TTC after 35

Being kicked while you're down

Well, I was going to write a thanks, good bye and good luck post. (The first ultrasound of IVF#2 showed only 2 very small follicles. This after I had 9 follicles for IVF#1 8 months ago. Yes, I aged that much in less than a year.) So after being too distraught to work for the last day and a half about being told I will never have a baby, I come back to work and the first thing that happens is the support person who works with me telling me she is pregnant and needs special accommodations. Seriously. What did I ever do to deserve this? She's 39, her first child is in 2nd grade, her husband is long distance, and it was a surprise. Seriously? How is this fair?

Re: Being kicked while you're down

  • That is not fair. Are they sure this IVF #2 with the small follies wasn't some kind of fluke? And I don't care if that woman is pregnant or not-- I'll come over there and kick her in the shins, if that would help you deal with all this.

    I'm so sorry that you have reached this point. I wish I could do something to take away the pain and make it all better. I hope you get some space and time-- or whatever you need-- to wrap your head and your heart around this all, so that you can be at peace.

     

    *********************************************************************************************

    "You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was." 
            -- Abraham Lincoln
     

                               Me:39  MH:39 
    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a2798" style="font-size:smaller;" >
    <br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>

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  • I am so sorry.  I have given up trying to comprehend the fairness of the universe.  We have all these amazing women on this board (and in real life) who would be such great mothers. 
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  • I'm so sorry - and those seem like such small words to say to someone facing what you are facing.  None of it's fair - I can't imagine any of us doing something so horrible to be put in these situations and to ever deserve what has happened to us.  Please know that my T&P's are with you during this difficult time :(

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


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  • I'm not going to shoot sunshine up your butt, but it is the first u/s so you could still have more pop up, I had a wacky injectible cycle w/ only one big follie at my first u/s and 4 days later I had 5 pop up out of nowhere, so I know easier said than done but give it a few more days.

    My RE said it's really a crap shoot w/ these drugs, one month you can have a great response and the next month poop so it might not be a reflection of being a little bit older.

    nate and teddy
    Me 41 DH 46  Not actively ttc, surprise BFP on 1/6/11! 4/1/11 m/c our sunshine at 16wks after complications from CVS test. TTC #2 **5th cycle 12/6/11 BFP! Missed m/c at 9 weeks 1/21/12, trisomy 14. Two Chemical PG 3/12&7/12
    ** BFP 8/16/12 beta #1 148! beta#2 407 beta #3 4000 u/s 9.10 1 lovely hb 126, Baby Boy is due 04/28/13!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • Hugs. It is so unfair and miserable.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • I'm so sorry you are in this position.  Nothing about this is fair.

    Me:40 AMA, DH:36 0% morph, TTC#1;
    BFP#1 4/2011, MMC 6/2011 11wks Trisomy 13;
    BFP#2 11/2011, CP
    FSH: 17.9, AMH: 2.2
    IVF#1 w/ICSI: ER 4/3: 5R,4M,4F
    ET 4/6 All 4 (1-8A+, 2-8A-, 1-3A) BFP#3
    Two weeks of beta hell = Blighted Ovum
    IVF#2 Aug/Sept: ER 8/27: 4R,3M,3F
    ET 8/30 (1-8A+, 1-6A+)
    Beta#1 9/10: 350; Beta#2 9/12: 796; Beta#3 9/20: 9155
    Expecting Boy/Girl Twins! My babies were born 4/23/13 at 36w1d!

     
     

  • Oh no, annalisel.  I am so sorry to hear this.  It's not fair. 
    Me: 38, PCOS/ DH: 37

    DD born 12.21.09, conceived w/ injects and IUI



    TTC#2 since Nov 2011

    BFP 2.6.12 m/c 6w5d | BFP 5.25.12 c/p

    -Back to the RE-

    3 medicated IUIs, all BFN

    -Taking a break from treatment-

    BFP 11.20.12 ~ EDD 7.28.13

    image image

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    My Chart
  • imagedhreczuck:

    I'm not going to shoot sunshine up your butt, but it is the first u/s so you could still have more pop up, I had a wacky injectible cycle w/ only one big follie at my first u/s and 4 days later I had 5 pop up out of nowhere, so I know easier said than done but give it a few more days.

    My RE said it's really a crap shoot w/ these drugs, one month you can have a great response and the next month poop so it might not be a reflection of being a little bit older.

    I agree. I ended up with 8 follies but at first appt it looked like 3-4. Hang in there! 

    imageimage 


     

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    6/20/11 mc @ 5wks
    10/19/11 mc @ 17wks- Trisomy 18
    IUI #1 4/26/12 BFN
    Moving on to IVF in July
    37 with DOR...fabulous
    ER 7/14/12 6R 5F, ET 7/17 3 embies, beta #1 7/26: 147, beta #2 7/28: 326, beta#3 7/30: 422...ugh, beta#4 7/31: 607...hopeful, beta #5 8/2: 1280, beta #6 8/7: 7184 and u/s shows 1 possibly 2 sacs! 8/14 2 beautiful heartbeats! 9/24 we are TEAM BLUE!!!!!
    image

  • Very sorry.

    image
    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
    Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
    Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
    Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
    Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
    FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
    DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
    FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN

    Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)

    Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids

    Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN

    Likely OAD- NBC

  • Thanks guys. The universe is just so harsh sometimes. 

    We've cancelled the cycle. The RE said there were 2 follicles that were basically the size they would be for CD7 if I hadn't taken any stims. There was maybe one more, but it was even smaller. For less than 5 follicles it's like a 5% success rate and we just don't have the money for that ...

  • I am so sorry!
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  • I'm sorry - it's not fair at all, and sucks to have to experience.
    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
  • I'm so sorry, that really sucks.  Life is really unfair.  Just because it didn't work out this time, though, doesn't mean it never will.  Did your doctor actually say you will never have a baby?

    Sounds like that pregnancy announcement couldn't have been timed worse.  Do what you need to do to reduce the stress on yourself (i.e., avoid her.  Or make fun of her cankles behind her back).

     Melissa

    Me - 38 DH - 38 DD - 2 pregnancy
  • I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. My T&P'S are with you. 
    Lucky Mom to 5 girls: 09/97, 06/99, 10/02, 11/04, 04/08 & Peanut #6 due in April! Pregnancy Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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