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Hitting & Kicking..kind of long sorry..PLEASE HELP!

dhinze629dhinze629
in Pre-School and Daycare

DS is going to be 5 years old in Sept. I am currently 7 months pregnant with DS2. DS1 is in Pre-K for the summer program and will continue on once the actual school year starts. He started in the summer to get him use to the school setting since he has never been and misses the kindergarten cutoff by 6 days. Well he has been having some incidents in school where he does not keep his hands to himself.  He has kicked a couple of kids and bite one once. Wednesday I got a call while I was in work that he threw a block at a boy and it bruised the boys arm then when the teacher went to talk to him he hit her and then started running around the room yelling, screaming and throwing stuff. So I left work to pick him up. When i got to the school i was SO embarresed he has NEVER acted this bad before. He might throw a little fit at home and not listen but nothing like this EVER. I dont know what to do and I have been really stressed out about all of this and I know its not good being pregnant. I have tried time out, taking toys and games away that he likes and and going to bed early and none of that seems to be working. He keeps saying "im sorry mamma, i wanna be good" but i try to explain to him that if he WANTS to be good he is the only one that can make him be good. I really dont know what to do anymore I could really use some useful advise. Thank You!







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Re: Hitting & Kicking..kind of long sorry..PLEASE HELP!

  • kmhunt11kmhunt11 member
    All older siblings act out in terrible ways, both before and after baby arrives.  I don't think there is anything to do except give him plenty of love and positive reinforcement when he's acting appropriately.  DD1 got especially bad when my belly got very big, and then again when DD2 was 3-4 weeks old.  Things have stabilized for the most part.  Im sorry I dont have advice, but it will pass.
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  • flyingsaucerflyingsaucer member

    I agree with PP that he has a lot going on... he is going through a lot of changes including a new school and a sibling on the way.  I would meet with the teachers frequently so that you can come up with a plan together and follow up often.  Let your son know that you are aware of what is happening at school when it happens.

    Kids who are in school for the first time often DO NOT KNOW how to handle conflict with other kids, how to handle frustration, etc.  Maybe you could take him on playdates on the weekends to encourage play skills or talk to him about WHAT TO DO when he is upset and not just what NOT to do.

    Hang in there!

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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    A few things stand out to me in what you wrote - You are giving consequences at home for how he acts at school - the teachers should be giving consequences at school for how he acts at school.  You giving him a consequence (taking a toy away or whatever) hours later will do nothing.  I would sit down with the teachers and come up with a plan for dealing with his acting out/hitting/etc.  As a parent, you need to reinenforce what the teachers are doing by reminding the child and discussing what happened but the consequence needs to happen right away.  As far as the comment that he can't help how he is acting - some kids really truly can't help it.  My DD has ADHD and trust me, she sometimes just can't think through a situation in the heat of the moment and realize what she should be doing, she does does it.  We work very hard with her on staying calm (doing deep breaths, counting to 10, walking away and finding a safe place to be by herself) to help but saying that he is the only one that make himself be good might to much at his age.  I would spend time acting out different situations and acting how different ways that he can react.  My DD"s PReK class does this and it really works.  They use a lesson called Second Step.  ON top of everything, your child has a lot of change going on with starting school and the new baby coming. 
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • neverblushedneverblushed member

    I agree that school problems need to be handled at school.

    However, this doesn't mean you call the school and say, "Well -- it's your problem, teachers.  What do you want me to do?"  

    You need to sit down with the teachers and director and together come up with a plan to help your son adjust to school and weather this time of change when he's adjusting to a school setting and adjusting to the addition to your family.

    My kids' preschool generally used a system of warnings and time-outs plus lots of positive reinforcement for good behavior.  5 year olds REALLY like to be a part of the group and a part of the action, and they really like being good, so these methods are really powerful for kids your son's age.

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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