Random Thoughts

sloannmark · August 2012

So lately I've felt a different kind of sadness. Since losing our sons in May, I've replayed the bad stuff...the deliveries, etc. But lately I've been thinking about the good things, how much I enjoyed being pregnant, and specifically replaying the conversation over and over of our RE calling me to tell us that IVF had worked and that I was pregnant. I guess that's part of the healing process, and my husband thought it was a good thing when I mentioned it last night.

Tomorrow would have been the beginning of my 3rd trimester. That will be tough.

I still haven't spoken to my parents. At times I think I should cave and call them, and then I become even more angry that they haven't been there for me, so I don't.

jbranden12 · August 2012

I agree that it is part of the healing process. I reminisce with my DH about how happy we were during my pregnancy. So alive with love for each other and our family and so excited to be parents and see each other as parents. These are things I thank Patricia for. When I started feeling like this more, it helped me confident that we were ready to begin ttc again.

Petunia844 · August 2012

I agree, I think it's a part of the healing process. For a while memories like that just made me really sad, but slowly I'm getting to a point where I can be grateful for them. Grateful for every time Peyton made me smile, for every minute I had with him.

Bayberry12 · August 2012

Defiantly part of the healing process. I have started replaying some of the happy times too, although those memories do make me sad a lot of the time, there are also times when I just feel peaceful.

lmielocl1 · August 2012

I am glad to hear you have been able to think about the good things - hopefully these thoughts will help you get through tomorrow. I was actually supposed to have a 26 week u/s tomorrow and seeing the appt crossed off my calendar is not easy! I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I am sorry that your parents haven't been there for you. I am going through a similar situation. I have barely spoken to them since our loss and I have not spoken to my mom in 3 weeks. They too have not been there for me and I am still very angry at them as well. They have never once said Ethan's name and they are the only family members who never sent a note to us conveying their thoughts about our loss. I truly believe that my mom, more than my dad, does not believe we lost a baby because he was 18w. I too think I should cave & call but have not either due to my anger.

I am sorry I am rambling on your post Just wanted to know you are not alone & we are here for you!!

sloannmark · August 2012

lmielocl1:

I am glad to hear you have been able to think about the good things - hopefully these thoughts will help you get through tomorrow. I was actually supposed to have a 26 week u/s tomorrow and seeing the appt crossed off my calendar is not easy! I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I am sorry that your parents haven't been there for you. I am going through a similar situation. I have barely spoken to them since our loss and I have not spoken to my mom in 3 weeks. They too have not been there for me and I am still very angry at them as well. They have never once said Ethan's name and they are the only family members who never sent a note to us conveying their thoughts about our loss. I truly believe that my mom, more than my dad, does not believe we lost a baby because he was 18w. I too think I should cave & call but have not either due to my anger.

I am sorry I am rambling on your post Just wanted to know you are not alone & we are here for you!!

Same here. No note, no flowers, and never once has said their names. I too believe that my mom doesn't see this as a loss.

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