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2nd Trimester
Jbosarge85
member
Why do people feel the need to tell me I'm crazy?
Jbosarge85
member
So I'm planning on doing a water birth, completely pain meds free, with a mw, at a hospital. And people are constantly telling me that I'm crazy for wanting to do it med free. Is it really that big of a deal that I'm choosing no meds? I'm prepared for it to be painful. But I feel like for thousands of years (well more than that but ya know) women did it pain free so why can't I?
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Re: Why do people feel the need to tell me I'm crazy?
I went with the epidural, and am glad I did, but I would never tell someone going med free they were crazy unless their reasoning sounded crazy. I've asked moms on the bump about their reasons for going med free, and I've never heard a reason that didn't sound completely logical or legit.
You will always and forever have people side eye or criticize your parenting choices, unfortunately, and it does suck that it begins as soon as you're pregnant, rather than at least when the baby comes.
Ignore 'em. Do what makes you happy and comfortable.
People tend to think if they can't do something (or don't want to), that no one can. That is simply not the case. Women deliver babies everyday without meds, they are not required.
My best advice would be to read books like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and plan for what you want. But, be flexible enough to be willing to change gears if it becomes medically necessary or you just need to for whatever reason (laboring for hours can be exhausting and wear down your feelings on not having meds). If you end up needing or wanting meds, you are not a failure. And if you are able to do it without, more power to you.
I find it is generally best not to share this opinion widely as everyone has their own view, and quite often it won't be encouraging.
Good luck!
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
Its funny because yesterday i was watching keeping up with the kardasians and kourtney wants to give birth in a tub as well and her midwife said once ur in the water the pain goes away.. I dont know how tru that is because when i youtube it, those woman be screaming... best of luck.. I dont think your crazy.. I just think your brave :0)
I would stop telling anyone about your birth plans. It's not really their business and I'm not sure why you're telling that many people anyway (you say people are "constantly" telling you you're crazy so it makes me think you're talking about this a lot)...if you talk about something a lot it gives everyone a chance to offer their unsolicited opinion.
Some people have told me they tried to do med-free and then it was awful and they gave up. This is where some of these people are likely coming from -- experience. Plus they might see you talking about going med-free as bragging and they want to "give you a dose of reality" whether you asked or not.
Don't let someone else change your plans. Keep it to yourself and after the birth, if someone wants to hear the full story you can tell them.
Norah transformed our family January 6, 2013
Yeah I don't have any idea how she found out, because I typically don't have a reason to tell anyone. So I was shocked when she asked me about it. She just had her second child. And I have no issues with people using pain meds, everyone in my family did, I'm the only one not. Thanks for the book suggestion. I think I've checked out all the books at the library here on childbirth I may have to order it from another library in their system.
People are just saying its crazy because it's not the normal thing to do. For me, I want all the drugs they will give me but not everyone feels that way. I think its a personal decision. My suggestion though is to witness a water birth, if possible. If not, watch a video on it. Any way you chose to bring your child into the world, you just need to be educated on it. I would either ignore those people or just don't share that information. Good luck!
Yeah I guess I just need to get used to it. This is my first pregnancy so I haven't ever experienced someone questioning my choices but that makes sense. Better get used to it now cause I'm sure it'll just get more frequent and worse
This exactly. How the baby comes out of your vagina is no one's business but your own. I don't think you should feel that you have to hide wanting a water birth, but if you're going to openly discuss it, then I think you need to be prepared for people to give opinions about how they think your body is going to respond. If you don't want to hear it, don't share it.
There are always people that have opinions. As many times as you run into to someone telling you you're crazy, you'll run into people that say medical intervention is crazy. They're opinions and everyone has one.
On the plus side, I hope that it goes well for you. I had scheduled a water birth, at home, with two MWs but medical intervention was very necessary in my case. I heard those words a lot, and I got a lot of shiit. It really only fueled my fire to want it so badly, but please don't be discouraged if it doesn't work out exactly how you plan. If it does, then maybe you'll inspire others to look into "alternative" methods of giving birth. Or maybe you'll think that next time, you want the juice.
