do people ever make you feel guilty about c sec

darrahmccall · August 2012

how do you handle it? iv been told many things, like i didnt try hard enough, (i pushed for 5 hours) i wasnt meant to have kids, i even have had co workers swear that they would never want a c section and pray to god they dont have one. it really hurts my feelings, and i end up getting pissed off and defensicve. my son was 9 lbs and 22 inches long. he was huge, and im not a big person (not that that matters really) but i need a good comeback so shut people up. i thought that i have accepted the fact that iv had a c section but when people are so stupid about it, it makes me wonder.

mben1119 · August 2012

Who tells you these things? Just tell them it isn't any of their business-because it isn't. I have never had anyone say anything negative to me about needing a c-section. But, I have to agree with your co-workers-I didn't want one, wish I don't need another one, and if I prayed, I would.

ericamanuela · August 2012

I'm sorry you feel this way. I felt somewhat guilty for a little while but I realized that it was best for me and my baby. I labored for 3 days straight on pitocin and he simply would not descend and I was stuck at 6 cm. I spiked a really high fever, bled a ton from my bloody show and his heart rate fell a couple of times. I had no choice but to get a c-section. Once they went in to get him they realized that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his body like a seatbelt and that's why he couldn't descend. People who have never had a c-section don't know what it's like, what it's all about or understand. I didn't really understand what it was all about before I went through it myself (although I would never say anything to anyone about it). I don't blame people for saying that they never want a c-section because I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, recovery is awful and frustrating. Just tell people that you did what was best for your baby and realize that they don't know what they're talking about and never will unless they walked in your shoes. Good luck and remember you did what was best for yourself and your baby.

Newt69 · August 2012

I have not had my child yet but if i were you i would say " my doctor felt it was in the best interest for the baby and my self to have a c-section" or something along those lines.

Since I had my back surgery last July (I waited 9yrs) to have it I have been adamant about a c-section. A lot of people are like you can push a baby out, why would you want an unnecessary surgery etc etc. What people do now know is that since my surgery it hurts to have sex missionary style (sorry if that's TMI) so how am I going to hold my legs up and back to push. Plus I do not want to trash my back surgery. It was not a horrible surgery but I just don't want to go through it again.

At least you tried to have a vaginal birth and obviously your body decided against it.

Please do not feel guilty, you have a healthy baby out of it and that is all that matters. Let people pass judgement, they weren't/aren't in your shoes.

Zimger · August 2012

"That you were never meant to have kids" Really?! What a jackass.

Sorry but that is really rude.

I had a few comments regarding my ability to have children in the future, but mainly my family and friends were rather sypathetic to the situation.

The few people that did imply that having kids in the future may not be a good idea are people I no longer communicate with. That was my comeback.

I can't think of to many people who would rather have a c-section than a vaginal birth because it takes so much longer to heal. But sometimes that can't be helped. It is what it is and you shouldn't feel any less for it.

Kie310 · August 2012

I would have choice words for someone that said things like that to me. No, one has ever made me feel bad about my c/s. Trust me, I do it to myself enough. I was induced, in labor for 24 hours. The baby was not dropping, I was getting distressed, I stalled a 6cm for hours and hours... it just had to be done.

I am planning and hoping for a VBAC. Well, I have complete previa & I might be headed for a RCS. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with this myself without having as*holes try to tell me I'm wrong.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

ShelbehhRawrr · August 2012

Zimger:
"That you were never meant to have kids" Really?! What a jackass.

Sorry but that is really rude.

I had a few comments regarding my ability to have children in the future, but mainly my family and friends were rather sypathetic to the situation.

The few people that did imply that having kids in the future may not be a good idea are people I no longer communicate with. That was my comeback.

I can't think of to many people who would rather have a c-section than a vaginal birth because it takes so much longer to heal. But sometimes that can't be helped. It is what it is and you shouldn't feel any less for it.

All of this. my c-sec was scheduled though I had the option to try. They thought DD would be 6 pounds. I thought differently and decided to schedule one anyway. Good thing because she came out at almost 8 pounds. People judge me until they know that her head had a good chance of getting stuck.. my maternal instincts just told me to have it done

pepomntpat · August 2012

That is horrible that people say that to you. In that instance I think a good comeback is STFU! No need to be polite or explain yourself at all.

ladybugpjb · August 2012

I don't remember anyone ever saying anything to me about it. The people who know I had a c-section know that it was a horrible horrible experience, followed by a hospital stay for DS.

However, if anyone ever does say anything, to me, I would tell them (without going into details) that I'm very grateful for my c-section - I'm pretty sure that a hundred years ago I would have died.

nealbl · August 2012

I would simply say my kid is here and we are both healthy and that was my end goal. You don't get a medal b/c you had a vbirth.

xXLissettXx · August 2012

I did have a couple of aunts ask why I didn't try delivering him naturally, so I understand how you feel.

For my son, it was supposed to be a planned csection on a thurdsay but he decided to come the sunday before. The dr was still planning to do a csection but at like 6am. We go to the hospital at around 7, was in labor for a couple of hours and only dialated to 4cm, at 1am my water broke when I was getting checked and his umbilical cord slipped out so that called for an emergency c-section. I know it's long, but this is what I tell them, that it was an emergency and he needed to come out now or die. I would have loved to try if that didn't happen but God had other plans. I was upset that I had to have a csection at first but it's what's best for baby and me, I am petite and he was a hefty 9.9lbs and close to 22 inches.

jen302 · August 2012

I'm having one because of terrible back issues. I think people think I make up my pain. If I tell them the doctor said its inu best interest they say, "of course they do, they get paid more and it quicker and they can schedule you" it really pisses me off!!!! Not every doctor is an ***! I love my doctor and have no reason to think he would steer me in the wrong direction.

monica92603 · August 2012

LindsayB8469:

I have not had my child yet but if i were you i would say " my doctor felt it was in the best interest for the baby and my self to have a c-section" or something along those lines.

and that would be followed by "but if YOUR medical degree says otherwise, I AM ALL EARS!!"

