Disappointed in not being able to see my new baby niece

actresscye · August 2012

My brother has been married a year and he had his 1st bundle of joy come into the world yesterday. We are very close and I am just disappointed about how things played out. My SIL has had a difficult time connecting with our family despite our efforts. As my brother says, she has had a troubled past (we don't know what) so she is somewhat socially awkward but very intelligent and on top of her game.

Anyways - I got a text yesterday that the baby was here. My mom and I (along with my family) were shocked because we've been waiting on the text that really said "she's going into labor" so that we could support him from the sidelines. Look - I totally respect if she didn't want a bunch of people at the hospital in her face while in labor but it would have been nice to know. Better yet - we found out later that she had been in labor in the hospital for 3 days! My brother didn't even tell us. He said they wanted to see how things were going to go and were concerned about the baby (SIL has hypertension). Like I said - I respect that they were worried and didn't want to be overwhelmed, but it would have been nice for him to call his mom and keep her in the loop at least. Baby and mom are completely healthy.

THEN when we all got the text yesterday, my mother in her fierce excitement immediately jumped up and was getting her clothes ready so that she could go congratulate him at the hospital and see the baby. Nearly out the door - he says no - I'm going to let my wife rest and get adjusted to breastfeeding. So none of us - especially Grandma #2, did not get to see Baby Z on her birthday or see the joy in her son's face with his new daughter. We all live 2 min from the hospital. Baby came yesterday morning.

Like I said - I know that some of this can sound like I am being disrespectful of my brother's wishes but it is just extremely disappointing. My mom is taking it extremely hard right now and I am sad for her. Because once she is discharged from the hospital, it is going to be difficult to get to see the baby because at THAT point, I don't want to "invite" myself to their house or interrupt their private time arriving home with the baby.

MomiJerz · August 2012

I'm sorry this whole post screams I, I, i, me me me !! I get you want up see your niece but hey that's not how they want it. Plus see like everyone knows how his wife is do not sure why it's a shock.

actresscye · August 2012

lol Ok - I got it.

actresscye · August 2012

As I said - I am *disappointed* - not angry or mad at him or her. I am very happy for them and yes - selfishly I wanted to see my best friend (my brother)'s baby. I can definitely wait and it won't be the end of the world. It is out of the norm for our family (given my other nieces and nephews) so of course I think I have a right to be a little disappointed. I'll get over it ---- really. I was just venting like the other 100 girls I see do on here but OK - the feedback is that I am being selfish and that my brother handled it well. Point well taken. Thanks.

redneckmomma25 · August 2012

I would be disappointed too.

Unem · August 2012

Yeah, I'm sorry OP but I agree with the PPs. I understand what it's like to want to see your niece asap, but you do need ot respect their wish for privacy at this time.

I'm only telling one person when I go into labor, and that's so they can buy a plane ticket. The rest will find out only once baby is here.

And if I was in labor for three days, the last thing I would want is company! Give them time to rest and get to know their baby, you will see your niece soon enough.

LauraJB313 · August 2012

It's unfortunate that they didn't let you know what their plans were before the birth, but none of what they have done is actually unreasonable, especially given how your SIL responds to the family in general. In that situation, I would probably send my brother a text saying that I was completely thrilled for him and SIL and would love to meet the baby whenever they were up for it. Try asking if you can bring them dinner shortly after they get home from the hospital. (If you do bring dinner, remember that they are hungry and not up for a real visit, but you might get a peep at the baby on your way in and out.)

MrsAB1316 · August 2012

Agreed with all PP points. Also, if you offer to come by to help out, do just that. Help out. Do some dishes, throw in a load of laundry, clean up a bit...don't just go to hold the baby. If I spent 3 days in a hospital bed in labor, I'd be exhausted and not up for anything but sleeping and getting to know my new family.

PenelopePond · August 2012

I understand being disappointed, but I also understand that they want their time together. Unless they specifically told you beforehand that they were going to let you be there during labor and after delivery, they really did nothing wrong. Even still, after three days of labor they have a right to change their minds.

Maybe you could make them a couple dinners and offer to drop them off once they're home. Not to stay long. Just to drop them off and say hello.

zombiemommie · August 2012

seeing as how close my brothers and i are, i would be frustrated and upset as well. all of my brothers will be coming to see me in the hospital no matter what and i wouldnt even think of not inviting them. in fact, they cant contain their excitement and it makes me all warm inside to see my four brothers so anxious to be involved in my life.

so i can completely understand where you are coming from. but it sounds like perhaps SIL is calling the shots on this one

TAGSL710 · August 2012

intheflowers:
Your brother sounds like he handled it really well, actually. And I can see why your SIL might not feel comfortable... reading between the lines it sounds like you are pinning this on her, when it was likely a joint decision between the two of them. Sorry you are disappointed but everyone will see the baby soon, no need for dramatics (the not getting to see "they joy on his face"? A little much).

This 100%.

Flamingemu · August 2012

I am sorry you are disappointed in not getting to see the baby, but as someone who is about to go through this yourself, can't you understand their wishes?