But that's the thing, I don't tell anyone, I don't think it is their business. The only way I can see anyone knowing is I once asked someone on fb who recently had a baby at home about her experience, I was wanting to do at home but changed my mind and am doing it at a hospital. So she asked me about it. I just don't want to be rude when people ask me. What am I supposed to say if they ask if I'm going to get an epidural? Say that's none of your business?
We interviewed with one of these ladies as well. We are in the South bay area and chose a different midwife. I don't think she means literally gone. Being in the water takes a lot of pressure off of your body. It can be more relaxing and peaceful being in there as well. When you relax the pain tends to be lessened. It doesn't just magically go away though.
I think there is a lot of negativity towards going natural, because it has become more acceptable to just get shot up. In the grand scheme of things it's how you want it and sometimes people just won't get that. I would personally stop sharing if I wasn't getting support. As were watching the Kardashians yesterday and the sisters were telling her she was crazy, H passed by and said "and they know because they are parents right". LOL. He is 100% behind however I chose to give birth and he could see how crazy their "you're crazy" comments were.
You are not crazy!!! I'm planning to undergo my labor and delivery without any meds and initially I wanted to do a water birth but hubby and I decided to deliver at the hospital, just in case medical intervention is needed. I couldn't agree with you more that women were able to delivery medicine free for thousands of years. I personally think every woman has the ability to deliver medicine free. You're body is not going to do something it wasn't made to do however there are rare cases. I think your decision to have an epidural free delivery is a great start for your baby! To be honest and frank all medications have a potential side effect. I would not want to risk a day of pain for a possible long term effect. All power to you and having a husband and mid wife who support is a huge plus.
So the only people you've talked about this approached you about it? And you were surprised they found out? Wow that's crazy and kinda stalkerish of them!
Anyway, if someone asks at this point, while it's still so early, I'd just say "Not sure, exploring my options." and cut it off. At that point they'll likely share their views anyway and you can smile and nod but they can't attack your choice.
Close to your due date, I can see people asking more regularly and if you want to share at that point, you can, but if you don't feel comfortable with whomever you're talking to I think you can say "We have a plan but I'd rather tell you everything after the birth if you're interested" and change the subject.
Norah transformed our family January 6, 2013
Thanks GL.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
No, sorry I guess my comment was a little confusing. The one person I was talking about specifically asked me directly about if I'm doing a home birth, but I had asked a different friend on FB months ago about her home birth and mentioned thinking about it. So I don't know if she went through past posts and found it or what.... But all the other people have asked me, most of them are either already mothers or just had a baby. So I guess they are just curious. And I don't mind them giving their experience but calling me crazy or nuts? I just think that's a little ridiculous. What is the purpose in putting down someone's decision like that?
I'm also planning on going med-free and I am not going to tell people unless they specifically ask me.
I found that being vague when questioned was the best way. I would say "I haven't decided yet." or "I'm terrified of the epidural needle, so I'm going to hold out as long as I can" It wasn't the truth, but it helped so I wasn't too rude or braggy sounding.
Best of luck- I had a med free hospital birth with Ds and plan a home water birth with this one. It can be done, but I suggest researching and reading all you can on the topic. Also, visit the Natural Birth board if you haven't already. Thete are a bunch of "crazies" over there that are super knowledgeable. GL!
Definitely not crazy. Brave. If you have set your mind to it, you will do it, and it's a big deal!
Eh I don't think you are crazy. I had a medicine free vaginal delivery. Not going to lie, but it's painful as hell. I'd do it again & plan to, but being mentally prepared is one thing, but emotionally & physically prepared is different. Don't be surprised if you have some panic during labor. I found having support staff is key to helping me through it. Your doula, midwife, mother, or husband. Someone to help you feel in control.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Its great to have an idea of the type of birth you want and to focus on how to accomplish that, but babies and our bodies kind of do there own there and you won't know how bad the pain is until you're actually there. So, I think mom's who've been through the pain and chose meds get a little defensive because they know how bad the pain is and can't imagine why anyone would chose to go med free.
If I were you, I'd keep the plans to yourself. It's nobody else's business anyway.
