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Postpartum Depression
I feel like a worthless piece of shi#!
My daughter was born via c-section on May 15 of this year. For the past 6 weeks I have felt completely worthless! I am sad all of the time and cry for no apparent reason, I get angry and snap at my husband (who tries to be supportive as best he can), and I have thoughts of hurting myself but have not acted on it as I have a strong desire to see my daughter grow up. I just feel like a worthless piece of shi# all the time and am so tired of feeling this way.
My OB gave me an Rx for Prozac but only put me on a small dose. Two weeks later after no change he put me on a higher dose. Two weeks after that when there was still no change he basically kicked me to the curb and told me I would have to follow up with my primary doctor from here on out because he did not feel comfortable giving me a higher dose. I followed up with my doctor and she now has me on 60mg. of Prozac a day, but I still feel just awful. I have also recently started seeing a counselor, which I thought was helping some....but still feeling like crap all the time! Sometimes I don't want to eat anything and other times I want to eat everything I can get my hands on!
I love my daughter but have not been able to actually enjoy spending time with her because I feel so awful! Sometimes I think she would be better off without me. Lastnight my husband got frustrated with me and said, "just get out of here...I'm sick of this!" Wearing my nightgown, I put on my flip-flops, grabbed my keys and my purse and went to the car. I heard him calling after me and stopped. He had the screaming baby in his arms and said that he had just lost his temper. I stood there for a few minutes thinking about driving away and possibly never looking back...but I went back in. I told him that if he ever said that again, there was a good chance that I would leave and maybe for good. I don't want my daughter to grow up without a mother but I don't know what kind of a mother I can be to her when I feel completely worthless!!!
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Re: I feel like a worthless piece of shi#!
You have severe PPD as I did with my first. The hormonal shift is not working in your favor. You need more help - better meds, a supportive Psychiatrist, and most importantly, a therapist.
Are you having trouble sleeping? Any intrusive thoughts other than the ones you mentioned here? Are you nursing?
A Psychiatrist needs to manage your meds. Prozac may not be the right option, and/or you may need some meds to combat anxiety, which it sounds like you're also experiencing. Have you ever experienced depression or anxiety before your baby was born?