Moms of 2+, gifts for LO on other LO's birthday?

Mrs.Greg · August 2012

So we had the babies' first birthday party yesterday. A few of my friends asked if I was going to get anything for DD1 to open at their party. I said no, it is not her birthday, I don't want her to expect gifts on her sisters' birthday. Well, DD1 got 5 gifts from people at the party yesterday. Now I feel like a bad mom. Do you buy gifts for your LO's when it's their sibling's birthday? When my friends have had their second babies, I take a baby gift for her and also a little something for the first LO but that's a little different. I feel like it's so new for the first LO, it's nice for them to get a little something when everyone is doting on the new baby. By the time the baby's first birthday rolls around, the first child should be pretty used to having a sibling. What do you ladies think?

MrsSR · August 2012

I agree with you... it isn't her bday, so she shouldn't get anything. I think it's different getting her a big sister gift when the baby comes. I have someone in my family who does that (gives a gift to the older child because the younger child is getting gifts) and it bothers me.

lite-bright · August 2012

I don't do actual gifts, but I always take the girls to get balloons on their birthdays -- and I let the non-birthday-girl pick out a balloon as well. Small treats like that, yes, I won't limit to just the birthday girl.

cactus5 · August 2012

I only get the birthday child gifts.

Angela814 · August 2012

No, they don't get gifts on the other's birthday. Why would they? Besides, toys end up getting shared eventually anyway.

Court0026 · August 2012

I always get the other kid a gift when it comes to my kids. So far they haven't even really cared, but while they are young, I don't see anything wrong with it. Nothing big, but just something to open and feel included. They are 2 and 3.5 so sometimes it is even just a gift that is the same for both kids and I didn't want to wait for Christmas, but know sharing would be atrocious. I would not be upset if someone else did that, but would never expect it either.

Soon2BMrsN · August 2012

No way! I will be pis$ed if people show up at DS2's birthday party with gifts for DS1. Why can't they understand from an early age that birthdays are special, individual days?

Smgrochowski · August 2012

I think it's good for children to learn that they don't always get presents when others do. They get to share in the excitement in other ways (special activities, cake, etc).

I agree that a new baby may be a different story. A gift for the older child can be viewed as a "congratulations" gift, not a "so you won't be jealous" gift.

monlyn9 · August 2012

My MIL does this and it drives me crazy but it's her thing and there is nothing that I can do about it. This is just not a battle important enough to fight. If it became a trend with a bunch of other guests though I might say something.

Court0026 · August 2012

I am kind of shocked that this is a hot button issue.

And while I don't care what other people do, I could see (to the OP), how when twins were turning 1, people might think that the older DD would feel very left out. Honestly, if I had a single and then twins, I would probably always worry that the oldest felt left out. Obviously it is a life lesson, but at 3, eh.

And nothing you do at 1, 2 or 3 (probably even 4 or 5) is something they are going to learn to expect year after year or need to be "weaned" from.

gimmietimmies · August 2012

Court0026:

I am kind of shocked that this is a hot button issue.

And while I don't care what other people do, I could see (to the OP), how when twins were turning 1, people might think that the older DD would feel very left out. Honestly, if I had a single and then twins, I would probably always worry that the oldest felt left out. Obviously it is a life lesson, but at 3, eh.

And nothing you do at 1, 2 or 3 (probably even 4 or 5) is something they are going to learn to expect year after year or need to be "weaned" from.

Yes, they do. At least in our case. Eveytime something came up, a birthday in our family, or our immediate relations, someone got L something (no one else, just him.). He came to expect gifts all the time. I put my foot down and spread the word that it had to stop, having an entitled 5 year old got to be embarrassing ("auntie, where's MY PRESENT).

Even now, I can see remnants of the behavior, and he's 15. I don't want him growing up to expect that people are going to always bring him things, and especially since he didn't appreciate it at the time. I wish I'd put my foot down sooner, and taught him to be more gracious and giving then, that it's more than fine when things are about someone else.

Court0026 · August 2012

Hmmm...interesting. Well, my DS will be 4 in October and he never asks for anything. He gets gifts occasionally from my parents and grandmother, but he never expects anything. I could see how it could get out of control. My 2 y/o is turning into the type to remember and want stuff.

groovygrl · August 2012

No, I actually think that is pretty strange & have never heard of anyone doing that.

katlizabeth · August 2012

No, we don't do this. My mom usually brings something small for all the grand kids at each birthday party, but it's something like candy or a slap bracelet.

lilles · August 2012

We do this. We have two girls ages two and four. I will usually get the non birthday girl something small like a toy bracelet or necklace or another small trinket or a shirt or something whether she is the youngest or oldest. This what has always been done in my family for kids at this small age. My parents do it and my inlaws do it as well.

ETA: We do make it clear though that it is very nice to receive something when it is not your birthday and that it is not to be expected.

betheppert · August 2012

At my son's first and second birthday my mom has brough my neice who is 3 years older than my son a present. It is a little annoying, but my SIL has always kept my niecer from spending much time with my parents so they tend to spoil her whenever they get a chance.

I'm with you- older siblings don't get presents on baby's birthday.

Angela814 · August 2012

groovygrl:
No, I actually think that is pretty strange & have never heard of anyone doing that.

I'd never heard of it either.

superned · August 2012

Not gifts to unwrap, but when we were little my parents usually got the non-birthday kids something like a coloring book and crayons or a deck of cards on the day of the birthday party. I think it was more for the distraction...I'm sure it's not easy to have a house full of people with four young kids. : )

I may do the same for my kids when they're very young, but I would never wrap it or call it a "present."

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