views on funerals post loss?

lrichmond86 · August 2012

A good friend of mine lost her dad last night unexpectedly. He was very young and died of a massive heart attack. They have not said when services will be, but they do plan to have them. Here's my question: I have not been to a funeral since baby Gary's. I'm not sure that I can handle going to one. I feel anxious about it already and I think I would be a complete mess. Do I go anyway in support of my friend? Or will my being there and being so emotional only make things worse for her? I really want to do the right thing here. I've said right along that I don't want this loss to change me in the way that I handle the people around me and I've worked very hard to make sure it hasn't. But I feel like this one might be too close to home for me. What do you think?

tuscanbride2007 · August 2012

So sorry about your friend's loss.

IMO, because she is such a good friend, you should go. You will probably be a mess, and that is OK, but your friend will feel better with you there. I have met a woman through this loss journey who lost her daughter and 2 months later her BF lost her husband in a car accident. She said that it affected as hard as when her daughter passed, but that she was trying to be there for her friend. As we all know, we just need people to lean on when we go through our grief.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · August 2012

DH's grandmother passed right after Easter. They didn't have a full blown funeral service but they did have a private for family only showing and then a "Celebration of Life" and dinner. I was very anxious going to the funeral home and being at the funeral home. DH and I both cried but told her to take care of our Corbin until we get there. I bawled during the service - but more because I didn't agree with what the preacher was saying.

If she's a good friend I'd say go. I'm sure she'll understand if you're all upset. She might like having someone there to cry their eyes out with.

dandywarhol · August 2012

I think you have to go. Right now your friend is in need and as difficult as it will be for you, your friend still needs you. It will be hard and sad for you but in my mind the death of a grown man is a lot different from the death of a baby and focusing on the difference might help get you through it.

This might sound weird, but when you find out the timing of the services, would there be a way to make sure you have a good cry before attending the funeral, that way you might be all cried out for the funeral? Then again that might just make you more emotional...

a&aw12707 · August 2012

A very good friend of mine lost his mother a week after we lost Mason. They had a celebration of life about two weeks after we had Mason's services. I honestly didn't know if I would be able to make it through, but I went for my friend. I was a mess the entire time, but I did make it. I had a seat near the back in case I needed to leave. Sorry, rambling a bit. My point is, although it was tough, I do not regret going for minute to be there for my friend.

Nesting.Away · August 2012

My DH lost his first grandparent about 9mo after losing our daughter. When we were at the services, we told ourselves that we had already been through the worst thing someone could go through, burying their child, so this service or any other service after would never be as bad. It helped us get through. ((hugs))

magdalina.h · August 2012

I would go. Funerals aren't a fun time so it's not like you'll be out of place crying. I bet she was there for you and could really use your support.

ally2011 · August 2012

I would go. The first everything is hard after losing a child. But being there for your friend is important. The anticipation of these things is usually worse than the actual event. If you are really worried, go early, walk around the cemetary and get it out before the service. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Gary and your friend's loss of her dad.

Hugs,

Jenn

views on funerals post loss?

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