Am I crazy for wanting to keep DD home from day care during maternity leave?

KelliLynee · August 2012

I know everyone says its great to keep your bigger kid(s) routine them same when you have a new baby at home, and I try to be a sensitive momma, but we may or may not be switching daycare providers during that time. I know it will be tough, but I am always wishing I could spend more time with my girl, and I kind of hate the idea of sending her to have someone else babysit her (and paying to have her there) while I am home (on an un-paid maternity leave, I'll add).

I want to do whats best for her, but I selfishly want the time with her. (I will have DH home for a few weeks so its not like I will be alone in the beginning). So my question is more about how beneficial it would be for the older kid to keep their routine, even though her routine of daycare may actually be a new in-home provider.

Thoughts?

anonsouthernbell · August 2012

Id follow your gut and keept her home.

kms34 · August 2012

I don't ever post over here but i wanted to chime in and say that it was crucial for us to have DS1 in daycare during maternity leave, at least for the first month. He was home with us the first week we were home and he was a mess. He was acting out and just generally unhappy and unsure how to process what was going on. It was stressful for all of us b/c we couldn't get out with him b/c of the baby and we were all sleep deprived and just trying to get by. After DH went back to work I kept DS1 home with me one day a week. The first few weeks of that were hard b/c I was still recovering both physically and emotionally. When DS2 was about a month old it all got better and easier. I was more confident about taking them both out for fun trips instead of just the necessary trips (groceries, target, etc)

All in all, I'm really happy we sent him to daycare during my entier maternity leave. He loved seeing his friends and keeping a good routine was really nice. He was only 2.5 so a bit younger than your DD, but it was really important. Also, it gave me much needed bonding time with DS2 .

ETA: I did pick DS1 up early every day so he wasn't left there the entire day

Meg&Jesse · August 2012

I am keeping DS home with me at least 2 days a week, if not 3. After the baby is born and next year (when the baby starts daycare) the boys will only go 3 days a week. DH is switching his schedule and working weekends.

I plan to play things by ear and keep DS home as little or as much as works for us. I also want to spend a lot of time with him when I am home and will be off for the rest of the year. I also realize that it might be tough and I need some bonding time with the new baby. I also think that DS is going to need the stimulation and learning opportunities he gets now at daycare. And keeping some of the routine is also good.

So, I think you should just see how things go and plan for what works for your family. Good Luck!

Kristinmo · August 2012

I still sent DS to daycare. I sent him for shorter days but with hours on end of nursing and sleep deprivation I just wouldn't have been able to give him the attention he needed and deserved.

skyejo · August 2012

I've went back and forth about this same thing. Part of me feel like this is my oppurtunity to spend 24/7 with DD but when I really thought about it I realized that I was thinking selfishly (I'm not sayng you are, but this is how it felt in my situation). DD has a blast at daycare and loves playing with her friends. Plus she learns so much. I didn't feel right taking that away from her at a time when her entire world at home was being turned upside down.

To accomodate my need to spend more time with her while still giving her the benefits of daycare I decided to keep her at home the first two weeks and send her to daycare 2 days a week (down from full time) for the remaining 14 weeks of my leave. This will keep her routine sort of established. I can't imagine pulling her from daycare for 4 months and trying to get her adjusted all over to it.

MrsGreen620 · August 2012

IMO, there is nothing selfish about wanting to keep your daughter at home if you feel up to caring for both of them! Especially if you are changing providers - you can save some $$$ by keeping her home and she'll get to spend more time with her mama.

Bride-hilda · August 2012

I think spending time with YOU is the best thing for your DD. nothing selfish about it.

blush64 · August 2012

I've never understood why someone would send the child away everyday if they are at home. People have to do what's right for them so I won't judge those people but I wouldn't do it. I think it's perfectly normal to want all your children with you while on materity leave.

I know some people are concerned about daycare spaces but I would want the kids together.

pinksweetpea2 · August 2012

I have to laugh a bit because a lot of the advice above about keeping her home full time came from people who only have one child.

As someone who JUST went through this I would suggest at least sending your DD a couple of days a week. Not just for her, but also for you and the new baby. The time I had to bond with Carly while Lily was at school was very special and I was glad that I was able to give her that time even though she was not my first.

Also, you have to consider that your DD is USED to going to daycare where she is constantly entertained. I am not saying that you won't be able to offer her the same, but I will say that it will be quite a challenge with a newborn. She is not going to be getting your full attention and that will take some time for her to get used to (we are still adjusting here at 5 months)...and that will probably be harder on her if you change up her routine.

It's not like you will be sitting at home doing nothing while she is at school. You will be bonding with your new baby. This is precious time that I personally think you will be glad to have had.

GL

Angela814 · August 2012

Kristinmo:
I still sent DS to daycare. I sent him for shorter days but with hours on end of nursing and sleep deprivation I just wouldn't have been able to give him the attention he needed and deserved.

Same here. I usually dropped off later and picked up earlier, but I still sent DD1 to daycare. I figured she was better off playing with friends than she was watching TV while I tried to rest.

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Am I crazy for wanting to keep DD home from day care during maternity leave?

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