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September 2012 Moms
Another Shower guest perspective (a bit long)
This happened with my first shower (and only shower) over a year ago. I flew home to see my family while I was pregnant with DS and visit, while I was there my mom and BFF threw me a shower. It was nice and low-key. My mom called my grandmother (my dads mom) to make sure she would be there. She didn't come to my wedding shower and this apparently ticked my mom off. I told her it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't to me. I figured there was a reason, my mom told her even if she didn't have the money for a present she should still be there. I told her to drop it and not make such a big deal about it. It's not like I wouldn't see her during my time home.
The day of my shower my grandmother showed up late and when she got there she started crying when she saw me. She sat down and her crying turned into weeping and then into full out sobs. It was uncomfortable for most of the guests. I was opening presents at the time so it had been relatively silent until people heard her sobbing. Then I overheard her telling my cousin that this would have been my fathers first grandchild. My dad had passed away from a sudden heart attack in 2003. Years had passed but this is was still very painful for her, as it should be. I'm not one to show my emotions but it hurts me just the same and differently.
I'm telling this story because some people have been posting how hurt they are when someone doesn't show up to their shower. You have the RIGHT to get upset but please realize there may be a valid reason you have a no show. My mom pushed the issue and once it was too late she realized she should have left it alone. So perhaps the fact your BFF who has gone through a divorce with three kids doesn't want to celebrate a happy occasion is well within her right. And perhaps the MIL who has MS doesn't want to be there because she knows her quality of life will go down as your child will grow up thus limiting her interaction with them. There is nothing like a new life entering the world that helps you understand how fragile it all is sometimes. Sometimes it's not all about you. I rarely get preachy on these boards I'm just trying to give another perspective.
The day of my shower my grandmother showed up late and when she got there she started crying when she saw me. She sat down and her crying turned into weeping and then into full out sobs. It was uncomfortable for most of the guests. I was opening presents at the time so it had been relatively silent until people heard her sobbing. Then I overheard her telling my cousin that this would have been my fathers first grandchild. My dad had passed away from a sudden heart attack in 2003. Years had passed but this is was still very painful for her, as it should be. I'm not one to show my emotions but it hurts me just the same and differently.
I'm telling this story because some people have been posting how hurt they are when someone doesn't show up to their shower. You have the RIGHT to get upset but please realize there may be a valid reason you have a no show. My mom pushed the issue and once it was too late she realized she should have left it alone. So perhaps the fact your BFF who has gone through a divorce with three kids doesn't want to celebrate a happy occasion is well within her right. And perhaps the MIL who has MS doesn't want to be there because she knows her quality of life will go down as your child will grow up thus limiting her interaction with them. There is nothing like a new life entering the world that helps you understand how fragile it all is sometimes. Sometimes it's not all about you. I rarely get preachy on these boards I'm just trying to give another perspective.
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Re: Another Shower guest perspective (a bit long)
Very well said. It's understandable to be hurt when someone you feel should be there for you isn't, but it's so true that we may not know the whole story no matter how much we think we know or understand someone else. Two very close friends of mine did not make it to my shower. One had recently lost a pregnancy late in term and one was struggling with years of unsuccessful infertility treatments.
I realize that I had the benefit of knowing their situations to understand their absence, but they were too torn to actually officially offer their regrets to me (I think in some way they just wanted to not draw attention to their own pain while I celebrated something they so desperately longed for). It wasn't worth me holding on to it. I was stepping into something wonderful (motherhood) and I didn't want to squander it. It seemed right to keep my focus on what I had to be thankful for in light of their pain.
I don't know the situations of the other posters. I didn't read their posts, but I hope they are able to keep their eyes on the positive too.
I agree!
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh