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Didn't think it would hurt so bad...

JennaNAaronJennaNAaron member
in Adoption

Sorry if this is long :)

 Three weeks ago today we got our first fostering placement.  When we originally accepted it was for a 14 month old and a newborn. I'm off for the summer, so taking a newborn was no big deal.   I found out right before the first child arrived that the baby was a preemie.  I was told that they didn't think it would be an issue for her to go to daycare around 7-8 weeks.  I didn't know anything about preemies so.... Well I'm due to go back to work in 3 weeks.  Last Friday the pediatrician said that baby won't be able to go to a daycare center until 12 weeks after her origninal due date.  Her original due date isn't until the end of August, so that would make it November before she can go to a center.

 I talked to her worker about getting alternate care until then.  I have the ability to take FMLA and take 12 weeks off, but it would mostly be without pay (I have about 10 days of leave saved up).  The only way I could put us in that financial situation is if there was a strong likelihood of the kids coming up for adoption at some point.  At this point I think it's way to soon to tell.  Although we are going to inquire if they have any idea. 

 Our worker today said that they use to have other foster families that would watch kids in these situations during the day, but they all have placements now.  One option we may have had was an in home center with just a couple of kids.  I got an e-mail from our worker saying that don't want her to go to an inhome daycare and they won't pay for someone to watch her in our home until she can go to daycare so they are looking for a new placement with a SAH parent.   

 I didn't realize how bad it would hurt, or how attached I would get so quickly...maybe I'm stupid to not realize it.  My husband and I literally sat on the floor and cried tonight.  I just wish we had another option.  I wish they could work with us.  I would feel much better if things were worked out and they were going home with mom, but now I have this fear that they'll go to a new home and come up for adoption and we won't have the option since they aren't with us.....

 It's making me rethink my decision to foster.   Maybe I'm not cut out for it.  I just hoped we'd have one of those "perfect" experiences.

If you took the time to read this, thanks :)  I just needed to "talk" to someone who might get it. 

 

~*Jenna*~


TTC since November 2009.

Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting!  Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI!  First IUI scheduled 10/3/13


Currently loving our placements:

A 1/08

C 4/11

K 6/12


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Re: Didn't think it would hurt so bad...

  • IRRIRR member
    Sorry to hear you are so upset.  Can't say I know what you are going through, but I hope it gets easier for you and your DH.
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • c&dwaiting4ourmiraclec&dwaiting4ourmiracle
    Just wanted to say I'm sorry for the hurt and pain you're feeling.  Hugs.
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  • srmmm09srmmm09
    Well I don't know personally what it's like (as a birthmom, I have an inkling), but I'm so sorry this is the situation you're in. Ts &Ps are with you and your H. I hope you can lean on each other during this time; I watched a friend's marriage implode after they had their foster child reunite (it seemed like a long shot when they accepted him and for the first couple of months). But they weren't taking care of each other and kind of only thinking about their own feelings.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
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  • Lacyj67Lacyj67 member
    Aww I'm sorry that must be so difficult
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






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  • HopingforChangeHopingforChange member
    I am so sorry.  That has to be indescribably hard.  ((hugs)) and prayers to you and your DH.
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  • Geauxmama11Geauxmama11 member
    I'm so sorry you're going through this; I can only imagine that my response would be very similar. My dh & I are attending an informational meeting about fostering next week & the potential for a situation similar to yours seems so emotionally difficult:( T&Ps your way!
    Foster to adopt process started 8/2012:)
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  • morgan2Bmorgan2B
    I get it!  I wasn't in the exact situation but similiar and it didn't work out for us. My husband and I were so hurt.  We never expected to get so attached either or for it to hurt so bad.  BUT...
    I will say "there is a reason for everything", "God has a plan", have faith!  Looking back, I realize that all of that was true.  We'll never forget those kids that were in our lives for about 6 mths, we pray for them regularly, and only hope for the best in their lives.  As far as growing our family, we now have our "forever kiddos" in our home and adoption should be final by February.
    Bio blog
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  • Foster1MomFoster1Mom

    I am so sorry all you are going through. This is honestly my biggest fear. I do not know how you can ever "prepare" for something like this. Logically you can process it but emotionally I am not sure anyone can be prepared. My T & P's are with you and your family.

    Question: Do you have any stay at home family members that can be background checked and be approved to watch the baby? 

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  • Robby6Robby6
    That is really difficult.  I'm so sorry.
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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member
    I "get it".  I've been there.  I know you have heard it all before, but there is a reason things work out the way they do.  It's crushing now, but it just wasn't meant to be.  These were not "your" children.  Your child is out there and you have to trust that what is meant to be will be.  I heard this throughout my 4 years of the CPS system and fost/adopt.  I can't tell you how many times I cried.  Looking back I know that they were not the right situation and now I have my beautiful son and it was meant to be. I truly believe that god has a plan and it's not for us to question and we may never understand but trust in it.  I am sending you hugs. 
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  • DaisyZHDaisyZH member
    I'm so sorry, that is so very hard Sad  As a PP mentioned, do you have any family members/friends that are retired or a stay at home parent that would be willing to watch the baby for free until they are able to go to day care?  I'm not familiar with the process, so assuming they would need to be approved but could that be a possibility?  My heart aches for you, (( Hugs )) and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.


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  • cadgirlcadgirl member

    My heart aches for you.  We are not the same circumstance since ours will be leaving soon to go back home, but it does hurt!  We just found out today that they will be going home much sooner than we thought... and it hurts... a lot.  I will be praying for you and your husband as you go through this hard time.

    Foster parents turned adoptive parents :)
    Adoptive daughter born 08/07/13... growing so fast
    BM due again end of March 2015 so any day!
    Bloggy blog
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