My situation is totally different b/c I just start yapping about "we just want this one out alive" and people go away. I don't like when people suggest what I should be doing w/ my uterus and vagina. I have no guilt EVER and I'm not nice about it Angry

MelleTX · August 2012

I get the opposite. When I say I am having twins, everyone asks "Oh, so you'll schedule a c-section then, right?"

Yes, I am. But no. twins does not always mean a c-section.

nosoup4u · August 2012

Ugh, sorry people suck! Maybe just give them a blank stare and ignore the question? Or just tell them to eff off.

I had a c/s after pushing for 4+ hours after my first, and I would have kicked anyone who told me I hadn't tried hard enough, holy hell!

payn0045 · August 2012

I've found most people to be pretty good, but there are definitely cases where I feel people are being judgey. Most people know I have to go this route because of a major fibroid surgery last year, but a couple still seem to question whether it's truly necessary. I know it's the right thing, but it sucks to feel like you need to second guess yourself and your doctors.

I understand that there are way to many c-section in this country, but it sucks when it puts shame on people in situations where it's medically necessary!

Jmollo28 · August 2012

Be a smarta$$ and say.. well, they gave me the option of my baby dying or having a c-section and it took some contemplation .. but I decided to go with a c-section.

I also was in labor for 20 hours and I dilated to 2 cm and that is it.. and honestly, my DS was under as much stress as I was.. and guess what, he came out perfect and healthy! Come to find out, he was laying with his head turned sideways and I would've pushed and pushed and he would've never come out. So, why put your baby under stress.

Are you a good mother? I'm sure you are.. and that is all that matters you don't need to prove yourself

Heather2256 · August 2012

I haven't had anyone say anything at all about my c/s. But I'd just be like, "And who the hell are you to say things like that?" Any woman who hasn't had a c/s can't imagine what it's like being strapped to a table & having their baby cut out. In my opinion you have to be pretty strong & brave to go through it!

mama&baby · August 2012

The sad thing is, the only time I have ever had anyone remotely hint to having a c/s as being a "cop out" or the like is on HERE. It's pathetic that mommies judge each other over something so trivial. I was in labor for 16 hours plus horrible, peaking contractions + pitocin and was dialted a whole 1.5 cm. My water broke, so they had to get baby out. Oh I'm sorry what? You had a vag delivery in 4 hours? But somehow YOU deserve a medal and me doing what's necessary for my baby is wong?

Ugh I know it's hard to deal with comments like that... I second PPs who said you don't owe them anything. But, if you have issues with biting your tongue (which I would) I would echo the "they needed to get my baby out safely and I chose life for my baby over my desire to have a vag. birth. I needed to make that UNSELFISH decision and I'm glad I did".

coromble · August 2012

That is absolutely horrible! I can't believe people have said that. People have been concerned about me because they were worried that either the baby or I were in distress...which actually wasn't the case. She was sunny side up, wouldn't descend and I have the world's smallest pelvic bones. I pushed for 3 hours, they tried the vacuum and she just wasn't coming! Plus, when they broke my water they saw evidence of meconium, so they didn't want her in there for too long.

Anyway, a c-section is major abdominal surgery, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You did what you had to do to have a healthy baby. I thank God that there is such a thing as a c-section. I probably would have died in childbirth a couple hundred years ago if not for this intervention!

meli1025 · August 2012

Definitely nothing to be ashamed of! If it weren't for modern day medicine and my c-section I don't think my son would be alive today. You have to trust your doctor and people who judge should just be told that it's none of their business! I wasn't happy about needing one because it wasn't in my plan, but my son was in such distress and his heart rate literally fell off the monitor for a few seconds. Scariest time of my life! Thanks to my c-section, we're all doing great two years later. I'm not ashamed to be scheduling my second one in February either.

TofuMama7 · August 2012

I've had a few comments but mostly just because I was so anti C-section last time around (I had a natural birth with my son but due to a medical complication will be having a scheduled C-section this time)

What I've been saying to people is "I didn't think I'd ever have a scheduled c-section, but what's really important is the safety of my baby and me, and this is the safest choice so it's the one I'm going with"

MariJ1008 · August 2012

Someone posted this blog on a different post from this board and I think it's great!

https://avital.blogspot.com/2011/01/cesarean-courage.html#axzz23WNIeCRV

But to the people who have said those things to you...that is just horrible and I would not have them a part of my life! What you did was an amazing thing! you carried your child, made sure your child was healthy, and you went into labor pushed for hours and hours, and the best thing for you and baby and for the safety for both of you was to have a csection. I am so furious right now that people have the nerve to say those kinds of things! No one has ever said anything like that to me, and if they did I tell them to go F themselves! They don't know anything about pregnancy, or child birth! You went through major surgery...are going through a recovery process and still taking care of your baby!!! Ask all of those people to go have surgery done and take care of a newborn then come back and question you as a woman and a mother! The only comeback you need (in my opinion) is telling they don't know *** and to keep their comments to themselves! And the ones who say they never want a csection and pray to god it never happens....tell them they should be mentally prepared for both, vaginal and csection birth, because the moment you are in the hospital anything can go wrong..anything can happen, and you have NO control! and if getting cut open means your baby being born safely and healthy you would gladly do it!

OMG I can not beleive people sometimes! Don't let those idiots bring you down!

Want a personalized experience?

do people ever make you feel guilty about c sec

Re: do people ever make you feel guilty about c sec

Choose Another Board

Search Boards