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Pre-School and Daycare
Disappointed with next year's class placement
We got DS's placement for his class next year. DS is shy and didn't really make friends until the end of last year. He will be a very young 4 next year and all the moms of young 4's got together and decided to move the kids up next year instead of repeating the 3's. (They all miss the kindergarten cut off and will have to repeat a year of preschool somewhere down the line).
We all went separately to the director to request this one particular class, which is known to have the shyer, younger kids. When I went, they told me (and everyone else) that we can not request classes, but they will do their best to accommodate everyone and to place them with their friends as they see fit. I didn't go back to push the issue. I think some of the other parents had.
By the end of last year, DS had made 3 good friends. We got our class roster for next year and DS will not be in the class I requested. I wouldn't have minded that as much except NO ONE from his class last year will be in his class next year. Everyone else is distributed amongst the other 2 four year old classes. So not only will he be apart from those 3 friends, he will not know anyone in his class next year. If there were at least a couple of kids from his previous class, I would have been more okay with it.
We have switched directors since I spoke to her about my preferences and I think the other moms may have spoken to the interm director. But his teacher from last year also knew of my preferences and knew who his friends were. So i'm really suprised of where he was placed.
Would it be really annoying if I called tomorrow to see if they could possibly switch him to the other class where his 3 friends are? I don't want to be THAT annoying mom, but I feel really bad for DS after working so hard to make friends.
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Re: Disappointed with next year's class placement
Tread very carefully here.
I am also a mom of shy, sensitive kids who were born just before the cutoff and were among the youngest in the class. So I know how important this issue can feel to a mom.
Yes, your child's placement in this class could be completely random, especially if there's a new director. But it might not be random at all. A ton of thought might have gone into this placement. Here are some scenarios I can think of that would lead to the situation you're describing:
--they also needed to create a balance between genders and academic skills in each class, and needed your son to be separated from his friends to help with this important factor.
--although the moms might prefer it, the teachers realize that putting all the shy/quiet kids in the same class may not be what's best for the kids.
--your son might be the most versatile/confident of the quiet kids, so if someone needed to be separated from the quiet group, he was the best candidate.
--your son does well with a particular teaching style, so it makes more sense for him to be in Ms. X's class, even if it means not being with the friends he made last year.
--they felt that your son would be likely to stick like glue to a few familiar faces if he was kept with his buddies, so they intentionally pulled him into a new class to encourage his continued growth and confidence.
--they looked at the address book and tried to put kids together in a 4s class who would attend the same elementary schools for kindergarten.
Even if his placement is totally random and they refuse to change it, don't worry about it one bit. Rest assured that the "hard work" he did to make friends last year will enable him to quickly find pals in his new class. There will be new kids entering the school for the 4s class, because many people don't start their children in preschool until age 4. If they don't respond to a request to reconsider his placement, look at it as a chance for him to have friends in several different classes.
GL!
I couldn't agree more with the PP. Sometimes things that we think are going to be hard for them end up being amazing opportunities for growth. I know my DD's teachers will often try to pair up the more outgoing kids with the kids who are more shy for games or playground activities.
My DD isn't going to be in a class with anyone from last year either. I based my class choice on the teacher and on the number of days/week that I wanted her to go.
I agree with all of this. My ds is also going to be the youngest in his class in September and my instinct was to ask that he goes to the room with his good friend. Then I realized that he needs to learn to adapt since I can't place him in his school years classrooms based on friends or types of children. He has to learn to make new friends and have new experiences. It's good for their growth.
DD is also very shy and last year I too was disappointed with her class placement. She was not in the same class as her two best friends and I was really concerned about how she would do. Everything ended up working out great, I was worried for nothing. She ended up making a new best friend really quickly and they are still super close. I also absolutely loved the teachers when I didn't know much about them beforehand. When DS is 4, I'm really hoping that he ends up with those teachers.
I hope your situation ends up like mine and the class placement ends up working out well.
Thanks everyone. I know there could be very good reasons as to why DS ended up in that class. I guess part of it is that I had heard from several other parents with older siblings that they all had bad experiences with that class, particularly with the teacher.
I know for a fact that he is not the most confident/versatile of the bunch because his teacher initially didn't even want us to move him up to the 4's (she had encouraged everyone else to move their kids up). She wanted him to repeat the 3's so that he could be the oldest and build up his confidence. I moved him up thinking that he would be with the other young 4's.
No one in his class would be starting kindergarten with him because all the young 4's starting a year behind like DS are in the other class. DS misses the cutoff, so I couldn't start him in kindergarten the year after even if I wanted to.
I know him being asian could be a part of it (not in a bad way). Our preschool really tries to emphasize diversity as much as possible especially since our area is somehwere around 92% caucasian. There are very few asians in the school and they could just be trying to spread the wealth around
The parents are highly encourage to come in and share cultural traditions and holidays with the class, so that could be a good reason.
That being said, I do agree that this could be an opportunity for him to grow even more. He was one of the very youngest in his 3 yo class this year. He was still technically 2 when he started in Sept (he has an Oct birthday) and we have seen a great amount of growth this year from him learning stuff from his older classmates.
