Guilt trip from fam (vent)

ilenegrace · August 2012

Ok when I was younger I told my entire family what I would be naming my future daughter because it was sorta a tradition I was wanting to continue. My fn is my mother's mn and my mn is her mother's fn. Therefore making my future daughter Grace (my mn) Kelly (mother's fn). Now fast forward 15 years and I decided to change my mind. I love the name, I love the tradition, but DH and I have started a new tradition in our family.

We decided to follow the same pattern for naming DD that we used for DS. We put alot of thought into picking a new name that we both love (Isabella Grace) and are firm on it. I shouldn't have shared it with my fam but I'm not big on secrets and I can't really keep my 2yr old from not pointing to my belly and proudly telling everyone who is in there. My mom was super passive aggressive about the whole thing walking around the house saying "I'm sure somewhere I have it in writing that you were going to name her..." To make matters worse she is complaining about it to my aunts who are now jumping on the bandwagon and sending me emails saying "You always said you were going to name her... I REALLY hope you do!" Its just super frustrating and making me sad.

I kinda figured I would get some resistance about the name change from my fam. I guess I just had sorta hoped they would not hold me to a decision I made by myself when I was a kid! Anyone else in a similar situation?

kincaid44 · August 2012

I've never been in your situation but my best advice to you is to name your daughter what you want to name her, otherwise you may regret it.

KearaD · August 2012

That totally stinks. You should name your daughter whatever you want. If someone else confronts you about the name you picked when you were a kid, I think the best response would be something like "Well I also wanted to be a princess/veterinarian/ballerina/firefighter/etc., but things change! You can't expect an adult to do everything she said she would as a kid."

VTFutureMrs · August 2012

Honestly..your family has no say in what you name your kid. They also need to understand that it's a decision b/w you and your DH and not a tradition passed down in your family. Personally I like Isabella Grace better than Grace Kelly anyway. Unless you were in love with actress or something. Go with what you love otherwise I think you will regret it later on.

jlsimon56 · August 2012

I was (am?) in this situation. I always said, from the time I was in 8th grade, that if I had a daughter, I'd name her Grey.

Well fast forward lots of years, and I had a daughter. I did not name her Grey. Several reasons:
1. DH hated it.
2. The name suddenly got super popular.
3. Naming a human is different as an adult than as an 8th grader, haha.

Well my aunt (who's a sassypants anyhow) was like, "Oh my GOODNESS, you didn't name her GREY???? I thought......?????????" Made me feel like poo.

I did not explain myself. Just introduced my daughter and left it at that. We also did not share the name ahead of time, but not for that reason - moreso b/c my MIL was obnoxious about it, haha.

Best of luck to you.

g8trkim · August 2012

I always think it's crappy for families to hold you to naming traditions. Also, who cares what you decided when you were a kid. People change their minds. Plus, I think the Grace Kelly thing is a little weird.

You need to be honest with your mom that her comments are hurtful and out of line. If you don't stand up for yourself she will continue her immature behavior.

mamainseptember · August 2012

Its really tough being in that situation. In my family we have 6 generations of the MN being Ann. DH really hates such a plain MN but my mom and gma would be devastated if we didn't use it. We've come to an understanding that it's just a MN and keeping the tradition is more important. I'm huge on naming your kid what you love, but I do understand the disappointment of not keeping a tradition.

magsugar13 · August 2012

Well, if you give in it just proves to them that their taunting worked!

There is no reason at all that you should have a guilt trip for naming YOUR baby what you and your H want.

Next time they say well you said you were going to tell them you waned to be a ballerina when you grew up too, but things change.

princessjenney · August 2012

ilenegrace:
I guess I just had sorta hoped they would not hold me to a decision I made by myself when I was a kid!

This is the point I would drive home, and the fact that decision was made without the consideration of your husband. They need to understand that. Go with what you and your husband want.

PurpleDrewbie5 · August 2012

VTFutureMrs:
Honestly..your family has no say in what you name your kid. They also need to understand that it's a decision b/w you and your DH and not a tradition passed down in your family. Personally I like Isabella Grace better than Grace Kelly anyway. Unless you were in love with actress or something. Go with what you love otherwise I think you will regret it later on.

