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1st Trimester
Team Green vs. I HATE surprises >.<
OK - - it?s a long rant? sorry?
DH and I are at a disagreement? I absolutely hate surprises? I like being able to plan ahead and even for birthdays/Christmas I always try and peak to find out what I am getting (now I can usually look at the bank statement but DH is catching on and using cash? grumble)? Feel free to bash me for being a party-pooper, but that?s just who I am? I do not like being caught off guard and knowing things ahead put me at ease.
DH doesn?t mind surprises. So he wants to join Team Green. He is worried if we find out the gender, that all of the stuff we get for our shower will be gender specific and if we have another child of a different sex, that we won?t be able to re-use it? DUH - - just register for neutral things and return things that people get you that you don?t want/need in hot pink!
Also, in doing some "let?s look at the baby clearance section" shopping ? NOTHING IS GENDER NEUTRAL!!! OK? maybe 1 thing each time I go? sure, people will get me a few outfits once we have the baby, but then I will need to rely on my MOM, MIL, Sisters etc. to do all of the shopping plus be stuck sticking my kid in yellow and green for the first 6 months? Also, won?t be able to buy ahead. Again? I like being prepared?
We have a room that is blue and orange ? but it is a bit too masculine for a baby girl nursery. DH says "it?s not like she will remember it" but I will? I don?t want to re-paint if we have a boy, but I feel like for a girl there will need to be changes?
There are lots of people on DH?s side and he feels the need to remind me of this and everything they said the last time he talked to them about why we shouldn?t find out. Like my MIL "it will give you something extra to push towards during labor"? ummm as if a kid isn?t good enough incentive?!
I just feel like I will be able to bond more with the baby ? have our nursery well prepared ? and have a name and outfits all picked out and ready. If we do find out ? I probably won?t tell anyone else, but I don?t want to know If DH doesn?t want to know because if I ruin it for him I?m not sure he?d forgive me L ? Anyone else having this issue???
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Team Green vs. I HATE surprises &gt;.&lt;
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I agree, there are very few gender neutral items for babies. Trust me, I was team green for DS at DH's very strong insistence. I will lay out our +/- argument for team green.
+
relatives give you things, not clothes, much more useful
wonderful surprise at the end when the doc says "it's a ..."
gender neutral nurseries are wonderful and not that hard to create
can reuse clothing and toys for baby #2
only have to be in gender neutral clothes for the first month or two (DS outgrew 0-3 by 1 month old)
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have to call it "the baby" instead of by name
can't personalize the nursery until baby comes
can't shop for cute clothes before baby is born
people constantly ask "what are you having" and you have to respond sarcastically "a baby, really hoping it's not a unicorn"
if someone does buy you cute baby girl things and you end up with a boy, you may not be able to return it because they were dumb and didn't include a gift receipt
This time we're finding out because I want to have that experience this time because we had a surprise last time. Plus cute clothes, I want to know if I need a new wardrobe, calling baby by name, cute nursery (although we've decided not to do a nursery until baby is born because we're moving).
My BFP Chart
We both would find out today if we could, lol. With DS we also found out, and I registered for all gender neutral items (no clothes). Of course I recieved a ton of clothes anyway, but the clothes given at my shower, and after DS arrived are only clothes, and the only things that were gender specific. So, we're good to go either way:) GL.
ETA: for me finding out was another way I could bond with our baby. I wanted to know as much about him as I possibly could. We also decided on his name (but kept that a secret until he was born. I made a diaper wreath to announce his name with, and it made it really fun, because everyone was dying to know
).
For us its the opposite. I am team green and DH is not! He really wants to find out. I just love the idea of a surprise for everyone! For gender neutral I would definately agree that it is so tough! However my plan is to buy a couple outfits for the first week in both boy and girl and then return whatever it is not once he/she arrives!
All the gear we want is neutral anyways so nothing to htink about there, but i'll be happy to not received a bunch of pink or blue from family etc as a result of not knowing.
As for the nursery, we are planning a gray and white theme and then plan to accent it with a color after birth! Hope these few ideas help!
We are finding out. Originally, I was the one who wanted to wait, but I don't think I could. haha. So we're going to be Team B or P. We still haven't decided if we'll tell anyone before the shower. I keep going back and forth.
My aunt found out (because the doctor slipped one visit) and she let her H decide if he wanted to know. She went out and bought a blue "I love Daddy" bib and wrapped it up. They went out to dinner and she gave it to him. She told him to open it if he wanted to know the sex. The few days before that, she was very careful to watch what she was saying. If she slipped and said 'he', the next time, she'd say 'she'. I don't know if that would work for you. I think I would subconsciously slip, so I'm glad we're on the same page.
My DH gos along with whatever I want as far as the 20 wk u/s. I'm a planner, too. When we brought our daughter home, her room was ready, her clothes had been washed and ironed by me...our home was just waiting for her to get there. We plan to find out with this baby as well.
I really dislike when people ask "are you going to find out." and then huff and puff and give an attitude when your decision isn't what theirs would be. My girlfriend did this to me last week. Seriously???? This is my family and my home which u are sitting your rearend in...don't give me an attitude!!!!!
