Anyone else a bit scared about having another child?

akimbo · November 2008

We know we didn't contribute genetically to DS condition (both of us were tested) and the chances of having another SNC are the same as they were when we had DS, but the fear is definately there.

We know we want a second child, and I'll be 37 soon, but the fear is there.

We know we can't live a full life if we live in fear, so in the near future we'll TTC, but the fear is there. We've talked about this at length and know we need to give this to God and let Him be the planner in our lives, but its tough.

Anyone else feel the same?

amajane · November 2008

Of course! But in our case, we did pass on a gene mutation to our DD so with each pregnancy we have a 25% chance of having another DC affected. Therefore, we will not be having anymore biological children. Most likely we will be adopting embryos.

But what this experience has taught me is that pregnancy is a crapshoot. It doesn't matter what you do- you could still have a poor outcome. I did EVERYTHING right (as I'm sure we all did) and I still has a baby with birth defects.

Right now I'm at the place of not doing any prenatal testing. No integrated screen, no CVS or amnio, no ultrasound. I did all those tests and it didn't make one bit of difference- it just made the second half of my pregnancy incredibly confusing and sad.

I think we are ALL right there with you.?

preemieparent · November 2008

Absolutely! My son was born 2 months early and weighed less than 2 pounds. Even though he came through it without a lot of issues, we were really scared about trying again. I didn't have any risk factors for having a preemie so we couldn't predict it happening again.

We had my daughter almost two years ago and honestly, if the BC pills hadn't malfunctioned, we probably wouldn't have had her. She was born 4 months early, weighed less than a pound and has a lot more issues. She is O2 dependent, feeding tube dependent, and has a lot of developmental/physical delays.

We only planned on having two kids before either one was born however if for some reason we decided to have another, we would only consider adoption because both of our kids were born premature and for different reasons that couldn't have been stopped or changed even though I did everything I was supposed to.

Every preemie or SN parent I have talked to have expressed the same type of fear. The unknown is scary!

Goo

smisch51 · November 2008

Yes, my son was born 2 1/2 months early and has kidney problems that aren't genetic. He will now be on Dialysis till he's three years old then he will need a kidney transplant. It's been really hard for my hubbyand I. My son is still in the NICU. We wanted to have two children, but now my hubby says one is enough, because he can't go through all this stress again. I'm sad but understand where he's coming from. So we wont be trying again.

funday · December 2008

I truly wonder what it would be like to have a "normal" child...I'm so scared of another baby having ds's feeding issues, but I wonder what it would be like to feed my child and have it be a wonderful relaxing thing.

I'm half scared/ half curious... we will be waiting a bit longer before we bring the subject of trying up again. DS still needs more of our focus right now.

Buckets of Moonbeams · December 2008

A little bit. Kate's heart defect was a random occurance, but you can bet I'll be requesting a level II u/s with the next baby so if (s)he has a heart defect we'll know about it beforehand and not be blindsighted by the diagnosis when the baby is a week old.

MrsKohan · December 2008

I'm pregnant now and honestly, i'm scared sh!tless. Our son has autism and I'm so afraid of having another SNC. My hubby and I always wanted 5 kids (I know, we're crazy) but after my son's diagnosis I wasn't sure I wanted anymore. I was afraid of not being able to devote enough time to my son with another one or having another child who was more severe. We are extremely lucky that our son is doing so well. He's finally starting to answer some questions and respond to things appropriately. It's a great thing and I'm really excitied about having this one now. I'm still scared though.

esweet · December 2008

Oh yes, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I LOVE being a mother to Maya, even with all of her health concerns. However, I don't think I could do this again. But, both my husband and I want more children in a couple of years and I'm terrified! We started talking about adopting, but we really want our own. We just are really nervous and scared.

angmc78 · December 2008

I am scared and at the same time so excited! (We are currently tying for #2).

I want to get the things I didn't with DS. A nonemergency delivery, to hold my baby right away, to breastfeed, etc. I want my son to have siblings because I feel they will be the best thing for him.

DS's condition is most likely not hereditary, so are chances are slim of another SN child. But even if we did, I'm prepared. I know all about being a SN mom.

It will be tough going to appointments, surgeries, etc with a toddler and an infant but I figure if I can do what I've done for the last year, I can do that.

Our plan before DS was to start trying soon after he was born, so we just delayed that a year. I figure if I am going to do 2 under 2, I'm doing it with one child that is pretty easy-going.