Feeling a little inadequate

NMW071000 · August 2012

Confession: My nine month old does not sleep through the night.

I didn't think this was a huge deal. Am I tired? Yeah, I am. But he typically wakes only for a pacifier...anywhere from 2-4 times a night. Typically if I sneak in his nursery, pop the paci in his mouth, and walk out, he'll go right back to sleep. He doesn't wake for bottles.

Telling some other mommy friends this, they gasped, "He STILL doesn't sleep through the night?!"

Am I doing something wrong? Please tell me I'm not the only one. I'm a first-time mom and am suddenly feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing.

Tips? Suggestions? Maybe even a little encouragement? Just feeling a little down tonight.

katie4253 · August 2012

I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.

NMW071000 · August 2012

katie4253:
I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.

With Ferber do you still offer a pacifier when he wakes up?
Also, your son is insanely adorable. I love his hair.

katie4253 · August 2012

NMW071000:
katie4253:
I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.
With Ferber do you still offer a pacifier when he wakes up?
Also, your son is insanely adorable. I love his hair.

He only took a paci when he was in the NICU. After he came home he refused them (we tried every kind).

Can your LO put his own paci in? I'd start putting like 10 pacis in his crib at night and let him figure out how to get it back in his mouth.

NMW071000 · August 2012

katie4253:
NMW071000:
katie4253:
I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.
With Ferber do you still offer a pacifier when he wakes up?
Also, your son is insanely adorable. I love his hair.
He only took a paci when he was in the NICU. After he came home he refused them (we tried every kind).

Can your LO put his own paci in? I'd start putting like 10 pacis in his crib at night and let him figure out how to get it back in his mouth.

He can, but he typically sleeps in pitch black. Maybe I should start leaving a small light on so he can find them?

katie4253 · August 2012

NMW071000:
katie4253:
NMW071000:
katie4253:
I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.
With Ferber do you still offer a pacifier when he wakes up?
Also, your son is insanely adorable. I love his hair.
He only took a paci when he was in the NICU. After he came home he refused them (we tried every kind).

Can your LO put his own paci in? I'd start putting like 10 pacis in his crib at night and let him figure out how to get it back in his mouth.
He can, but he typically sleeps in pitch black. Maybe I should start leaving a small light on so he can find them?

They sell glow in the dark ones.

NMW071000 · August 2012

katie4253:
NMW071000:
katie4253:
NMW071000:
katie4253:
I got nothing. We did Ferber at 11 months, and it helped. However, look at my ticker. My kiddo still doesn't sstn and he often wakes up for the day at 4:45. He's getting better, but I can't MAKE him be ready. So, we just go with it.
With Ferber do you still offer a pacifier when he wakes up?
Also, your son is insanely adorable. I love his hair.
He only took a paci when he was in the NICU. After he came home he refused them (we tried every kind).

Can your LO put his own paci in? I'd start putting like 10 pacis in his crib at night and let him figure out how to get it back in his mouth.
He can, but he typically sleeps in pitch black. Maybe I should start leaving a small light on so he can find them?
They sell glow in the dark ones.

Awesome! I'll check those out. Thanks so much.

candylies · August 2012

My 9.5 month old still does not sttn either. Any wake up before 4am, replacing the paci and putting the glowing seahorse on is enough. Any wake up after 4am I am at a total loss. He can be up for an hour or more and then usually up for the day at 6am. It is exhausting. I am certainly usually not ready to be up for the day at 4am!

We have the glow in the dark paci but they only glow for like a minute. They are the same price as the regular pacis so not a total loss. We have a nightlight on all night and sometimes I throw an extra paci in the crib for him to find.

And you are sooo not inadequate!!! Some babies just have trouble sttn.Some people are good sleepers some are not. It's not your fault. I have just come to accept it's probably going to take a long time for DS to no longer wake me at night...I just hope my next one sttn really quick!