DD's current room is really pink
we will be moving her into the current guest room and repainting that room to purple , which she has picked... And either way are repainting the baby's room 
.
GL!
You can be "non-surprised" and still do a lot of things to make sure things are reusable for a second sibling of a different gender. We did that for DD, but didn't go "team green."
Our nursery got painted yellow. For you, I would definitely want to know if I should paint the room. However, what if it's a boy, and in a year and a half, you have a girl--are you going to paint the room then? Maybe paint it now, either way, a neutral color/color scheme. The linens have animals.
All our big items (pack n play, stroller, high chair, etc.) are all neutrals. People did in fact give us these items even knowing we were having a girl. (They also threw in a lot of adorable clothes.)
We are on "team tell us" this time around because we want to know if we can keep all of DD's clothes or if we should start hauling them over to the children's resale boutiques and I should start looking for deals (as they pop up) on boys' clothes, because we won't have a shower this time to buy us cute outfits, so the sooner I know, the sooner I can keep my eyes open for deals as I find them. Only new big item we want is a double stroller/sit n stand.
I totally feel you. We co-sleep, so nursery or anything, but I like to plan stuff too. And I don't mind my girls wearing blue stuff, but I like my boys not to wear girly stuff. And I HATE HATE HATE green, yellow, and orange. Hate them. My absolute least favorite colors. I don't want anything in those colors. And yeah, that's not a great reason to find out, but it's not my most important reason. If we ever went team green, my kid would only have blue and brown clothes. LOL
I have found out with all of mine, despite naysayers (family, bff). I understand completely that it's not for everyone, but it's what I feel is necessary to really bond with my baby pre-birth. I like having a name picked out and all that, and just knowing who my baby is means a lot to me. Thankfully dh agrees. And it wouldn't have mattered with our first two. The moment the u/s wand went on my belly, we saw flashes of parts! It was awesome. #3 and #4 were more shy and they had to go digging a bit.
Only you and your DH can come to an agreement on this but I do want to mention a few things about being Team Green.
We were team green with #1 and it was my husband's idea. I came around and it was an absolutely wonderful surprise. Our nursery has aqua walls and the fabrics are coral, aqua, navy and lime green. It's very gender neutral but not boring and I absolutely love it.
Also, on baby clothes. You can buy enough to get you through a week and then go shopping. You also don't know how big your baby is going to be so honestly it's a good idea not to have too much of any one size at the beginning anyways. I had maybe 5-7 gender neutral outfits and then my mom and I went shopping the week after Olivia was born and get cute girl stuff. It was easy and really not a big deal. Plus she was tiny so we needed the newborn size stuff for awhile and a lot of people had told me to skip the newborn size and just go to 0-3 month. I was glad I hadn't stocked up on that!
For the showers, people will definitely buy you more of what you need for the baby if you don't know the sex, especially if it's a girl. People can't resist adorable baby girl clothes and a lot of my friends who had girls got primarily clothes instead of the carseat, swing, etc. Pretty much all baby gear comes in neutral colors which is nice.
Only you guys can decide what's right for you and I understand that being team green is definitely not for everyone. It really is a fun surprise though and everyone is so excited for you to have the baby because they can't wait to find out what it is. I think it's quite a bit more exciting than already knowing the name and everything before the birth. Good luck on your decision!
It wouldn't be the end of the world if you were to find out and your H stayed team green, provided you could respect his wishes as he would respect yours, and not mention the sex of the baby to him or anyone else.
I am finding out Saturday. FI doesn't want to know at all. It's a dream of his to stay team green until the end, and it has never been a dream of mine. Therefore, when I find out, he won't be going with me. I told everyone else (aside from my mom, which FI agreed is fine) that I am staying team green with FI so as not to be badgered to reveal the sex, and the whole, "I won't tell anyone!" speech. Anything myself or my mother buys for the baby that is "revealing" will be stored at my mom's.
I am a fan of neutral nurseries anyway. I don't like overly boy, and I don't like too girly. It works out there.
Point is, if you really want to know and your H really doesn't, there are ways to work around that--- you just have to compromise.
We were team green so I am just going to dispell some of you beliefs about team green. You can't return everything that people buy you (or it isn't worth it). My sister found out she was having a boy at 17 weeks and a shower at 32 weeks. People started buying boy clothes at 17 weeks. Many stores have a time limit on returns and items had been marked down so much that she only got a dollar or two for most items.
Newborns pretty much live in sleepers and onesies. White onesies are gender neutral and so are many sleepers. You can also shop at stores like Carters or Kohls that have very lenient return policies and get a handful of outfits for each gender. My son never wore the typical gender neutral clothes. We had about 10 outfits for each gender (plus a ton of boy onesies) and brought two of each to the hospital. My husband purchased more boy clothes after he was born and most people bring you baby clothes in the hospital.
If this baby is a girl she will wear a lot of her brother's onesies. The baseball onesie that he wore with jean shorts she will wear with a red skirt and a bow in her hair.
I honestly don't recommend buying a lot of clothes ahead of time anyways. My son completely skipped over 3-6 month sizes so you may think you are doing something so great by buying all of these clothes because you know what you are having but LO may not fit into them.
