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Demedoll
member
? for those that do not vaccinate or have young children
Demedoll
member
Would it offend you if your SIL didn't want your children around her newborn? My SIL has very young children and doesn't vaccinate them and although we do, our LO will not have any shots when we see them next time. I really do not want the kids touching the baby before it has had its first few shots or before they are really coordinated enough to handle a LO.
Most of my concern is around the general yucky kid germs they acquire touching random things or crawling around, but also if they have come in contact with something more serious without knowing, I obviously do not want our LO catching it. With our DD we let our niece hold her because DD was about 7 months by the time they met but this time the LO will be 1 month. My SILs kids will be 3 years and 1 year old.
DH and I have discussed it and I think I will let him handle it since it is his brother's kids but basically I am hoping they understand without causing drama. So I guess my question is, any suggestions on how to say this without offending a parent? We have enough drama in the family so I am almost to the point of wanting to just skip family gatherings so I don't have to be a part of it.
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Re: ? for those that do not vaccinate or have young children
I do believe your SIL should realize that by her deciding NOT to vaccinate, she'll have to deal with repercussions greater than getting her feelings hurt. Her children's lack of vaccinations puts your newborn at a higher risk period. I would not let your husband decide, it would be a decision hands down that until your child received their vaccines at least their first sets, they wouldn't be in contact with your SIL's children.
https://www.vaccinateyourbaby.org/why/protecting.cfm
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This.
I would rather hurt SIL's feelings than let my little get exposed to all sorts of preventable diseases.
I agree with this.
She will be offended or whe won't be, and there probably isn't much you can do about it. You ought to be polite and sensitive to her feelings (and I am sure you will be), but your SIL's happiness isn't really your primary concern in this situation.
Thank you for the input ladies. It is nice to hear I'm not the only one that feels this way.
To answer one of the posters, I understand I cannot prevent my children from ever interacting with other kids that are not vaccinated but I do not plan on bringing them out in public the first couple of months anyway so that isn't a concern because everyone they come in contact with at home is vaccinated and washes up. After that time period at least the baby will have the first round of shots.
Yeah, I am in the "if they are offended, eff them" camp.
I bring DD out and about, because I really don't expect anyone to touch her in her carseat or in the Ergo. If she's in any kind of extended exposure situation, though, I have asked if the other kids are all vaxed, and if the adults have had pertussis boosters. So far, I haven't come across non-vaxers yet, although we have a family reunion in a month that might bring a few out of the woodwork.
But what if you have small kids around your newborn, that have been vaccinated for SOME things, but not everything yet because they are still little. Are they not allowed around your newborn?
No, it's a "what-if". My kids get vaccinated, but I had an 18-month old when I had DD#2 and a 3YO and a 19-month old when I had my other kids. But they weren't fully vaccinated from everything.
My sister did not want DD around her NB (baby is now 2mos old) and it did hurt my feeling but mostly because of how she talked to me and things she said that were uncalled for. And we vax. I would say be honest but please try to be polite. I understood that my sister was nervous about germs but calling me a bad parent because I don't spank my 1yr old had nothing to do with the germ issue and was completely hurtful.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
This. Not spanking a child doesn't put your baby at risk. Exposing a newborn to kids that you know are not vaccinated does. I am not saying be rude about if but I would never back down to avoid confrontation on this particular issue.
I really think there is a difference between a kid with some vaccinations and a kid with none. My daughter has had three does of her DTaP by the age of one, and I would want any one year old near my newborn to have had the same. Pertussis is not something to play Russian roulette with. Unless there is a legitimate reason for a family to choose not to vaccinate, one that the CDC approves of, than I always plan on limiting my children's exposure to non-vaccinated people.
What difference does their reason for not vaccinating make? If you think a child who hasn't been vaccinated is a threat to your newborn how does their reasoning remove the threat?
OP - I don't family should be upset about you not wanting your newborn exposed to them. Honestly, I wouldn't be crazy about them being too close with or without vaccines. My friend just had a baby and my son hasn't had the chickenpox vaccine yet. I don't want to bring him near the baby and I certainly won't be offended if she agrees.
There are some legitimate health reasons that prevent children from receiving vaxs...i.e. immune disorders, immune compromised due to chemo/radiation. Those examples though are quite the exception not the rule.
