I thought I would be a mess

jlcrhw · August 2012

Today I had my first F/U and I was so nervous to go and see all the pregnant women. I thought I was going to lose it in the waiting room. Somehow I was able to keep from bursting into tears. My appointment went well. However they did not have results back from the genetic testing that was done and I am nervous and anxious to get the them.

DH and I also went to the funeral home to pick up our Isabella's ashes today. I did loose it a little bit. I thought I would feel so different. I thought I would feel like my heart was being torn out all over again but I didn't. It is hard to explain how I felt it was almost a sense of calm. I feel better knowing that we get to have part of her at home. I aslo had a necklace made with part of her ashes inside. It is a silver teardrop. I feel closer to her somehow now wearing it.

I know that that the flood of emotions and tears will show up soon but for now I am enjoying the feeling of being close to my little girl.

kikibelle · August 2012

We had our Julian cremated as well, and picked up his ashes on Monday. I was also surprised at the sense of peace it gave me (and DH). We will scatter his ashes in a special place in a few weeks. For now, it's nice to have him at home with us.