Disciplining twins - help!

Kelli&Jed · August 2012

What do you do? What has worked for you? DH and I are at our wits end. By the end of the day we feel like horrible parents for yelling and putting them in time out so much. This not how we want to raise our boys. I've reserved some books from the library about discipline and practicing patience in hopes of learning something that might work for us. They can be very good boys when they want to be but lately they are tornados of terror. It's like their bad behavior feeds off each other. Is this just a phase? Any help/advice/book recommendations would be encouraging.

erinruns · August 2012

1-2-3 Magic and Love & Logic are the two best books for that age. I'm trying to remember, but I think we didn't start counting to 3 until my girls were two, but you might find some ideas in both books.

Things only get worse as they get older, so anything you can do to get the yelling under control now is good. Find ways to say yes. Distract. Keep an eye out for behavior triggers and head things off proactively.

Good luck! I have two girls but have a lot of friends with two boys. Two boys is a whole different ball game!

yinyang124 · August 2012

Positive reinforcement. I do this with my stepson because he is totally unresponsive to yelling and time outs. Instead, I reward him for his good behavior with tickets. It's immediate reinforcement of the good behavior with the ticket, and long term reinforcement by having to continue the behavior to earn more and save for what he wants. Things like cleaning up, asking politely without having to be reminded, behaving in public, finishing his meals, not fighting in daycare, sharing, etc earn him a ticket. Behaving badly causes him to lose a ticket. He can redeem his tickets for different things that he wants and we don't normally allow unless he's behaving exceptionally. 10 tickets for 10 extra minutes of video games, 15 tickets for junk food snack. We put superheroes and "Good Job, Victor!" on the tickets as extra reinforcement because now he thinks they look cool. Don't know the age of your boys, but my stepson is 4.5 and it works very well with him. I imagine positive reinforcement is effective at any age though.

E&RMommy · August 2012

What does your pedi say??

Ours just asked at their 2 year appt if we were doing time out. I said I tried to introduce it, but there is no way we can get them to sit still for much time at all.

Some weekends DH and I feel like all we say is no. Others it's much better.

We're trying to give positive reinforcement for good behavior and redirect when they do bad. I'm trying to say no less.

Kelli&Jed · August 2012

erinruns:

1-2-3 Magic and Love & Logic are the two best books for that age. I'm trying to remember, but I think we didn't start counting to 3 until my girls were two, but you might find some ideas in both books.

Things only get worse as they get older, so anything you can do to get the yelling under control now is good. Find ways to say yes. Distract. Keep an eye out for behavior triggers and head things off proactively.

Good luck! I have two girls but have a lot of friends with two boys. Two boys is a whole different ball game!

I've read 1-2-3 Magic and plan to use when they are a bit older. I've already reserved Love & Logic Thanks for the advice...and funny thing is all my friends have girls that are always very calm so my boys and I look like complete maniacs compared to them!

violaplayer · August 2012

I also second Love and Logic (the one for the early years and the basic one) and 1-2-3 Magic.

ougrad1 · August 2012

yinyang124:
Positive reinforcement. I do this with my stepson because he is totally unresponsive to yelling and time outs. Instead, I reward him for his good behavior with tickets. It's immediate reinforcement of the good behavior with the ticket, and long term reinforcement by having to continue the behavior to earn more and save for what he wants. Things like cleaning up, asking politely without having to be reminded, behaving in public, finishing his meals, not fighting in daycare, sharing, etc earn him a ticket. Behaving badly causes him to lose a ticket. He can redeem his tickets for different things that he wants and we don't normally allow unless he's behaving exceptionally. 10 tickets for 10 extra minutes of video games, 15 tickets for junk food snack. We put superheroes and "Good Job, Victor!" on the tickets as extra reinforcement because now he thinks they look cool. Don't know the age of your boys, but my stepson is 4.5 and it works very well with him. I imagine positive reinforcement is effective at any age though.

This is all awesome for a singleton at an "older" age. This would also work for my older daughter. Landry and Hudson a whole different ball game. I used love and logic with Emerson and it worked wonders. You can't really start it until two. The babies turned two on Friday and I gave Hudson his first time out yesterday and again today. He knew exactly what was going on with the time out today.

Two are a whole different deal...it's so stinking hard.

macchiatto · August 2012

At that age, it was a lot of redirecting, logical consequences, trying to tell them what to do instead of what not to do (easier to understand and less likely to lead to battles, e.g. "Walk!" rather than "Don't run!" or "Gentle touches!" rather than "No hitting!") and that's about the age we started doing 1-min TO.

macchiatto · August 2012

Kelli&Jed:
I've read 1-2-3 Magic and plan to use when they are a bit older. I've already reserved Love & Logic Thanks for the advice...and funny thing is all my friends have girls that are always very calm so my boys and I look like complete maniacs compared to them!

I know the feeling! It's gotten somewhat better, but I would have play dates with friends who had singletons this age, or last summer we were with my brother and sister who each have a child (singleton) the same age as my boys but have one or more older kids as well and my family always seemed like chaos by comparison.

scorch · August 2012

My girls are 18 months old and when one has a time out the other goes to sit with her. It's pretty funny to see them sitting there out of solidarity for the other. I guess amniotic fluid is thicker than blood?

I have no advise because my discipline techniques are more in keeping with how I was raised , and that is not popular, but keep at it because children love discipline , more than they really know.

Tofumonkey · August 2012

scorch:
My girls are 18 months old and when one has a time out the other goes to sit with her. It's pretty funny to see them sitting there out of solidarity for the other. I guess amniotic fluid is thicker than blood?
I have no advise because my discipline techniques are more in keeping with how I was raised , and that is not popular, but keep at it because children love discipline , more than they really know.

LOL, ours do this too. Very cute, but frustrating. Especially when one is in time out for having done something against the other, and then they both sit there in silence.

We get them to apologize too, but they both apologize. Can't get them to stop.

No advice, sorry. I'm in the camp that I think that boys are harder than girls at this age.

lmydogally · August 2012

My nephew was a nightmare at 18 months. It's a tough age for boys.

yinyang124 · August 2012

ougrad1:
yinyang124:
Positive reinforcement. I do this with my stepson because he is totally unresponsive to yelling and time outs. Instead, I reward him for his good behavior with tickets. It's immediate reinforcement of the good behavior with the ticket, and long term reinforcement by having to continue the behavior to earn more and save for what he wants. Things like cleaning up, asking politely without having to be reminded, behaving in public, finishing his meals, not fighting in daycare, sharing, etc earn him a ticket. Behaving badly causes him to lose a ticket. He can redeem his tickets for different things that he wants and we don't normally allow unless he's behaving exceptionally. 10 tickets for 10 extra minutes of video games, 15 tickets for junk food snack. We put superheroes and "Good Job, Victor!" on the tickets as extra reinforcement because now he thinks they look cool. Don't know the age of your boys, but my stepson is 4.5 and it works very well with him. I imagine positive reinforcement is effective at any age though.
This is all awesome for a singleton at an "older" age. This would also work for my older daughter. Landry and Hudson a whole different ball game. I used love and logic with Emerson and it worked wonders. You can't really start it until two. The babies turned two on Friday and I gave Hudson his first time out yesterday and again today. He knew exactly what was going on with the time out today.
Two are a whole different deal...it's so stinking hard.

Now I see the ages in her signature! Woops.

Want a personalized experience?

Disciplining twins - help!

Re: Disciplining twins - help!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards