For Tamb and other unapologetic formula feeders

Mamasaurus · August 2012

Tambcat:
It's kind of nice to get to feel "smug" about the way I feed my child once in awhile. I feel like it's a luxury that BFers come by easily.

I feel judged for still bfing and pressured to quit. The closest I came to smug was when a relative who had mixed formula in my fridge couldn't tell the difference between it and my pumped milk b/c we had the same bottle. Granted, a lot of people see how big she is and assume she's old enough for solids, but still. It kind of blows that none of us get to feel good about our choices very often!

Tambcat · August 2012

Mamasaurus:
Tambcat:
It's kind of nice to get to feel "smug" about the way I feed my child once in awhile. I feel like it's a luxury that BFers come by easily.
I feel judged for still bfing and pressured to quit. The closest I came to smug was when a relative who had mixed formula in my fridge couldn't tell the difference between it and my pumped milk b/c we had the same bottle. Granted, a lot of people see how big she is and assume she's old enough for solids, but still. It kind of blows that none of us get to feel good about our choices very often!

I guess so. But even with all the harassment and difficulties, people who breastfeed can feel reassured by the fact that they are doing what is "best" for their babies. If you choose to FF (can't speak to women who do it out of medical necessity), the judgment/harassment can leave you feeling guilty and selfish.

bellablue2 · August 2012

Mamasaurus:

Tambcat:
It's kind of nice to get to feel "smug" about the way I feed my child once in awhile. I feel like it's a luxury that BFers come by easily.

I feel judged for still bfing and pressured to quit. The closest I came to smug was when a relative who had mixed formula in my fridge couldn't tell the difference between it and my pumped milk b/c we had the same bottle. Granted, a lot of people see how big she is and assume she's old enough for solids, but still. It kind of blows that none of us get to feel good about our choices very often!

I am confused. So are you saying she is big because she is bf? I have a friend with a daughter who is big and chubby. She likes to tell others it is because she is BF. My oldest son was huge and he was ff, so that is bullcrap.

dixee.deluxe · August 2012

I didn't have any "problems".

I'd also like to know how many hospitals ALREADY lock up their formula. I bet it's more than we think. Because, um, people steal sh!t. Formula has a high resale value. Every grocery store in my area locks it up. I'm surprised stores like WalMart and Target don't. They lock up razorblades!

Butterbrot · August 2012

erniebufflo:
jessandandy09:
Ladies, I thought the "I dont produce enough formula" badge was cute. I cant speak on her behalf, but she has every right to be proud that she is bfing and to make an adorable badge. I think maybe juding it is feeling a little over sensitive. I bf and ff. oh and I "make" both cuz I dont lactate well enough and that formula doesnt just make itself into a bottle. I mix and heat that shiz up.
Yeah, no one is saying she should be banned from having it. What we are saying is that a joke that relies on people saying "I didn't produce enough breastmilk" to be funny is hurtful. If folks are free to be all BF and proud, we're free to express how that can sometimes be hurtful.

I wonder in general about this need to be "proud" of stuff. I breastfeed, but I'm about as "proud" of it as ... shiz, I dunno ... sweating? Breastfeeding came easily for me, but I know that's no reason to, again ... be proud. I can't give birth through my vag, and it always kind of pisses me off that women are proud because they were able to do that ... and without an epi! A lot of it is just luck of the draw. Should I be less "proud" because I had to have my kids cut out of my uterus? On the other hand, I know it pisses me off (just a little) because I couldn't and I wanted to.

We women are way too goddamn hard on each other. Where's the motherf?cking sisterhood? Why do we need to always be proving who's more Mama Bear?

Formula feeders, breastfeeders, whatever. Just love those babies and try to learn to get off other women's backs. Or tits.

dixee.deluxe · August 2012

Butterbrot:

I wonder in general about this need to be "proud" of stuff.

Yep.

Tambcat · August 2012

I am so dumb. I never realized the reason stores lock up razor blades b/c ... um... they are razor blades. :-/

Tambcat · August 2012

I AM proud of sweating. My body is regulatin' that temperature sh!t like a mofo, y'all!

Mamasaurus · August 2012

bellablue2:
Mamasaurus:

Tambcat:
It's kind of nice to get to feel "smug" about the way I feed my child once in awhile. I feel like it's a luxury that BFers come by easily.

I feel judged for still bfing and pressured to quit. The closest I came to smug was when a relative who had mixed formula in my fridge couldn't tell the difference between it and my pumped milk b/c we had the same bottle. Granted, a lot of people see how big she is and assume she's old enough for solids, but still. It kind of blows that none of us get to feel good about our choices very often!

I am confused. So are you saying she is big because she is bf? I have a friend with a daughter who is big and chubby. She likes to tell others it is because she is BF. My oldest son was huge and he was ff, so that is bullcrap.

No, I am saying she is big, so people think she's older. Calm down!

I was once accused of smothering her and being a bad mother who is only BFing because I selfishly don't want to wean her, by a man (yes, a man) who, when asked, thought she was 7 months. She was 2 months at the time. That kind of thing is where my comment here is coming from, not a size/supremacy debate. Plus, so what if she was that old? It's not like she's in fifth grade and I swing by by the playground at recess to NIP with her!

Lab&BoxerMomma · August 2012

Tambcat:
I feel embarrassed to tell people I formula feed.

Ditto.

Thanks for posting this article. Even my H doesn't get why we switched to formula Huh? He complains everytime I say we are out and asks me why I don't just breastfeed anymore. That never ends up well...

I also noticed on the can of formula where it says "breast is best"...Nooo sh!t. Way to make me feel more guilty.

Breastfeeding takes a lot of support, and not taking it for granted.

Tambcat · August 2012

Mamasaurus:
bellablue2:
Mamasaurus:

Tambcat:
It's kind of nice to get to feel "smug" about the way I feed my child once in awhile. I feel like it's a luxury that BFers come by easily.

I feel judged for still bfing and pressured to quit. The closest I came to smug was when a relative who had mixed formula in my fridge couldn't tell the difference between it and my pumped milk b/c we had the same bottle. Granted, a lot of people see how big she is and assume she's old enough for solids, but still. It kind of blows that none of us get to feel good about our choices very often!

I am confused. So are you saying she is big because she is bf? I have a friend with a daughter who is big and chubby. She likes to tell others it is because she is BF. My oldest son was huge and he was ff, so that is bullcrap.
No, I am saying she is big, so people think she's older. Calm down!
I was once accused of smothering her and being a bad mother who is only BFing because I selfishly don't want to wean her, by a man (yes, a man) who, when asked, thought she was 7 months. She was 2 months at the time. That kind of thing is where my comment here is coming from, not a size/supremacy debate. Plus, so what if she was that old? It's not like she's in fifth grade and I swing by by the playground at recess to NIP with her!

AND EVEN IF YOU DID!!! lol, j/k. 5th grade is probably pushing it even for the most extended breastfeeders of breastfeeders.

ninjabridemom · August 2012

Sorry in advance for this (you'll see why w the last sentence in this paragraph) but: I am PERSONALLY proud that I'm able to bf to the extent I am with twins. I don't think I'm better than anyone for it but damn, I AM proud to be able to do what I wanted in part. Especially since there times (multiple) in the first 12 weeks I actually screamed while latching one "I F*CKING HATE BREASTFEEDING!" But in the scheme of life and community of mothers it doesn't matter. I don't usually let this pride leave my head, b/c it's socially bullshiit lol.

Anyone should be proud of the things they go through for their kids. Should we be martyrs about it? Helllll no. But think of the fact that we all SURVIVED the first weeks -- that some babies are still not STTN and those mothers are surviving that -- that some moms have gone through or are going through PPD and other PP issues -- we should ALL be proud of these things. BF'ing is part of it. Deciding to FF should be part of it, too -- you made a choice that's better for your family, be proud of it!!!

erniebufflo · August 2012

ninjabridemom:
Sorry in advance for this (you'll see why w the last sentence in this paragraph) but: I am PERSONALLY proud that I'm able to bf to the extent I am with twins. I don't think I'm better than anyone for it but damn, I AM proud to be able to do what I wanted in part. Especially since there times (multiple) in the first 12 weeks I actually screamed while latching one "I F*CKING HATE BREASTFEEDING!" But in the scheme of life and community of mothers it doesn't matter. I don't usually let this pride leave my head, b/c it's socially bullshiit lol.

Anyone should be proud of the things they go through for their kids. Should we be martyrs about it? Helllll no. But think of the fact that we all SURVIVED the first weeks -- that some babies are still not STTN and those mothers are surviving that -- that some moms have gone through or are going through PPD and other PP issues -- we should ALL be proud of these things. BF'ing is part of it. Deciding to FF should be part of it, too -- you made a choice that's better for your family, be proud of it!!!