You can have a fully prepped nursery without knowing what you are having and chances are the baby won't be in there for a few months anyways. So if you absolutely cannot make blue and orange work for a girl (which I would love for either gender but I'm a Bears/ U of I fan) it can be repainted when she is still rooming in with you. The only bedding you need is a sheet so it's not worth spending $300 on a bedding set when you won't be using it. And why would you not have names picked out for both genders? I know many people are already brainstorming names well before anatomy scans. When we went to the hospital we had two names for each gender because sometimes a baby just looks more like a certain name. My son looks like a Jack. He doesn't look like a Max. Had we found out he was a boy beforehand we would have gone with Max. I would have regretted getting monogrammed items because he is not a Max. I highly recommend not getting 100% set on a name before birth.
It is very rare but ultrasounds can be wrong. My friend that had a baby in November had her 17 week A/S and then 4 level 2 ultrasounds due to complications. The first three ultrasounds looked like a girl. So she got girl clothes, painted the nursery purple... and the fourth (a month before delivering) revealed that it was actually a boy.
Ditto this! I think you have to look at a baby and see if that name fits. Our #1 boy name choice is not DS's name because it didn't fit.
We called DS Peanut and this baby is Green Bean. My cousins have called their team green babies Bacon, jelly bean, bear, and pumpkin. There are many things to call your baby versus "it" or "baby" to make it special. Nine months later my son is still my little Peanut... I'm pretty certain I'll be calling him Peanut when he gets married.
My DH was also wanting to be team green for our DD but we impulsively changed our minds at the last min and decided to find out. We were glad we did! This time around we will probably find out again.
We loved keeping the name a secret and constantly told people"we are waiting until we are in the hospital and see her to choose the name" although we we pretty certain ahead of time. I think keeping *something* secret is fun, at least for me!
Thanks for the name calling... real mature.
If DH's sole purpose for team green was to be surprised then that's another issue - his reasons are off base that we won't get gender neutral things. He has also said he might change his mind at the time of the ultrasound, but is his want of team green not selfish by causing more stress on me because I won't be able to feel as though I am prepared to have this baby based on the gender? Is it worth me stressing out over?
It is not just a desire to go buy stuff - - it is a desire to bond with my baby before it comes into the world... Surprises really stress me out... and I'm pretty sure that being stressed during a pregnancy is frowned upon.
Your ute=your choice.
LOL, I kid (kind of) but if DH and I both weren't on board to find out (thankfully we are) I would still probably get my way.
You sound like a gem.
This was definitley the case for me. DD is the first little girl born in our family in a looooong time (she doesn't have any cousins or anything, either) and people went overboard. I was actually kind of disappointed after my shower, b/c we still needed all these practical things, and I was surrounded by a pile of pink dresses...
Despite that, we will find out again with this one. I think it's a surprise no matter when you find out. Having the u/s tech tell us we were having a DD was a very special moment, and when I really started to feel a strong connection to our baby.
Me too! I never thought this would be the case, but I want the surprise and DH wants to know!
I think you could come up with a compromise...
If me and DH were at odds with this, I would propose that we have a gender reveal. Yes, you would obviously find out before baby is born... but you could have the cake baker be the only one who knows about the gender and then find out at the same time as friends and family! You can build a registry full of gender neutral items and have that be like an early shower or something. Don't know if you like that idea... but it's probably the best I've got.
Honestly, I would definitely hope that DH would be on the same page as me (and I think he will with #2 since we both really wanted to know the sex ASAP with LO) but if he wasn't and wasn't willing to compromise, then I would probably find out the sex myself and keep it a secret. I'm carrying this baby... so yeah ;-)
We aren't finding out, but at least we're both on the same page about it.
I heard an idea a few years ago re: clothing. Buy some of each and just staple the receipt to the bag. Once the baby is born, send someone back to return the clothes you don't need. (Or you could always just use it for gifts later.) I might do that.
We are on the same page about finding out, but if we weren't I would definitely not force my DH to find out for me. If I really wanted to find out, I would just ask the tech to write it down so I could look at it later and then we would agree on a neutral nickname for the baby (like a PP said, Peanut, etc) so that I wouldn't have to worry about slipping with he or she. It is a huge thing and I don't think one person should have to give in for the other.
We were a little undecided about finding out with our first baby and lots of people told us not to because the surprise at the end is awesome, but then a friend told me that the day you have the baby is amazing no matter what, but if you find out the sex you can have two really fun, surprising days. She suggested going out and celebrating on the day you find out and buying something for the baby that was specifically girly or boyish, depending. I thought that was a cool idea- so maybe something you could see if your DH would get on board with.
My husband wanted to be team green, but I absolutely hate surprises, so I didn't want to. He accepted my wishes, so we found out the gender.
It's pretty frustrating trying to find gender neutral stuff for babies, though. For a while, I thought we'd be team green without a choice, because the baby wasn't cooperating. And every time I went to try to find something to buy, I couldn't find anything neutral! Even the stuff that was colored green, white, or yellow had gender specific stuff on it! Unless it was plain and boring...