We did do ferber CIO. It helped with him falling asleep on his own in the beginning of the night and I believed it has helped with other wake ups in the night but obviously hasn't helped any wake ups past 4am.

oh and with CIO I obviously let him keep his paci. At this point anything that helps him sleep and stay asleep I am letting him keep for now.

brittas · August 2012

NMW071000:

Tips? Suggestions? Maybe even a little encouragement? Just feeling a little down tonight.

Don't listen to them! You are doing fine! My LO didn't sleep through the night until 10 months... and that is only because that is when I finally decided to let him CIO more. I wasn't comfortable with that for the longest time, so you do what you need to do!

NMW071000 · August 2012

You ladies are awesome. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes. Where did they pick up these perfect babies who fall asleep from 8:30-9:00 A.M?! I just felt a little judged and a little panicked. I just hope I'm not rocking and swaddling by sixteen-year-old son in the future...lol

Thanks so much. So glad to know I'm not sailing this boat alone.

law&order · August 2012

Mine doesn't STTN and he just turned one. I'm exhausted but I figure it will happen at some point. DS's wake ups are to eat still (usually just once per night). I'm right there with you though. I would love some sleep :-/

dragon_chica · August 2012

DD didn't STTN (as in 10+ hours) until well after 12 months. Before that it was about 5 hours at a time.

DS was not so great until about mid-June when we finally moved him into his crib (he bedshared up to that point) at almost 9 months. Once there he slept maybe 3-4 hours at a time, which was a lot! Sometimes we were lucky to get 5 consecutive hours. Then about 2 weeks ago something magical happened. I finally decided to put the wearable blanket on him while at the same time at naptime I let him CIO for a bit. It was purely survival for me because prior to that when I would put him down for a nap he would nap maybe an hour if I was lucky. I finally had it and one day a couple weeks ago I nursed him and then put him down. He cried for about 20 min. and fell asleep. He napped for 2 hours! I decided from then on to do it that way. I also started to figure out his sleep patterns and cues and knew around what time to put him down. I finally tried it for bedtime after doing it for naps for a few days. Since we've done that he's slept 12 hours with maybe one or two days where he woke up around 11 p.m. and I nursed him and he went back down until 6-7 a.m. I do want to say that I don't let him CIO for too long. My threshold is about 20-30 min. and then I would do something about it. Luckily he hasn't gotten to that point. If he wakes up at night I'll still go in and feed him but luckily that's only happened a handful of times.

OP, in the end your child does have to be ready. Some are ready before 12 months and some aren't. Also, keep in mind that before 12 months a lot of the times they're waking up because of a need. Whether it's hunger, temp change, diaper change, or in need of some cuddling that's what they need you to fulfill. You just need to sometimes wait it out.

ladybugpjb · August 2012

Regarding the pacifier and Ferber (mentioned somewhere above) - I haven't read Ferber for awhile, but he does address pacifier use.

I believe that Ferber suggests waiting progressively longer each time to replace the pacifier when they wake up. One reason I don't remember exactly what he said about pacifiers is because I kind of disregarded it. I know eventually we will have to wean off the paci, but DS easily finds his own paci when he wakes up (I keep four or five in the crib), so it works for us now. He usually has a spare in his hand (or one in each hand) when he falls asleep, and I make sure the others are where he can find them. None of them are glow-in-the-dark, and we don't use a night-light.

One of the biggest things I took away from Ferber was that I needed to give DS the opportunity to go back to sleep on his own. I realized that he wasn't fully waking up, and only fully woke up because I interfered. We shared a room until he was about 9 months old, so it was hard to wait to see if he would go back to sleep. I made it a habit to wait a minute, go use the restroom, get a drink of water, etc., to see if he could resituate himself and go back to sleep. When you're lying there listening to them fuss, it seems like FOREVER. If you get up, use the restroom, get a drink of water, or whatever, you realize it's really not that long. However, your LO is a little older than mine was when we went through that, so you might not find my advice helpful.

If you lurk on some of the BMBs for babies a month or two older than your LO, I'm sure you'll see that you're not alone. Every baby is different. Hopefully yours will be ready to STTN soon so that you can get back to STTN, too

jnjmommy0609 · August 2012

LOL your friends act like that is the worst and most uncommon thing to happen. Ever. My honest advice...anytime they make a comment regarding your parenting skills just repeat over and over in your head that you are doing the best you can. Don't let any other moms get to you. Especially since there will be many other times where your parenting skills compared to others will be tested. The best thing to do now is practice not giving a sh*t.