I can agree with this. I get twin smug sometimes. And I'm proud of cloth diapering, not because I think it's hard or I deserve a medal or something, but I think it's the best choice *for my family* (definitely not for everyone). I think it's fine to be proud of your choices, it just gets uncool when that pride relies on putting others down.

ninjabridemom · August 2012

It's really hard NOT to get twin smug but I think this will dissipate as they get older and the issues are less twin-specific and more about having two kids.

I hear you on putting people down. That's why I don't like sigs/badges/etc where the inherent converse is "formula feeding is bad."

BabyMakes6 · August 2012

I FF all four our our kids and never thought twice about it. Different strokes for different folks.

creamsiclechica · August 2012

I hope it's okay to weigh in on this as an EBF mom. I feel that there is way too much scrutiny attributed to FF, and it's such an injustice. There are so many reasons that BF isn't an option for some people, physical, mentally, or emotionally, and we should respect these reasons and leave it alone. I think anyone who is feeding their child sufficiently and nurturing their well being in all other ways deserves credit for being a capable and caring mother. The stigma attached to FF is absurd. If you were giving your child something other than formula from the get go, like plain cow's milk, or water, then sure, you'd get the side eye and scrutiny for not providing for the nutritional needs of your LO. Formula is nothing like that. And I don't understand why it IS a question among random people. It's as personal a question as, "do you have your period today?" At least if you ask me. I don't want to talk about my breast functions with many people either. I think it's really sad that any of you feel embarrassed to admit to FF, because from what we can see, you're all here on a forum designed for expectant mothers and those raising children. You've gathered information and did research on what's best for YOUR child and YOUR family. That's the signs of good, solid parenting. You should all be proud, and not to sound like a political ad, but I support you!

erniebufflo · August 2012

Thanks, creamsicle!

ateal2490 · August 2012

Butterbrot:
erniebufflo:
jessandandy09:
Ladies, I thought the "I dont produce enough formula" badge was cute. I cant speak on her behalf, but she has every right to be proud that she is bfing and to make an adorable badge. I think maybe juding it is feeling a little over sensitive. I bf and ff. oh and I "make" both cuz I dont lactate well enough and that formula doesnt just make itself into a bottle. I mix and heat that shiz up.
Yeah, no one is saying she should be banned from having it. What we are saying is that a joke that relies on people saying "I didn't produce enough breastmilk" to be funny is hurtful. If folks are free to be all BF and proud, we're free to express how that can sometimes be hurtful.
I wonder in general about this need to be "proud" of stuff. I breastfeed, but I'm about as "proud" of it as ... shiz, I dunno ... sweating? Breastfeeding came easily for me, but I know that's no reason to, again ... be proud. I can't give birth through my vag, and it always kind of pisses me off that women are proud because they were able to do that ... and without an epi! A lot of it is just luck of the draw. Should I be less "proud" because I had to have my kids cut out of my uterus? On the other hand, I know it pisses me off (just a little) because I couldn't and I wanted to.
We women are way too goddamn hard on each other. Where's the motherf?cking sisterhood? Why do we need to always be proving who's more Mama Bear?
Formula feeders, breastfeeders, whatever. Just love those babies and try to learn to get off other women's backs. Or tits.

I am very proud of myself for giving birth to my daughter vaginally without an epi and I don't understand where the problem lies in that statement. Its something I worked hard toward, something I committed a lot of time preparing for, and something that I accomplished after thinking that I couldn't have possibly endured it any longer. That doesn't mean that I have a condescending opinion about mothers who have had c sections, epis, pitocin, or those who had to use forceps, vacuums. That just means that I am proud of myself. I don't see what's wrong with that. Shrug.

KFCupcake · August 2012

I'd like to say thank you for this thread! Before A was born, I was one of those women who exclaimed "I'll never use formula! That's what my breasts are for!" I was even sans bottles for the first month of his life. Let me tell you, that last week before moving to bottles was excruciating. I had him on my boob for hours on end. People were commenting "he's eating AGAIN?" and I would just smile and nod. Every night I cried as he cried because I felt like I was unable to fulfill my baby's needs. I agonized over the decision of using formula because it was something I really didn't want to do. But my baby's full belly trumps all and we haven't looked back since. I still BF for MOTN feedings and I pump a few times a day, but my job doesn't afford me the luxury of sitting down for 20 minutes to pump. Hell, I eat my lunch standing up in 2 minutes flat.

I genuinely commend the women that EBF, but I have come to learn that it was not the best for my child and me.

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