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June 2011 Moms
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A little in law annoyance..

nfrtnynfrtny member
in June 2011 Moms

So every time theres a family gathering with my in laws, they do lots of family pictures. MIL is one of 9 so they do all the sisters and sisters in laws, then the brothers and brothers in law, then all of them together. Then they do all of the cousins (there's 19), and they do the boys and the girls seperately.  

DH is the only cousin who is married. I am NEVER in these pictures. Is this weird? I feel like its weird and I feel slightly alienated. I mean I get I'm not a blood relative, but we never take a picture with my family without each of our spouses.  

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Re: A little in law annoyance..

  • magnoliablossom00magnoliablossom00 member

    Yes, that is definitely weird to me. I am the only one married in my family as well, and my parents/siblings would never dream to not include DH in pictures.

    However, DHs family doesn't like me and they try to do pics without me sometimes. I didn't mind when we weren't married (of course), but now that we are married, that s**t just won't fly with me. When we were in the hospital (after I birthed LO), MIL came running in the room, took LO out of my arms, and then said she wanted a "generational" shot with the baby, dh, and not me. Ha. I looked at her so crossly and said, "No. That is MY baby. I am her MOTHER and any family picture with her will include me." I was probably hormonal, but this wasn't the first time this has happened (including at my own wedding) so I don't care if I sounded rude. Now dh knows that it bothers me and is rude, so he speaks up for me.

    I think you should tell DH that it hurts your feelings and to speak up the next time it happens. When they start to do the cousins shot, just walk over and get in. If anyone says anything, have dh speak up and say, "She is as much a part of this family as I am" or something. 

    Sorry. That's a bummer situation that can definitely feel isolating.

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  • M&M227M&M227

    Yes I think it's weird, but at our wedding MIL insisted that they get a picture of DH, MIL and FIL without me....  I was pretty annoyed, it was my wedding day and I'm part of the family now, I should not be left out of any pictures. 

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  • nfrtnynfrtny member
    imagemagnoliablossom00:

    Yes, that is definitely weird to me. I am the only one married in my family as well, and my parents/siblings would never dream to not include DH in pictures.

    However, DHs family doesn't like me and they try to do pics without me sometimes. I didn't mind when we weren't married (of course), but now that we are married, that s**t just won't fly with me. When we were in the hospital (after I birthed LO), MIL came running in the room, took LO out of my arms, and then said she wanted a "generational" shot with the baby, dh, and not me. Ha. I looked at her so crossly and said, "No. That is MY baby. I am her MOTHER and any family picture with her will include me." I was probably hormonal, but this wasn't the first time this has happened (including at my own wedding) so I don't care if I sounded rude. Now dh knows that it bothers me and is rude, so he speaks up for me.

    I think you should tell DH that it hurts your feelings and to speak up the next time it happens. When they start to do the cousins shot, just walk over and get in. If anyone says anything, have dh speak up and say, "She is as much a part of this family as I am" or something. 

    Sorry. That's a bummer situation that can definitely feel isolating.

    How funny you mentioned the generation photo! Grandma, mom, H and Cole have one. I didn't really think much of that. There will be many photos of Cole, and H without me. I just think its rude not to include me when there's NINETEEN people in the photo. But, I went ahead and did a photo with my grandma, my dad, myself and Cole haha.  

    H won't say anything. He just won't. He doesn't speak up about anything. It causes a lot of problems in our relationship, and I'm hoping he will have more confidence in himself to speak up some day.  

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  • nfrtnynfrtny member

    imagesing4mysavior:
    butting in from july--yup, WEIRD! sorry :0(

    LOVE your sig! 

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  • nfrtnynfrtny member
    imageM&M227:

    Yes I think it's weird, but at our wedding MIL insisted that they get a picture of DH, MIL and FIL without me....  I was pretty annoyed, it was my wedding day and I'm part of the family now, I should not be left out of any pictures. 

    Im glad I'm not crazy for thinking this way :/ it's not really that big of a deal, just annoying!  

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  • mesrmesr
    definitely weird not to include you.  my family includes spouses, kids, even serious boy/girlfriends.  but we're all about inclusion... : )
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  • M&M227M&M227

    imagemesr:
    definitely weird not to include you.  my family includes spouses, kids, even serious boy/girlfriends.  but we're all about inclusion... : )

    I should add that we got together for DHs grandmother's 80th and they did a ton of photos.  They did do cousins with grandparents, and also cousins and significant other's and grandparents so there's both.   

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  • JuneBugsMommyJuneBugsMommy member
    It's definitely weird since you're married. If you were just dating it wouldn't be weird.
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  • JuneBug0611JuneBug0611 member
    I agree that it's weird you're not in any of the photos.  I'd be totally fine with the "generational" photo not including me (I certainly have photos of my mom, me, and DD that don't include DH!), and I'd be fine with DH having a photo alone with his parents on our wedding day if he/they wanted that (although I don't think he did -- his family too is all about the inclusion!), but I think it would be weird if there were 19 people there getting their photos taken in various arrays and you were left out of each of them.  That's not cool.


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  • halliekathleenhalliekathleen

    If my DHs grandma (who is 96) comes to my in laws house, my MIL always takes a pic of grandma, my FIL, my DH, and my three kids (without me) for a "four generations" photo and I never thought much of it.  But......I didn't understand pics at my wedding of myself and my family without DH because I don't understand wedding photos without the bride AND groom. 

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  • nfrtnynfrtny member

    Boooooo. Mean old in laws. Maybe I'll just start including myself, and make it horribly awkward for anyone to say anything. 


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  • Andie_83Andie_83 member
    imagemagnoliablossom00:

    I think you should tell DH that it hurts your feelings and to speak up the next time it happens. When they start to do the cousins shot, just walk over and get in. If anyone says anything, have dh speak up and say, "She is as much a part of this family as I am" or something. 

    Sorry. That's a bummer situation that can definitely feel isolating.

    This, especially the bolded. You are his wife, the mother of his child and therefore JUST as important as him!

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