Julz629 · August 2012

DS doesn't sleep through the night. He did for about 2 months around months 4 and 5, but doesn't anymore. He wakes up once to eat (between 3 & 4). Honestly, it might be a bit of a habit, but it's easier to just feed him than to try and break the habit. But then again, I BF so I can feed him and be back in bed within 10 minutes. I will break the habit eventually (if he doesn't break it himself first).

peaceinnature · August 2012

Ds recently had one glorious week where he slept straight from 8pm to 8am without waking up at all. He also went down pretty easily for naps. Unfortunately he's back to waking up 2-3 times a night now. He doesn't eat, although sometimes I try giving him water. Last night he was up at 4 and wouldn't go back to sleep for almost an hour. He just wanted me to hold him and to look at his seahorse and babble. Then he slept til 8am like usual.

I wish I knew the magical secret to getting him to sttn, but it seems to be pretty much based on his mood or whatever he's feeling. So I just try to stay consistent with bedtime and naps and hope his sttn stretches get longer as he gets older.

Chargersgrl33 · August 2012

You have to go with what works for you. We sleep trained at around 6 1/2 months and it was really only because he was waking for comfort, not to eat.

I have a friend who has an almost 13 month old that still wakes 2-4 times a night. She's a SAHM so it works for her because they can sleep-in in the morning. I can't do that, I'm up at 4:45 working out and getting ready for work.

Everyone is different. If you want baby to STTN you could try some sort of sleep training. If you are ok with it then just keep up what you are doing. No one can tell you what is right for you.

NMW071000 · August 2012

Guess who slept from 8:00 - 6:00 without a single fuss?

Sigh.

Had I knew complaining to a board of internet friends would be so effective, I would have done it months ago.

We've done a little bit of Ferber, but the pacifier thing was just throwing me for a loop. Thanks for the advice, ladies! You're the best.

mjune3881 · August 2012

Ok no tips but I actually count this as sleeping through the night. Just waking for a couple times for a paci and no bottle/nursing sessions and going right back to sleep is great. I think eventually he will learn to reach for the paci and do it himself.

MrsKM82 · August 2012

I'm 30 and I still don't stay asleep the entire night. I always wake up a few times to move around, drink water, etc. Have you tried a Wubbanub? It might help your son find the paci on his own and help soothe himself back to sleep.

https://www.amazon.com/Wubbanub-Infant-Plush-Toy-Pacifier/dp/B0028IDXDS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1344099391&sr=8-2&keywords=wubbanub

You could also try waiting a few minutes before going in to see if he falls asleep on his own.

jaymiegerard · August 2012

Want to feel a lot better? My 11 month old wakes 6-8 times a night, every night.

We have tried everything, including Ferber, but his personality is strong and I decided it's not for us.

Slowly, the wakings have gone DOWN from 10 to 7 on average, and I am doing all I can (without crying) to encourage him to soothe himself.

I don't listen to anyone who gives me advice. My son is atypical, and I am fine with that. He is not a great sleeper, but he's a great everything elser, and if the worse thing he does is go through a year or two of frequent night waking, I can live with that!

Do what you feel is best for YOUR baby. You're not wrong - you're the perfect parent for your child, and he chose you for a reason!

CalinsBride · August 2012

My DD is almost 10 months and still doesn't STTN, and my DS didn't STTN until he was 15 months.

apeydawn214 · August 2012

My 9 month old still doesnt sttn either. She's up about 4 times a night for a pacifier, once for a bottle. The pedi told us to take the night time bottle from her. We tried and she cried uncontrollably for about 30 minutes until we got one for her.

My mother is constantly telling me how she should be sttn. My MIL swears she sttn when she has her. Of course it makes me feel inadequate also, but DD is mine and I'm ok with whatever stage she's in.

You're definitely not alone.

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