I would never scream or throw a big fit over this. I was just planning on calling to see if they would possibly consider moving him. If they said no, I would have left it alone. Anyway, I'm sure everything will work out for the best. I would love to hear more disappointment turned success stories!!!!
i'd still call to talk to the new director. what the pp's said is absolutely true, but as a parent of a VERY shy kid (not just normal-shy who warms up eventually... we've had to talk to her doc about her extreme shyness), i would call. you dont have to call and demand a class change, but you can just mention your concerns. if they have placed him in that particular class because of one of the (very reasonable and well-thought-out) reasons that the pp suggested, then great, they can share that with you. if on the other hand it was random, maybe they'd think switching him was no big deal, then that's fine too. no harm in calling just to chat. even if nothing changes, they will be aware of it when the new year begins, and keep an eye on him.
DS didn't say one word to anyone (not even to answer questions) until March of last year, which was when he started to come out of his shell a little and talk to one of those 3 boys. I'm hoping that won't happen again.
This - all of it. I would not say anything and give things a chance and see how your child does. You can't request every teacher for your childs school years and while it is hard at this age to think your child will struggle a bit, he will be fine. I personally would not want my shy child with a room full of shy kids or my very out going kids with a room of out going kids. There has to be a balance. The schools spend a lot of time working on getting the right mix of kids with the right teacher each year so while it would be great to have your child in class with a friend, it might not be the best fit for your child. I would give it at least a month and if your child is still really struggling, have a talk with the director to see how you can ease the transisition.
And I do know where you are coming from - I have a very out going DD starting kindergarten next month - she also has ADHD and a sever speech delay. She was in PreK with around 20-25 of the 100-110 kids that will be starting kindergarten with her (4 classes of around 27 kids in each more or less). I would love for her to have kids in her class that she already knows and that know and understand her but honestly, she very well may not be and her BFFs could easily be in other classes. Life will go on and she will adjust and make friends with the kids in her class.
Annalise used to be super shy. It took her a long time to warm up to other kids and adults. At 3 yo I was worried about how she would do going into 4K. She was in a small daycare center, so there were 5-6 kids from there going into 4K at the same time with a total of 7 - 4K classes. She ended up being in a class of 19 kids where she knew no one at the time. She was 4y3m when school started, and she did wonderfully. I had no idea. I think I underestimated her a lot. She then started 5K last year knowing no one in her class and made friends right away. She can still be on the shy side, especially with adults that she doesn't know, but I wouldn't call her shy anymore.
Instead of calling the school, I would work with him more. Let him know that there will be new kids in his class. Role play with him on how to make friends. Talk up how exciting it will be that there will be so many new friends to play with. I'd consider meeting with the teacher to see if she can help encourage him to make friends early on too. I think a lot of young kids tend to be shy, and teachers at this level are usually pretty sensitive to helping out.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Okay, I wanted to add my personal experience to my post yesterday, but I knew my post was getting long. Other than being Asian, your son sounds SO much like my DS -- wow! Here's how it worked out for my son:
He started 3s when he had just turned 3, and he was the youngest in the class. His birthday is 8/25 and the cutoff here is 8/31. It took him until February to begin even participating in class. Every morning, during free play, he sat on the same spot on the carpet and looked at books. He wouldn't even play with toys by himself. Outside, the only thing he would do was ride on the same rocking horse -- every single day!
By conferences that year, I was already thinking that he would not be ready for K at age 5, so the preschool teachers and I planned on him having a year with the young 4s and a third year with the kids who were turning 5 just after the cutoff.
In May, the director came to me and said, "Hey, we have an idea. We'd really like to put him in the Pre-K class next year." I said, "Well, he'd be the youngest kid again next year. Wouldn't he be better off with the kids in the young 4s class? And that way he'd know some of the kids already."
Basically, they thought he would do better with older kids because he had an easier time interacting with kids during structured, small group activities. The class with the young 4s was more geared to free-play, which is better for most younger preschoolers, but not the best for my kid. Also, he would have the same teaching assistant if he took the Pre-K class and all new teachers in the young 4s.
So, I agreed to it. Sure enough, it was a great placement for him. He learned to play with other kids, he made friends, and he even went on a playdate by HIMSELF!! But then the school year ended and all those kids went on to kindergarten while he stayed behind. He was the only one who stayed behind, so he when he was 5, he had to start all over again with entirely new kids.
He met his best friend in the second year of Pre-K, and they've been best friends ever since, even though they were in different classes for K and 1st grade. Additionally, he really came into his own socially in those two years of Pre-K. His first grade teacher described him as: "a very easygoing kid who makes friends easily and is regarded as a leader by his peers. Everyone in the class likes to play with T."
Music to my ears! I can tell you I never would have thought a teacher would ever describe that shy little boy rocking on the rocking horse on the preschool playground as someone who "makes friends easily and is regarded as a leader."
A lot can change for kids between the ages of 3 and 6. All the rough edges of their personalities get smoothed down. Kids are so much more "chill" by age 6. So, trust that regardless of his placement next year, your son will continue to learn and grow in confidence. Hang in there, mom!
By phrasing it in this manner you are not auto assuming a transfer, accepting that his success at school is a team effort and coming in collaboratively not combatively