When I was younger one of my best friends swore that she would name her future daughter Topanga. It was just so lovely and beautiful. Fast forward to grown up and none of her kids are named Topanga. Why? Because we all say things as kids that should not be taken seriously as adults. Your family needs to back off. Your daughter is your daughter. You and your husband are the only ones who get to name her. It's very childish they are acting passive aggressive and emailing you and such. It is NOT their business and if they can't accept the name you've chosen it's their problem, not yours.

this decaf life · August 2012

Tell them you grew up and as a human have the right to change your mind.

They're being ridiculous. Even if you said it last month they can't hold you to it.

lindseywit · August 2012

I say you are carrying her for 9 months and you have to birth her. It is your right to name her whatever you choose. It really is none of their business what you choose. I would also remind them that this choice is also your husbands and he did not agree to a name you chose when you were 15 before you met him. BTW I think the name you chose is absolutely beautiful.

Hang in there, they will come around. I don't think they will love this baby any less if you don't stick to their tradition.

apc1929 · August 2012

I'm sorry but I can't even imagine my Mother or Aunts acting so immature and ridiculous. And I am super close to all of them. Its a decision for you guys to make alone. And that also brings me to how could you even have "named" a baby before knowing how your future DH would feel about it? They are being absurd Isabella Grace is lovely

CocoR04 · August 2012

I agree with everyone - you and your DH have a right to name her what you want. Once your LO is born, no one will be talking about how they wished her name was Grace Kelly. They don't have anything else to focus on right now, so it's at the top of their minds.

I personally hate family pressure to name a child a certain name. My DH's family has a religious naming tradition that they would like us to honor. I understand the pressure!!

TofuMama7 · August 2012

Do you know what is upsetting her? I seriously doubt she's upset you changed your mind from when you were a child. Could it be she's upset that the baby's name no longer honors her? (you cut the Kelly part).

Obviously it's your baby so you and your DH get to pick the name. I don't know what your relationship is like with your mom but if it was me I'd talk to me mom about it.

kerribear1717 · August 2012

Tell them it's rude to question you about your kid's name and that DH had a horrid B of an ex-gf that was named Kelly that stalked him for years so you thought it was very inappropriate and thank them for bring up bad memories.

melody921 · August 2012

They need to get over it. At the end of the day, it's your child and your choice. This is not the time to appease other people's fragile emotions.

kayjay10 · August 2012

Bottom line: It's your baby and you can name her whatever you choose. And you have the right to change your mind whenever you want as many times as you want.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · August 2012

You were a child/teenager then (and also had no input from any DH back then), you are an adult now, people change their minds/decisions especially years later. I think it is wrong of your family to try to hold you to that. I mean, your mom can express a little bit of disappointment because she was really hoping you would carry the tradition, but to actually try to guilt you about it is terrible.

You choose whichever name you and your DH want and ignore your family.

kacelle · August 2012

You cannot name your daughter Grace Kelly. Everyone in the world (outside of your family) will assume you're just really obsessed with Princess Grace.

queenbone · August 2012

Your family is being very immature, it seems you're the only one who has grown up.

RedInLove · August 2012

The expectation of an adult to be held to a childhood dream or wish is absurd. How many of us wanted to grow up to be princesses, or marry daddy? Regardless of what the wish or dream is, it is from a child's mind. Regardless of how meaningful it might be, we don't make those decisions as kids. We make them as adults.

You and your husband absolutely should give your daughter a name you have chosen special for her, and not a name that has been determined by previous generations' preferences or expectations.

RedInLove · August 2012

TofuMama7:
Do you know what is upsetting her? I seriously doubt she's upset you changed your mind from when you were a child. Could it be she's upset that the baby's name no longer honors her? (you cut the Kelly part).

Honoring a family member in name is a choice, that's what makes it an honor. It's not an honor if you're forced to do it. An honor is a choice, a gift by the parents on their own, to honor both their new child and the family member by conveying a name to a new generation. Naming your child after your parent, when you don't want to, is not an honor even if it is a family tradition.

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