reaching out to her, but I'm not sure if I should. It's someone that I only met once (at the BM luncheon). And I'm not really even sure what I would say.
    "Don't look back, you can never look back." - Don Henley
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  • danieleandwaynedanieleandwayne member

    Have you spoken to your aunt or uncle about this? Maybe somebody needs to set this bride straight about changing things up and then getting cranky when people can't keep reacting and changing with her.

    If she wasn't family, I'd say ditch the b!tch. I hate bridezillas with a passion. No perspective whatsoever, in my opinion, and there's no excuse for that kind of ridiculousness. Especially when it's done without any clue of wrongdoing on her part and without any grace (she could have, for example, phrased it more like: "hey Ladies, I know I said before that I was fine with whatever shoes you wanted, but now I'm freaking out and I know it's last minute, but..."). 

    Since she's family, though, I'd check first with her mom or someone closer to her (another cousin who's her sibling, maybe?) to see what is the real deal, but otherwise, I'd bow out if she's not that important to you. 

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    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

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  • Mayzie15Mayzie15 member
    Her emails were nasty and I would back out - life is so short and typically this is just the beginning and it will get worse from here I say get out while you can ;)

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


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  • dhreczuckdhreczuck member

    Ugg! I've never had to deal with a bride that was like that. She really needs to get that there are worse things that can happen in life than having your bridesmaids wear shoes that she doesn't approve of. But I doubt at this point there's anything you can say that will change her perspective.

    Was this email basically addressed to call you out or are there other bm out of town that weekend as well? I don't think you need to apologize for having other plans, life doesn't revolve around your cousin's wedding planning. I would let her know your sorry about how she feels, but that you made plans a long time ago and you can't change them. Danieleandwayne had some good advice, maybe someone else in the family can talk to her? 

     

    nate and teddy
    Me 41 DH 46  Not actively ttc, surprise BFP on 1/6/11! 4/1/11 m/c our sunshine at 16wks after complications from CVS test. TTC #2 **5th cycle 12/6/11 BFP! Missed m/c at 9 weeks 1/21/12, trisomy 14. Two Chemical PG 3/12&7/12
    ** BFP 8/16/12 beta #1 148! beta#2 407 beta #3 4000 u/s 9.10 1 lovely hb 126, Baby Boy is due 04/28/13!!     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    The girls have it covered but it is unrealistic of her to expect people to be free on a week's notice in the summer. She should have scheduled it sooner and given some date choices. She is out of hand and out of line.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

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  • owlprofowlprof member

    Dear Cousin,

    I am sorry that you interpreted my inability to attend this event as a sign that I don't want to do things with you to prepare for the wedding. I am also sorry that my absence will make things miserable for you.  Honestly, I didn't realize we were that close.  I respectfully withdraw from your wedding party.  Best wishes for a happy wedding and marriage.

     Best,

    XXX

    Life is too short.

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