I had winter babies and, fortunately BIL's kids live out of state so we didn't have to deal with 3 older kids wanting to paw our newborns and the butthurt that would have ensued when we told them we didn't want them around the newborns. However, when it looked like they were going to be coming in town, our plan was to say our doctor has asked us to stay isolated from large groups and especially to stay away from young children that are in group settings. We started laying the foundation early on that one. We pretty much opted out of any family gatherings for MH's family until springtime. My family doesn't have little children and are all germaphobes that will tell you if they so much as have a hangnail, much less a cold, so we were a little more comfortable around them.
Now that mine are almost 2, I wouldn't be offended in the least if someone asked us to not come around their newborn, even though mine are pretty much bubble boy and girl, and are up to date on their vaxes. A newborn's immune system is fragile and it's hard enough having a new baby, much less a sick one.
Bottom line: blame it on your pedi!
I have two little boys and I didn't take them Anywhere for the first few weeks. And after that, not around people who would be touching or even family. The first time they even got colds were after they were a Year old. Whereas my Daughter In Law had her daughter around all sorts of kids in the first few weeks and she got her first cold at 2 weeks old.
Just tell your SIL to come visit with the kids after your LO has had her shots and that's it. No possibility of sickness until LO has had vaccines.
No way would I let the unvaccinated children visit my newborn. You could do as pp mentioned and keep your LO in a carrier, but there is no guarantee they won't try to touch the baby or stand over the carrier coughing. There are too many risks - pertussis, flu, etc. Are you going to stand guard the whole time? When DS was a newborn my DH friend came over unexpectedly & brought his kids. He was holding DS & actually passed him off to his son to hold!!! I was mortified & took him back making some excuse about DS having to eat. My point is you can never be 100% those kids will not have physical contact if they are in your house.
On a side note, I work as an ER nurse and I've seen the tests the drs put these poor newborns through when they develop a fever. I would not want to put my LO through that just bc I didn't want to hurt my SILs feelings. Stand up for your LO and say no.
But those who are anti-vax have no legitimate reason to not vaccinate. There are zero peer reviewed studies that support your stance. None. It's just pure ignorance and stuipidity that has caused you to make this decision. Those who do vaccinate have actual scientific research to back up our claims. Check the CDC, AAP, WHO, etc. websites for proof of this.
Yes, I do know whether all my friends vaccinate. They all do b/c they are not morons. If I found out any of my friends made such ill-informed decisions, I would promptly kick them right out of my house and they would not return until they made the right decision.
Sorry to create a giant chain, but the PP has hit it on the head. If the kids can't get vaccinated (but would have been if possible), I'm sure their parents would be SUPER vigilant about protecting them as well as they could. We would have more specific conversations about health issues so as to not pass anything to each others' children.
Honestly, I'm really crunchy about many, many things, but vaccinations are not one of them. I personally find it incredibly irresponsible not to vaccinate your children, and I wouldn't want that sort of family in my life at all. If my brother decided not to vaccinate his kids, I would keep mine away from his family until my kids were fully vaccinated, and he would be told explicitly why.
I'm not going to quote a whole chain but I find this statement bizarre
"As opposed to anti-vaxers who are just letting their kids run amok picking up and spreading god knows what. "
Where do you think they are running amok? Do you think they are vacationing on Plum Island or something?
What special precautions are taken when a child can't be vaccinated? I don't think I know anyone but do they not leave the house, are they kept out of daycare?
I'm sorry you've had to deal with this - it must be awful. How is your son doing?
I'm not anti vax but we've done a delayed schedule and went in monthly to spread out the number he gets at one time. I don't have a problem with people not adhering to the exact schedule, but I don't think anyone should be offended at not being around newborns or people with compromised immune systems.
I do know someone who wants her daughter to get chicken pox - apparently with the ped's blessing. And is wondering how best to do that and not endanger the other kids at daycare. She's a toddler but it seems weird to me - what if it does spread to the infant room? I'm sure she couldn't possibly be out of work and home with her daughter for any time she might be contagious and then home while she's sick. It's F'd up. I'm really not excited about this particular vaccine, but also don't want him to have a terrible case of it. And I worry about him not following up as an adult to continue with shots. In a perfect world he would get a very mild case of it and then have real immunity. In the actual world we live in, he'll be getting the vaccine. LOL. It's no surprise to me that the hardest part of being a parent is dealing with other parents.