Like PPs said, prep some dinners and offer to bring them over. Let the new mom and dad know you care and would be happy to help and meet the new baby. But on their time, not yours.

3monkeysmama · August 2012

JUst let your brother know that you would love to stop by when they are ready and take them dinner. Make sure it's when they are ready. We have had countless posts on TB about people coming to the hospital, and I think your brother handled it really well. You and your mom need to respect their time adjusting to their little one.

hunter91011 · August 2012

actresscye:
As I said - I am *disappointed* - not angry or mad at him or her. I am very happy for them and yes - selfishly I wanted to see my best friend (my brother)'s baby. I can definitely wait and it won't be the end of the world. It is out of the norm for our family (given my other nieces and nephews) so of course I think I have a right to be a little disappointed. I'll get over it ---- really. I was just venting like the other 100 girls I see do on here but OK - the feedback is that I am being selfish and that my brother handled it well. Point well taken. Thanks.

I agree with you, and would be really disappointed. Especially if there is an "expectation" in your family as to how delivery/meeting baby goes. They should have let people know before hand that they weren't going to want visitors, so that no one would be disappointed when she was born. My BIL and SIL did the same thing when their daughter was born, with no warning to the family on what to expect, and it made everyone sad to not get to meet the LO right away, so I get where you are coming from. Moral of the story, IMHO, let people know your plan before labor and delivery so they know what to expect.

Nita2603 · August 2012

Your brother deserves the husband of the year award.

I know you would like to see your niece, but honestly, those first few days are a blurr and they need time to themselves to grow into a family. If they don't want visitors, that is ok. I am sure they will have all of you over in time.

erikaluna01 · August 2012

actresscye:
As I said - I am *disappointed* - not angry or mad at him or her. I am very happy for them and yes - selfishly I wanted to see my best friend (my brother)'s baby. I can definitely wait and it won't be the end of the world. It is out of the norm for our family (given my other nieces and nephews) so of course I think I have a right to be a little disappointed. I'll get over it ---- really. I was just venting like the other 100 girls I see do on here but OK - the feedback is that I am being selfish and that my brother handled it well. Point well taken. Thanks.

I COMPLETELY understand you. Three days in the hospital and you still can't come visit, WTH! My family is very large and while we don't always get along, something like this would not fly. Since family is such a strong value in my culture, boundaries get tricky. They would probably show up even if they weren't invited (hospital or home). Now, things may not be that way in your family but I think it's worth the effort to schedule an appearance asap.

Your brother and SIL are taking it a bit too far IMO.

MomiJerz · August 2012

hunter91011:
actresscye:
As I said - I am *disappointed* - not angry or mad at him or her. I am very happy for them and yes - selfishly I wanted to see my best friend (my brother)'s baby. I can definitely wait and it won't be the end of the world. It is out of the norm for our family (given my other nieces and nephews) so of course I think I have a right to be a little disappointed. I'll get over it ---- really. I was just venting like the other 100 girls I see do on here but OK - the feedback is that I am being selfish and that my brother handled it well. Point well taken. Thanks.
I agree with you, and would be really disappointed. Especially if there is an "expectation" in your family as to how delivery/meeting baby goes. They should have let people know before hand that they weren't going to want visitors, so that no one would be disappointed when she was born. My BIL and SIL did the same thing when their daughter was born, with no warning to the family on what to expect, and it made everyone sad to not get to meet the LO right away, so I get where you are coming from. Moral of the story, IMHO, let people know your plan before labor and delivery so they know what to expect.

Im sorry but regardless the new parents don't have to let anyone know anything , that's just ridiculous .

JoJo1111 · August 2012

I am one of those people who don't want anyone to know I am in the hospital until the baby is out and I am in postpartum. I hope my sister in law does not hate me because I put mine and my husband's bonding with our baby above that of everyone else. I have gone about it differently and told everyone not to expect a phone call until I have showered and breastfed so they are prepared! Remember it is nothing personal against you or your family, some people just want the adjustment from being a couple to being parents to be a private time between them, not a spectator sport.

gblake · August 2012

I think you have every right to feel disappointed. I feel soooooo bad for your SIL, she sounds like she has issues with anxiety, plus the fact that she was in labor for 3 days. That sounds like torture. From her perspective, she's probably exhausted and doesn't want to put on a happy face or entertain plus she sounds anxious about conquering breastfeeding. FYI, your brother is a champ, everyone should have a partner that stands up for them like he did for his wife. I know you want to see them all but some people don't feel like entertaining people and showing off their baby (especially after 3 days of labor).

As previous posters said, when they come home please offer to do something and take a meal.

VineyardMel · August 2012

OP, I understand where you're coming from. It's been enlightening to me to learn how many people on TB don't really want to share the experience (the first few days) with their families. I respect that position, but it's totally foreign to me as I can't imagine not having our families meet our daughter on her birthday. Of course it's your brother and SIL's decision how they want to handle it, but I would have been crushed if my brother and SIL had decided not to keep us informed that they were in labor or invited us to come meet their kids right away.

Want a personalized experience?

Disappointed in not being able to see my new baby niece

Re: Disappointed in not being able to see my new baby niece

Choose Another Board

Search Boards