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Community Needed (Intro)

miakritamiakrita
in Late Term and Child Loss

So I find myself here.  Like all of you, I'd rather I not be.  

I had an ultra sound yesterday at 8 wks 2 days that revealed that my little angle stopped growing a few days ago.  

To see her (it was going to be a girl per grandma's dreams) on the screen not moving, with no heart beat fluttering.  To hear the Dr. say "well, Michelle, I see the embryo, but no heart beat."  These are very painful, very open wounds right now.

 Everyone says its a common thing.  Everyone knows someone who has gone through it.  But its doesn't make it easier.

 I've had three losses: 

(1) The first was 6 years ago.  The pregnancy was a surprise.  I was in college.  I found out at around 8 weeks but then I lost it around 10.  I've always written it off as something traumatic and it was something I soon got over. 

(2) Now I am married and my husband and I have been TTC since March.  The first month of trying, we had a positive.  But it was a chemical pregnancy.  That was really traumatic as well.  But I told myself that I shouldn't be too upset about it -- after all, I'd have another chance next month, etc. 

(3) Now this is my third pregnancy and third loss.  It is still in me.  I am going to wait and see if it gets expelled naturally.  It is a horrible feeling to feel pregnant but know that it is dead.  I am so upset.  I can barely eat even though the hormones are making me feel hungry.  I can barely sleep though the hormones are still making me tired.      

I wish I knew someone in real life who is going through this right now.  My husband is upset, too, but he has already gone back to work and I don't know if he feels it in the same way I do.  I just want to talk about all these feelings I'm having with someone who really knows.

 I feel many things.  There are so many thoughts.  I feel numb mostly.  But other times I cry uncontrollably.  

I've taken off work and I am just in the kitchen baking today.     

I'm joining you ladies hoping to find a sense of community.  I don't really know what else to say except that I am happy that there is a place like this.

 Thank you for in advance for the community comfort.  

Mother to 3 angels: D&C May 2006 - My cherry blossom child. TTC since March 2012. BFP March 2012; CP March 2012 - 4 weeks 1 day. BFP July 8, 2012; No HB August 6, 2012 - 8 weeks 2 days. M/C August 21, 2012. Cremated in our backyard 5 days later. Starting charting 10/29/12. Stalk me at My Ovulation Chart
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Re: Community Needed (Intro)

  • miakritamiakrita

    I'm really sorry if I offended anyone by posting this.  I am really distraught today and I saw the "loss" board before I saw the miscarriage board, which is probably more appropriate for my needs at this time.

     Again, I'm sorry if my confusion caused anyone to be upset. 

     Thanks for listening and understanding,

    Michelle 

    Mother to 3 angels: D&C May 2006 - My cherry blossom child. TTC since March 2012. BFP March 2012; CP March 2012 - 4 weeks 1 day. BFP July 8, 2012; No HB August 6, 2012 - 8 weeks 2 days. M/C August 21, 2012. Cremated in our backyard 5 days later. Starting charting 10/29/12. Stalk me at My Ovulation Chart
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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    Please don't feel bad, I am so sorry for your losses and I hope you can find some comfort among women who understand your experiences.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • miakritamiakrita
    Thank you ladies.  I really appreciate the responses.  
    Mother to 3 angels: D&C May 2006 - My cherry blossom child. TTC since March 2012. BFP March 2012; CP March 2012 - 4 weeks 1 day. BFP July 8, 2012; No HB August 6, 2012 - 8 weeks 2 days. M/C August 21, 2012. Cremated in our backyard 5 days later. Starting charting 10/29/12. Stalk me at My Ovulation Chart
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  • CaroleeCarolee member

    I'm so sorry for your losses.  No need to apologize - I don't think anyone is offended.  I hope you're able to find comfort and support on the MC/PL board.

    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • miakritamiakrita

    Thank you ladies.  I am so sorry for all of your losses.  I can't imagine.  Here is hoping time heals all.

    best,

    Michelle 

    Mother to 3 angels: D&C May 2006 - My cherry blossom child. TTC since March 2012. BFP March 2012; CP March 2012 - 4 weeks 1 day. BFP July 8, 2012; No HB August 6, 2012 - 8 weeks 2 days. M/C August 21, 2012. Cremated in our backyard 5 days later. Starting charting 10/29/12. Stalk me at My Ovulation Chart
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