MIL is already campaigning

anna7602 · July 2012

... for DD to go to summer camp in her part of the country next summer. It's a 3-hour flight from our home in NY (if we're back there by then) and across an ocean from where we are now.

Am I over-controlling to not love the idea of my then-5-year-old spending 6-8 weeks at my IL's next summer? Granted, I know MIL hates that we live so far away right now and that she hates even more that she hasn't been able to visit us yet (we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving). But sending us a message in July 2012 to consider allowing this in June 2013 seems a bit extreme, no?

Kaeldrasmommy · July 2012

I think that's a really long time for a 5 year old to spend away. But I can see why she would ask you this early, I would have to think about that for a long time.

amatistajoy · July 2012

6-8 weeks is a really long time

blush64 · July 2012

Hi, I don't post on here very much but I wanted to answer. I wouldn't have let me kids go so far and so long at any age. They are 16 and 13 now and I still wouldn't let them go for 6-8 weeks. I don't think there's anything wrong with it butI just couldn't do it. I understand them asking early to give you time to think about it and to amke sure you hadn't made plans yet. I wouldn't answer right away though, I would be honest and let her know you will have to get back to her with an answer closer to that time.

nosoup4u · July 2012

6-8 weeks seems hella long for a 5-year-old. I know my older son would be majorly homesick. Would she be okay with 2-3 weeks? She sounds like my MIL - definitely a planner!

Harper'smom · July 2012

I used to spend 3-4 weeks 2500 miles away at my Grandmother's each summer starting at around age 4. I'd fly unaccompanied minor. I wonder if they even do that now a days? That would scare the crap out of me...Anyways, I loved it. Those summers are some of the best memories of my childhood.

That being said I think 6-8 weeks is WAY too long. I would consider compromising with a 2 week stay with an open ended ticket in case A wants to return earlier than expected.

Temp994124375009771 · July 2012

Way, way too long for a 5 year old. No way.

I would be ok with a 2 week visit with grandma and grandpa at that age.

Also, if you did the 2 weeks you could then tag on an extra week (at the end of beginning of the trip) with you there as a vacation for you too so grandparents get a total of 3 weeks.

cowgirltu · July 2012

A dirty lurker sneaking in, but we just had my SS to visit for 3 weeks. He is 6 yo. He did really awesome visiting, and didnt get upset over missing his mother or anything, but 3 weeks was really the max limit. The last 5-6 days of his visit, he would ask me every morning how many days until he got to go back home and every night he would ask again to make sure. It wasnt a lack of fun or being with his dad and me, but he missed his primary home which is a plane trip away (Kansas and we are in NC).

bandwife · July 2012

6-8 weeks is a long time for anyone but a 5 yr old? I didn't feel comfortable leaving my mom for that long until I went away to college. Big Smile

We're expats too so I understand your MILs enthusiasm for planning. My mom is already planning a 2-3 week visit when our new one arrives and we have already told family that we will be back to visit in the late spring of next year. We have to get things on the books well in advance.

I wouldn't shut the door on the idea but I would start gently telling her what you're comfortable with.

shakes · July 2012

I don't frequent this board much and never post, but I wanted to add something. My grandfather took me to Europe with him for 6 weeks on 3 separate occasions (2 years old, 7 years old, and 13 years old) without my parents. It was by far the best time for me and the memories are irreplaceable, he is 84 now and we still talk about it often. I think asking you a year ahead is quite respectful and gives you lots of time to think it out and decide what to do. Something to think about at least. GL

CalinsBride · July 2012

Yeah, that would be a "no" if the ILs were asking us to do that. Maybe when the kids are in junior high.

Jenny952 · July 2012

That is a really long time for a 5-year old to be away, and especially since it sounds like she doesn't see her grandparents much. It might be a little too overwhelming/scary for her to go away for that long with people she doesn't know too well. But it doesn't matter what all of us think - are YOU comfortable sending her away for that long?

Jena503 · July 2012

I think it was a good thing for her to ask so far in advance. Don't hold that against her.

I don't think 6-8 weeks is absolutely crazy, but perhaps a little too ambitious for a first time solo trip with grandparents. I think someone's suggestion of 1 week family visit and then 2 weeks for her to stay alone is a great compromise.

Personally, I spent weeks on end every summer with my grandparents or with my aunt's family and was very rarely homesick. I started doing that for a couple weeks when I was 4. (but hey, maybe I'm strange because I think it's a bit odd that parents can't imagine being separated from their older kids - I went on a school trip at 15 that was 6wk long and I was off to college at 17, so I think kids need to be able to function without you by then!).

And yes, airlines still do unaccompanied minor flights - SS did those until just a few years ago. You usually have to be 5 to fly that way but the rules (and costs) are different for each airline.

Todd&Laura · July 2012

My MIL lives several states away, too. I would hate the idea, too, if I were you. That is such a long time for your little one to be away.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2012

I'm guessing she asked so far in advance because she figured you would want/need that time to plan. Given how far away you are, and in another country, she is probably just trying to be helpful.

6-8 weeks seems like a long time for a 5yr old to be away from parents/home. Especially if this is her first trip solo. But that also largely depends on the kid. I think the PP suggestion of 3 weeks with one week as a family trip would be a good compromise if you/H could get the time off. I bet MIL would like seeing you guys too.

You know your child best, and how you think she would deal with that long of a trip away. I would tell MIL you will talk with H about it and get back with her. But I don't think it's a totally crazy idea altogether.

pepomntpat · July 2012

Harper'smom:
I used to spend 3-4 weeks 2500 miles away at my Grandmother's each summer starting at around age 4. I'd fly unaccompanied minor. I wonder if they even do that now a days? That would scare the crap out of me...Anyways, I loved it. Those summers are some of the best memories of my childhood.

That being said I think 6-8 weeks is WAY too long. I would consider compromising with a 2 week stay with an open ended ticket in case A wants to return earlier than expected.

I did also. It was a lot of fun. I don't really think either of you is being unreasonable. Everyone has their comfort zone. I would talk about it and reach a compromise.