Reasons why you picked international over domestic?

MauidAims · August 2012

I am just now considering international adoption. I have no idea why I never thought about it. I think it's because I thought it would cost more money. So I recently stumbled upon Colombia. I'm intrigued and want to know others reasons for choosing international over domestic? ** also as a side question, are you worried if you don't get a lot of information on the birth parents that perhaps its harder to track down and your child will struggle with knowing where they come from more? I only ask because a lot of what I've been reading says that open adoption is best because you get information on the child, etc and that children want to know specifics (like time of birth) when they get older. How do you plan on dealing with that?

silliestbunny · August 2012

We didn't ultimately choose IA over DA... instead we choose DA but I'll answer your questions the way we felt.

I really think that comparing IA to DA is confusing and difficult. What is the norm for DA is not for IA, specifically about information that is available. That doesn't have to be a scary thing... it just changed your child's history and story. IA has a rich story of it's own that can bolster a sense of your child's roots. While you may not be able to say your birth mom is X and loves X, you can talk culture and country differences and instill pride in his history. I have the privilege of knowing a large family that has several IA children (from Bulgaria, Kazakhstan, and Ethiopia). As these children have aged, I've seen them grow proud in their cultural history and not struggle with lack of information. In IA, that's the norm. (I made this point yesterday.... what is the norm for IA vs DA is important to acknowledge. Kids look for norms in their situations and ways to relate to kids from similar situations.)

After the bumpy road of DA, we seriously considered a third adoption via IA. What drew me to it was the the process is sort of more logical. You get in line and do your work and wait. Yes, tons of things can happen and be thrown at you while you are waiting but the process is different than having birth moms choose you. By no means do I think IA is easier... it's just a different process.

I do believe that there is corruption in all sorts of adoption. That said, IMO the responsibility is steeper for IA in that you have information that is less accessible. Because of this, I feel IA couples need to fully understand their country and what risks exists and keep a watchful eye for concerning situations.

MauidAims · August 2012

Good points, thank you! btw- did you get my PM? I cant seem to find you on FB

noonecarewhoiam · August 2012

DH is Korean-American, so adopting from Korea seemed like the obvious thing to do.

I do wish that we had some contact with my sons' BM, and I send photos to Korea should she go back to one of the agencies to look. I do know that she wanted very much to parent DS#2 (we had a sibling call--my sons are half brothers).

We do have contact with DS#2's foster family, and plan to visit them when we go back.

So many IA programs are in such a state of turmoil right now--including Korea's--that I am not sure I would undertake one. I personally believe that Korea will be all but closed by the time the Winter Olympics are held there in a few years, with the exception of special needs adoption.

Personally, I feel as though you have to have an attachment to the coutry from which you adopt--heritage, friends, or a particular interest. It becomes part of the heritage of your entire family. To me, it would be almost disrespectful, as though the child's birthplace were simply a location where s/he was manufactured, rather than a culture from which they were taken. Does that make sense?

miss1180 · August 2012

we're adopting our son from Korea. He's 20 months old, and should be home in the next few weeks! AHH!! :-)

anyway... for us, like silliest just said- we just felt it was more "logical". its more like your fill out your application and get in line.

Also- more for my husband... he just was scared of DA, and having a birthmom change her mind after the baby was born. He just felt it would be too heartbreaking to be expecting this baby and then "nope- nevermind". with IA, its a little more "guaranteed". ( i know every case is different, but this is just how he felt).

we also just liked the idea of having a multicultural family. DHs best friend snice middle school is Asian, and we've always loved hearing him talk about his culture, etc. we're into trying to cook different foods from different cultures, or learning some words in a new language.so for us, rather than thinking "the kid won't be our same race", we kind of embraced it as a chance to learn something new :-)

As far as background information... it depends on the country you pick and the kids individual situation. In our case, our son was placed by his birthparents before he was born (similar to a DA here). So the agency got a bunch of background information about them and their families. that will be great to have for him when he gets older. In Korea, the kids go once a month for a checkup and we get all of those, too- so we have info about when he started talking, when he got his first teeht, when he had his vaccines, etc. Not all country programs are like this. And in some cases the kids are just left at a hospital or agency doorstep without any info. so it really depends.

anyway- let me know if you have any questions!! we've been happy with our decision so far, and CAN'T WAIT to have him home :-)

Foster1Mom · August 2012

miss1180:
we're adopting our son from Korea. He's 20 months old, and should be home in the next few weeks! AHH!! :-)

   anyway... for us, like silliest just said- we just felt it was more "logical". its more like your fill out your application and get in line.

