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Licensed and...

lady_chance_99lady_chance_99
in Adoption

So I got a call yesterday about a potential ADOPTIVE placement. Quite a shock considering we were not even aware we had been licensed officially yet. The adoptive placement was for two boys ages 3 and 1. Already TPR'd.

We went and met the kids today and they were absolutely amazing. No abuse, no health issues, no behavior issues, etc. They were bright and funny, and pretty well adjusted too!! Unfortunately my husband made the decision that he doesn't feel comfortable raising a biracial child (and I have been flaming him ever since- honestly I couldn't believe he made that decision). The kid is 1/4 another race and my husband feels like he will "resent being raised by a family that doesn't share his background..." So, I had to call the kids worker, our worker, and the foster mom and let all of them know that we would not be adopting.

 I am crushed. I was all in, ready to become their mom. Our worker told us that it was so weird that we got licensed the day these kids came up for care, and that he has couples who have been waiting for months and haven't had a chance and we got a shot right away. Basically what I gather is that I will be twiddling my thumbs for a long while after this... ugh. So close, and yet so far away.

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Re: Licensed and...

  • IRRIRR member
    So disappointing I am sure, but you need to make sure you and DH are on the same page.  It will all work out in the end. Congrats on being licensed.
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • lady_chance_99lady_chance_99
    Thanks! DH and I rarely see eye to eye because he has been raised in a totally sheltered situation and because of that refuses to do anything he thinks might raise an eyebrow- even of strangers. I, on the other hand think that anyone who has enough nerve to say something about it- can stand there while I give them a piece of my mind. It's not fair to deny a child a home because of something that he has no control over. Oddly enough I didn't imagine I would feel this strongly about this... I guess until you look into the face of the child who is being denied the home, you really never know exactly how you will feel about situations like this.
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  • Foster1MomFoster1Mom

    Congrats on being licensed. Sorry you and DH are not on the same page. Hopefully the right placement will come along.

     

     

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  • jillianmbjillianmb member

    Gosh I'm sorry that didn't work out.  I would be really disappointed if I were you too.  I hope you find some peace knowing that another family just got the call they have been waiting their whole lives for; someone will scoop those boys up in a heartbeat!

    I'm sure you are already doing this, but I hope you cease this opportunity with your DH to have some real honest conversation to do some self-examination.  There are many areas in life (workplace, houses of worship, social groups) where race will "raise an eyebrow."  I am not saying your husband is a bad person, but this would be a good chance for him to examine his inner thoughts about race.  IE) if he were in the position to hire someone of another race, but it would raise eyebrows, would he do it? Hope you two can have a productive conversation about this issue and move forward with positivity as you wait for your family.  

    TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
    SA February 2011: Normal
    RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

    Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

    Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
    Court trip October 2012
    Home November 24 2012!

    Back to RE Summer 2013. TTC journey continues: 

    Dx DOR, endometriosis, low sperm count 
    Clomid + IUI#1, #2 = BFN / IUI #3 = ???

    Laparoscopy scheduled December 2013

    Adding a Burden
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