Violet Mae born 1/15/13
ITA.
For what it's worth I did a med free birth with DD, people told me the same things. I would tell people that I didn't want medication and they would laugh at me. I found as PP's stated to just never really say much. I would be really casual with my comments if they asked, say things like "just depends on how things go" things like that. It is very possible, and you can do it!
The one thing I learned once I became pregnant is some people are stupid judgemental sheep - if you dont do what they do/like/or consider normal you are automatically deemed crazy and given side-eyes. I told my mom that I wanted to have a water birth and my sister (who was not in the convo btw) yells out "OMG WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT????". My reaction was to continue speaking with my mother and ignore her ridulous outburst. To be honest thats all you really can do bc nothing you say or do will convince them that drugs arent the way to go.
How about "We'll see what happens!" or "Well, it's a little early to be deciding about that yet!" or even, "Wow, that's a really personal question!" if you want to put them in their place a little without being too rude.
Here's the thing - you can't win. If you say you want to have a vaginal birth, some people are like "but everything will stretch out and be ruined! A c/s is so much better!" If you say that you need(ed) a c/s, some people will say, "You know that's more dangerous than a vaginal birth and are way overused today. You should have fought more for a vaginal birth/ should push your provider to let you have one."
If you want to go natural, you'll hear "Are you crazy? Why would you do that if modern medicine allows you to birth without pain?" And if you say you're getting an epidural, they'll say, "Well, that's the easy way out. Me and my 20 friends all gave birth without pain meds."
So it's lose-lose. Best to just be evasive or blunt (not rude). When people have questioned my c/s, I've said: "Well, the doctor said an induction would likely take too long and she and/or I would have died, so I thought agreeing to c/s was probably the best way to go."
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
I agree with not sharing the information, even when specifically asked because like most things pregnancy and parenting related, everyone has an opinion.
I also agree that most women telling you you're crazy are probably speaking from their experience. Hearing from someone who has never had a baby the line about "women for thousands of years.........." is like hearing yadda, yadda, yadda. Sure, millions of women have given birth without pain meds, it doesn't mean they enjoyed it or that if given the choice they wouldn't have chosen meds. For many years amputations were performed with saws and giving you a stick to bite down on and those people managed but no-one would dream of doing that today. Also, when you say that you're prepared for it to be painful, I'm sure you are, however, you just have no idea what the pain will be like or how you will handle it until you're in that pain.
If you want a natural, water birth, by all means, go for it and discuss your plans with those you know will be supportive of your choices.
On a somewhat unrelated note and not in response to your post, I get frustrated by the responses saying things like your body won't do what it shouldn't and everyone can birth med free, etc. I see it posted elsewhere things like your body won't make a baby too big for you to deliver. Ummm, yes, it can and yes, sometimes it does. If we accepted the premise that your body won't do something it shouldn't there would never be a breech birth, a shoulder dystocia, premature birth, or fetal or maternal death related to pregnancy, labor and delivery.
Best of luck to you. I've done med-free (not in water though) and I've had an epidural. Not sure which I will do this time around.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
Agreed, don't think your crazy; just brave! Go for it!!
Also, remind yourself that EVERYONE is going to have an opinion. You choose who's you actually value. Best of luck
Make a pregnancy ticker
Unfortunately, with being pregnant and also having a baby, you will have to get used to people shoving opinions down your throat
All part of it. I don't think you are crazy, and have a friend who did water birth. She says she would not do it again, but is glad she did it once. I personally sort of went into labor with DD w/an open mind. However, I had severe back labor contrax which were so painful it was debilitating, therefore I couldn't even function or concentrate to push. I did not expect this at all. My OB said women w/back labor can very rarely ever go w/out some sort of painkiller. I personally have no desire to go without meds this time around, b/c i just don't see the point, but do understand some women's concerns. They just don't concern me 
Just do what you want, and keep your birth plans to yourself if you don't want to hear opinions! I still have to hear from my MIL ALL the time that she had all 3 sons without any meds whatsoever... she thinks she deserves a medal, haha. So you will hear it either way! My best advice, go into it with a plan, but an open mind.... you never know what will happen.