    Also- more for my husband... he just was scared of DA, and having a birthmom change her mind after the baby was born. He just felt it would be too heartbreaking to be expecting this baby and then "nope- nevermind". with IA, its a little more "guaranteed". ( i know every case is different, but this is just how he felt).

    we also just liked the idea of having a multicultural family. DHs best friend snice middle school is Asian, and we've always loved hearing him talk about his culture, etc. we're into trying to cook different foods from different cultures, or learning some words in a new language.so for us, rather than thinking "the kid won't be our same race", we kind of embraced it as a chance to learn something new :-)

    As far as background information... it depends on the country you pick and the kids individual situation. In our case, our son was placed by his birthparents before he was born (similar to a DA here). So the agency got a bunch of background information about them and their families. that will be great to have for him when he gets older. In Korea, the kids go once a month for a checkup and we get all of those, too- so we have info about when he started talking, when he got his first teeht, when he had his vaccines, etc.   Not all country programs are like this. And in some cases the kids are just left at a hospital or agency doorstep without any info. so it really depends.

   anyway- let me know if you have any questions!! we've been happy with our decision so far, and CAN'T WAIT to have him home :-)

Good Luck in bringing your little one home. A few weeks seems so close. How are you holding up ?

miss1180 · August 2012

Foster1Mom:
miss1180:

Good Luck in bringing your little one home. A few weeks seems so close. How are you holding up ?

Thanks!! HAHA good question :-) I'm hanging in there. its been a LONG road! we started the process in February 2011! we got matched with hims LAST August- so we've been watching him grow up in pictures for just about a year :-( :-( it doesnt usually take this long. But the Korean government is starting to limit the number of kids that go for international adoption each year (Even though not many of them get adopted in Korea due to cultural views.....) So its caused a big backlog in the kids being able to come home :-(

And its hard knowing that we're bringing home an almost 2 year old rather than a baby.... but i've been trying to just keep busy and not dwell on it and think about all the fun experiences we WILL get to have with him, instead of what we've missed.

BUT- we're now in the final stages... hes had his Exit papers approved, and jsut waiting for his "interview" at the US Embassy in Seoul. Its looking like it will be sometime in August that we'll be able to go!! Luckily, I work at a schoo so i've been off for the summer and I've been able to get his room set up, clean out closets, the garage, deep clean the house, start packing his bag for the trip, etc, etc, etc. I think this is the hardest part because we know we're sooo close!!

miss1180 · August 2012

Foster1Mom:
miss1180:

Good Luck in bringing your little one home. A few weeks seems so close. How are you holding up ?

Thanks!! HAHA good question :-) I'm hanging in there. its been a LONG road! we started the process in February 2011! we got matched with hims LAST August- so we've been watching him grow up in pictures for just about a year :-( :-( it doesnt usually take this long. But the Korean government is starting to limit the number of kids that go for international adoption each year (Even though not many of them get adopted in Korea due to cultural views.....) So its caused a big backlog in the kids being able to come home :-(

And its hard knowing that we're bringing home an almost 2 year old rather than a baby.... but i've been trying to just keep busy and not dwell on it and think about all the fun experiences we WILL get to have with him, instead of what we've missed.

BUT- we're now in the final stages... hes had his Exit papers approved, and jsut waiting for his "interview" at the US Embassy in Seoul. Its looking like it will be sometime in August that we'll be able to go!! Luckily, I work at a schoo so i've been off for the summer and I've been able to get his room set up, clean out closets, the garage, deep clean the house, start packing his bag for the trip, etc, etc, etc. I think this is the hardest part because we know we're sooo close!!

srmmm09 · August 2012

Well, our desire is to adopt a child who would have difficulty being adopted otherwise, so our options were foster care and IA. But we feel strongly about preserving birth order, and since our DS is so young, it's unlikely that we would accomplish that through foster care at this time and in our area.

We're adopting from Uganda for several reasons. DH and I are under 30, so that rules out a large number of countries. Uganda is also comparatively inexpensive. We also have friends who've adopted from Uganda, and our siblings will be able to adopt from there when they're ready (YAY!), so our kids will have family who share their birth culture.

