Too long of a commute from baby?

gui's gal · July 2012

Hi. I am going back to work in mid September and LO will be 5 1/2 months.

My commute is from NJ to NYC by bus or train, and it takes 1 1/2 hours each way. My boss is very understanding, and she says I can work from home one day a week.

Please give me your honest opinions...Do you think it's poor judgment for me to leave my LO in daycare from 7:30am to 6pm each day and be 20 miles / 1 1/2 hours away from him? We don't have any family that lives really close to help out in case of an emergency, but we do have close friends who are willing to help out.

TIA!

Strunella · July 2012

That is my commute exactly, and I work from home 2 days a week. I'll be honest, I really could not commute into the city more than 3 days a week...you'll feel like you never see your baby. (When I go to the office, I'm gone from 7:00 am to 6:30 pm.) Do you have someone else who can pick up LO at 6:00 pm in case you can't make it? Because as you know, there is always "something" with NJ Transit and there are plenty of days you won't make it back for pick up by 6:00.

We have a nanny and luckily, DH works 20 minutes from home. I would not be comfortable with both of us working in the city even with a nanny. What if there is an emergency with baby? Wait for the next train and get home in an hour and a half? Car service is useless in traffic. I really feel like either DH or I have to be a reasonable distance away just in case. Those are my concerns...I'm not sure if you have any other options.

KathrynMD · July 2012

that schedule is the reality for a lot of people; it sucks, but its manageable.

In a worst case scenario, if your LO was sick or you were in awful traffic/train breakdown, etc. what's your back up plan?

I have a long commute (1:15 minutes average - driving and subway) but my husband works 20 minutes from daycare, so if something's urgent, he can always get to DD. It makes me feel much better knowing he can be there - last year, when we had the earthquake in DC, I was stuck in traffic for hours, but DH basically just walked out his office and got in his car and was home w/ DD having ice cream in 30 minutes. My mom can always get DD too if we are both stuck somewhere.

reb562 · July 2012

Don't feel bad, many of us will be doing the same thing--including myself. I do agree you might need a back up plan if your little one gets sick. Other than that, you'll or We will be fine.

preggersin2011 · July 2012

I'm not sure what the NJ law is, but here in NY they cannot be in day care for more than 9.5 hours so if you drop off at 7:30am you have to pick them up by 5pm

gui's gal · July 2012

Thanks so much for your advice! It has definitely given me food for thought. And it's nice to know that I'm not alone in trying to juggle work, commuting, and being a mom.

groovygrl · July 2012

GL! I know lots of ppl do it and I would think it would be challenging...if we had stayed in NJ I was planning to try to find a job in NJ even if still far away so at least I'd have the flexibility of driving to work vs depending on the train system, etc., but that was just me, getting stranded during 9/11, the blackout a year later and multiple other weird train issues made me a bit less than excited to have a child in NJ if I was in NY. Does your H work in the city, you didn't say? I think if he doesn't also, then it is a huge pro for you guys, b/c if LO needs to be picked up, etc, you have someone nearby.

GL! I say give it a try & if you hate it you can try to find something else!

Unknown · July 2012

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Rocklandholly · July 2012

We have pretty much the same schedule/commute as you do. I also work from home one day a week. If your boss is flexible, can you work from home on days where you think something might happen - like LO was up a lot at night and your afraid they are coming down with something -so you work from home as a "just in case". Let everyone at daycare know your situation and to call you early on if they think something might be up b/c a 1.5 hr commute and the phone call comes right after you just missed a mid-day train could make it 2+ hrs until you get to daycare.

At some point, I will look for a job closer to home...bu like you I have flexibility and at this point that is worth more to me....

jessager · July 2012

have you thought about finding a daycare near your office in the city?

randp · July 2012

Honestly - i think it will be hard. I had the same commute as you - NJ to NYC and it was 1.5hrs each way. i ended up finding a job in NJ before we had kids.

in general, i find the commute to be very taxing. plus - there were always delays on the train - 5min or 50min. you would never know. (so frustrating - but i guess you know this).

my daycare has a policy that once they call you (if your DC is sick/etc), you have 1 hr to get to the daycare.

maybe can your DH do the dropoffs and you can get to work really early and then leave a little earlier?

in the end, you have to do what you have to do. in answer to your question re: poor judgement - no, it's not. maybe try it out and then if it isn't working, try to find a job closer to home (also easier said than done) or try to work 2 days per week from home. - maybe you could put in more hours on the day(s) from home and then work fewer hours at the office so that you have some flexibility.

gui's gal · July 2012

Wow. Thanks again for all the replies. This situation has really been wearing on me, and I find it hard to enjoy what's left of my maternity leave with LO. Your input has really made me feel less alone and more hopeful. I am applying to jobs closer to home---fingers crossed I find something soon. I love working but want to find some kind of balance. I wish more companies left moms do part-time or more telecommuting. Thanks again. You all are wonderful!

Kie310 · July 2012

The amount of time isn't an issue to me. My son is in DC from 7:45am to 5:20pm. The issue for me would be how far I am. I know when he was first in school he would get sick & I would have to get him... I was in there in 20 minutes, I couldn't imgaine 1.5-2 hours to get to him. And if there is an emergency? I would die being that far away.

jteneback · July 2012

I do that commute 4 times a week, 3 would be better but it's manageable. DH works a lot closer and he handles all drop-offs and pick-ups as the train as you know is not always dependable. I don't love all the time I spend commuting but it works for us.

jteneback · July 2012

jessager:
have you thought about finding a daycare near your office in the city?

Day care in the city is practically nonexistent and I can't imagine dragging a baby on a commute of that nature. Most of us drive or walk to the train, then spend as much as an hour on a public train, then come up 3 sets of stairs with a stroller (or wait forever for the one elevator) and then either walk or get on the subway which is also difficult to navigate with a stroller. I did it once when I had to get DD her EU passport and I hope to never do it again.

kyethra · August 2012

It depends. I have family that does this, including working from home one day a week. I don't think it would work for us. I have a rule where I won't travel more than about thirty minutes each way in my current job. I will consider going up to 45 minutes each way for a dream job. But then I would have to drive and that is a situation where I don't feel comfortable with that much time behind a wheel each day. Plus that many hours a week commuting. But if you are comfortable with it, then go for it. I would also consider if you can get anything done while traveling. If you can do email or read or catch up on school work or something that that is something, But otherwise it is just time you can't spend with the baby, time you can't do chores, and time you aren't even getting paid but you are doing something for work. Is the job worth it?

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