How are the kids?

elissaann26 · August 2012

How do you answer this?

I wrote a blog post about this today because I'm not quite sure what the people asking are expecting to hear. I can't figure out if they are just trying to be polite, like when people ask "How are you doing?" and dont' really want to know. Or do they really want to know about the boys and just don't know what else to ask? Or are they scared to ask about specifics because they know that I can't discuss the details of their case? Or am I just a new mom who is completely overthinking this?

If you were asked "How are the kids?" or "How is [insert your kid's name here] doing?", what would you say?

silliestbunny · August 2012

I am not being flippant.... but why does it matter??

Believe you me that it would matter to me, but really... we can't change people's curiosity. We can't change people's judgements of our decisions. All of that is what it is.

It's entirely possible the question is benign. I routinely ask my friends, "how are the kids?".... but then again, you and I know our world is not typical and most questions aren't routine.

If I were you, I'd settle in on a concise answer that let's everyone know your family is just fine, adn leave it at that!

Good luck... and thanks for sharing your blog. I love finding a new blog

irismorning · August 2012

I get asked this all of the time and I think that it is just a question. I also hear my friends being asked the same question about their biological children. I think that it is just what parents are asked about kids, kinda like the "how are you?" question that everyone asks but does not really expect a reply.

In our cases, there may be more to it, but reply as though there isn't. I always reply, "Great, How are you?" Deflection works well for most people.

Foster1Mom · August 2012

People are just nosy. I agree about deflecting back to them. If they are asking personal that you cannot disclose then I would be up front and honest with them about that. Or, focus on the parts you can share and be proud how well they are adjusting.

jillianmb · August 2012

I would just pick a random detail from the past couple days and share it. IE, "Good! We had a great dinner last night and everyone liked the food. Guess kids really do love Mac 'n Cheese!" Satisfies the question without getting into personal details.

Dr.Loretta · August 2012

I honestly think this is a totally benign question. I ask people how their kids are all the time. I'd answer with the truth. They're doing great. With maybe a cute story. Done.

SoSweet06 · August 2012

I had a more difficult time with this at first too, because it was hard to know how much to share. I mean, in those first few weeks K was doing wonderfully all things considered. But, when he was having a total meltdown complete with biting and shrieking minutes before/after I smile and say, "Oh, he's doing great!" it started to feel a little...fake?

As we grew more and more comfortable in the role of parents-to-post-institutionalized-older-child, I stopped over-analyzing every questions and feeling like a big fat liar every time I answered.

Now, If it's someone who sees us often, like a relative, I might be a little more honest/detailed. But most people are just making small talk, so I keep it short.

MayDayGirl · August 2012

Dr.Loretta:
I honestly think this is a totally benign question. I ask people how their kids are all the time. I'd answer with the truth. They're doing great. With maybe a cute story. Done.

Ditto.

Peoplr also specifically ask how our fd is doing...because they care.

Patches08 · August 2012

I ask my neighbor (who is a foster parent) how M is, just like I would anyone else I know who has children. No harm meant. I'm not prying for information, nor am I curious about his story. I know it's not my business. I'm just being friendly.. it's usually something like out walking the dog..