I never got the chicken pox vaccine and did get chicken pox as a kid. I have two small scars on my forehead where I picked at the itchy spots. My two brothers and sister also got it. It was miserable. I remember soaking in oatmeal baths and hiding on my top bunk to scratch so nobody would see. My cousins did get the vaccine and have never had it. Needless to say my daughter will be getting the vaccine. I did get vaccinated for everything else as a child. I really have no idea why my parents didn't get us vaccinated against Chicken pox.
Having gone through what I went through with my second child at her one month appointment...I wouldn't want ANY kids - vaccinated or not - around my newborn for at least 8 weeks.
We had a birthday party for DD#2 about three weeks after DD#1 was born. We didn't let any kids touch the baby. She pretty much slept the entire time anyway, in the PNP in the living room. All of the kids were either in the basement playroom or outside during the party.
At her one month check-up, a week later, she was sent straight to the ER for a 100.9 fever (it was 100.6 when we first were examined and 100.9 about 10 minutes later), when we were admitted to the ER about 1/2 hour later it was 101.8 and still rising. The poor little thing was poked so many times for an IV line and had to go through a spinal tap to test for meningitis. We were admitted and she had to stay for three nights with an IV of fluids and a course of two different types of antibiotics every three or four (can't really remember, but it was often) hours. THANK GOD it was nothing but a virus.
In talking with the doctors/nurses she caught a bug from the party. Whether it was directly from a kid that had a virus or from her sister who may have had the germs but didn't get sick. I was also breastfeeding her and had since the moment she was born (they say how breastfeeding prevents so many viruses, etc. Not in this case). If I were to ever have a child again, I will definitely adhere to that six week rule and would actually make it 8-10 weeks as our doctor had told us to keep her away from other children for another month.
As an aside, the hospital where I gave birth to both of my children has a very strict policy about no kid visitors unless they are siblings ONLY!
That says a lot to me about germs - whether they are common every day germs or germs that we try to keep our children safe from by vaccinating, which I do. That is another topic that I am not going to get into, but my step-brother's child is not vaccinated and the kid has suffered greatly because of it.
I have been in your situation. My cousin didn't want to vax her kid and we were both due at the same time. We had at length discussions....even had her talk to a friend who is a Ped neurologist for WHO. Among other dr friends about vax and "toxins." she still didn't want to vax and wanted to believe the Internet over everyone else and I told her bluntly "if you don't vax our kids won't play together, even though I know you will protect him as best you can whopping cough is in epidemic levels because of people noti vax (and other factors) and I can't take that risk"
She finally decided to do a delayed schedule but she was offended by my comment. I am more concerned about the safety of my child than her feelings! And the cherry on top that prompted my comment was their plans to go to costa rica when the baby was 3 months old!!!
If others have children I always call and ask if I should leave the kids at home. My kids are vax but still carry toddler germs and when they were newborns others respected that too.
Vaccinated kids can still be a carrier for something they are vaccinated from. It just reduces their chances of getting it, but they can still give it to others who are vaccinated or unvaccinated. Unvaccinated kids just have a greater likely hood of getting those illnesses and that is the risk their parents choose for them.
I vaccinate.
This is what I am talking about with my step-brother's child (see my post above). When their daughter was four, the mother took her to LIVE in the middle of India somewhere for six months in the flithiest conditions, had some kind of parasite that they've "treated" with herbs -she still has issues. Currently (she's 7 now) she lives with Tibetan Monks in the middle of China - they're there for three years. The mother is studying the Tibetan language to be a translator. Obviously, they're Budhists and their religion is against vaccination, hence the reason the daughter has been allowed to be enrolled in public school in Atlanta without vaccination. My concern, however, is that they go to a pediatrician who has told them prior to these trips that they're walking their daughter into a ticking time bomb. You stand by your religion, you practice what's preached to you...except that which your own doctor tells you?? I am all about people making their own choices for their own families, but it is reasons like this that I would much rather prefer to vaccinate my child. First off, you don't know if another child has been vaccinated or not, never mind the fact that you don't have ANY CLUE where that child has been. If you ask me, that is how the diseases that we try to erradicate are spread. That is just one child - there are children on the other side of the world BEGGING for vaccinations!
Love this. I completely don't get ppl who proudly say they aren't vaxing their kids. It isn't just your kid's lives that you play around with but also others. It really is disgusting to me.