Something you really have to pay attention to when considering adopting from a country like Uganda is the practices of the baby's homes. Do they really seek to reunite abandoned kids with their birth families? Do they give domestic couples the option of adopting kids as well? The two Ugandan judges really do care about the welfare of their kids, but I think it's important to make sure for yourself that every effort was made to reunite the kids with their birth families.

Yes, I do get sad that we may know nothing at all about our child's birth family. It may very well be impossible for our child to find his birth family. But who knows what we may be able to accomplish in 10, 15, or 20 years? Cheek swabs with dna testing can get you really close already.

And creating a life book and documenting as much as you can at the time can really help. That way your child knows that you've told them absolutely everything you know (or knew). It's just too easy to forget little things.

shortstuff15 · August 2012

srmmm09:

Well, our desire is to adopt a child who would have difficulty being adopted otherwise, so our options were foster care and IA. But we feel strongly about preserving birth order, and since our DS is so young, it's unlikely that we would accomplish that through foster care at this time and in our area.

We're adopting from Uganda for several reasons. DH and I are under 30, so that rules out a large number of countries. Uganda is also comparatively inexpensive. We also have friends who've adopted from Uganda, and our siblings will be able to adopt from there when they're ready (YAY!), so our kids will have family who share their birth culture.

Something you really have to pay attention to when considering adopting from a country like Uganda is the practices of the baby's homes. Do they really seek to reunite abandoned kids with their birth families? Do they give domestic couples the option of adopting kids as well? The two Ugandan judges really do care about the welfare of their kids, but I think it's important to make sure for yourself that every effort was made to reunite the kids with their birth families.

Yes, I do get sad that we may know nothing at all about our child's birth family. It may very well be impossible for our child to find his birth family. But who knows what we may be able to accomplish in 10, 15, or 20 years? Cheek swabs with dna testing can get you really close already.

And creating a life book and documenting as much as you can at the time can really help. That way your child knows that you've told them absolutely everything you know (or knew). It's just too easy to forget little things.

These are some of our reasons as well. We have no problems having biological children and in our province that severly limits, and basically eliminates all, the children we can adopt so it would be either foster or IA and because we too feel like it is important to preserve birth order, we chose IA.

To you srmmm09, I would love to adopt from Uganda for many reasons, but we have eliminated it due to the in country stay required. Are you somehow getting around the 3 year in country stay or have things changed? Someone mentioned that it has been waived in the past for some people, but are you doing something special to get that waived?

srmmm09 · August 2012

You can do a legal guardianship without the residency requirements.

Jenn is Silly · August 2012

Our daughter came to us through Newborn Domestic Adoption. She is such an amazing and spirited little girl, and I am so blessed to be her mother. The Lord brought her to us, and from the moment I met her BM I knew she was our daughter.

That's how I have felt about the country of Colombia since stumbling upon their adoption program in researching IA. In my heart I feel that the Lord is leading us to Colombia, that our baby/child is there. I feel more compelled then ever to find our child there.

That being said, I started researching IA because I didn't feel confident that I could do DA again, in thinking about signing up with an agency or attorney, it never felt right and often left me feeling uneasy.

So.. it's not the most logical of answers, but, it's my answer.

shortstuff15 · August 2012

srmmm09:
You can do a legal guardianship without the residency requirements.

But then you are limited in that you are never actually adopting them right? Or do you adopt them after you get back to the states?

warofthetudorroses · August 2012

We travel all the time so IA seemed like a great idea. We chose Spain and Ethiopia. We decided domestic for the third one, and we are trying domestic again.

Mrs.Slick · August 2012

#1 reason: we can't do domestic due to dh's job confidentiality. I mean we COULD but we didn't want to take that risk in his current position.

2. We have family members who have experience with both DA and IA and we felt more comfortable with the experiences of the IA side.

3. It's something that we wanted to do later in life (when we thought we'd possibly have bio kids, we thought we'd wait until they were in hs and then adopt a waiting child)

As to your questions, yes those are valid concerns but that's just something you'll have to risk if you go down this path. And with more and more IA now you do get more information about the pregnancy, birth, etc. as well as lots of info on the birth family. As far as dealing with that, we plan to talk with our agency about ways to approach these things when the time comes. There are also many medical professionals around the US who dedicate their careers to IA and many aspects of it that can also help if a family is struggling.

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