It's like I can slowly feel the fog coming on...

I had PPD with DS #1... and about a year after having him, the "fog" lifted and I finally felt like my old self and happy.  I was so happy... happier than I've ever been in my life.  But, I've also stayed on medication because it worked wonders for me.  When I found out I was pregnant with DS #2 I stopped the medication because it wasn't safe... 

But as my due date gets closer and closer I can feel the fog almost coming back... I worry bad things will happen all the time to my family.  I always feel like I could cry, for no reason at all really- it's so hard to put into words- I'm just not happy and there's no explanation at all about it.  I can tell sleep is getting harder not because of my growing body, but because of the anxiety I can no longer control anxiety and worry that is not warranted.  I miss my quite mind without all the worrying.  I miss feeling happy and content, I remember feeling this way all too well and I've already made plans to start my medication again the day after I have DS #2 because a happy Mama is what's going to be best for all of us, but I'm still terrified... 

I guess if you've made it this far and you're going through PPD, just know it does get better and you will be happy again one day I promise.  I'm just scared to go down this road again... it's not easy.