Depressing CLICKY about registering (warning: sad)

ILoveRedVino · July 2012

We have a 50 percent chance that baby will be still born.[Poll]

MelleTX · July 2012

I am so very sorry you are having to go through with this. I would still register as it will help you focus and stay positive, but I would not make your registry public. You can keep it private until you get a better answer or you deliver.

ladybugpjb · July 2012

MelleTX:
I am so very sorry you are having to go through with this. I would still register as it will help you focus and stay positive, but I would not make your registry public. You can keep it private until you get a better answer or you deliver.

I agree with this.

Also, you'll get a registry completion coupon for anything on your registry. Even if you don't share the registry with anyone, you'd still be able to use that coupon to get what you need.

On the other hand, the stores where you register may send email/mail after your due date (coupons, etc.). I really really hope LO is born healthy, but if not, you might want to have someone check your email/mail to filter that stuff out if it would be painful for you to see it.

I sincerely hope and pray that LO is born healthy!

Cranang · July 2012

Well, I can answer this with some authority. Though my daughter's stillbirth was completely unexpected, in retrospect I probably wouldn't have registered. One, at BRU, it's damned near impossible to get rid of the registry, and as much as you want to not look at it, I found myself doing just that. Two, coming home empty-handed from the hospital was rough enough. Seeing all of her things there was unbearable. When I went into the house, I lost it. I made my husband get everything out before I'd go back in. We donated all of it to a women's shelter. I wanted someone to make good use of it, since I couldn't. However, I couldn't look at it. Babies need so few things the first few days--food, a carseat, etc. Nothing that honestly can't be purchased by your husband in an half hour trip to BRU while you're in the hospital.

I am sorry that you're having to live with this uncertainty. I sincerely hope that your child is born healthy and thriving. I won't say anything else, but if you'd like to talk, please feel free to PM me. I will be thinking of you often.

blush64 · July 2012

Register but don't tell anyone until after the baby is born. I know someone who has gone through something similar with a sad ending and it's been very hard for her dealing with a pile of baby stuff.

EDIT I am really sorry you are going though something like this. This is something no one should have to deal with. You know yourself, just do what you think you can handle no matter the outcome.

jeffsjayme · July 2012

I don't have any advice, but I am sorry that you're going through with this. I don't think there's any right or wrong answer here. PP who has been through this had great advice.

MCookie816 · July 2012

Cranang:
Well, I can answer this with some authority. Though my daughter's stillbirth was completely unexpected, in retrospect I probably wouldn't have registered. One, at BRU, it's damned near impossible to get rid of the registry, and as much as you want to not look at it, I found myself doing just that. Two, coming home empty-handed from the hospital was rough enough. Seeing all of her things there was unbearable. When I went into the house, I lost it. I made my husband get everything out before I'd go back in. We donated all of it to a women's shelter. I wanted someone to make good use of it, since I couldn't. However, I couldn't look at it. Babies need so few things the first few days--food, a carseat, etc. Nothing that honestly can't be purchased by your husband in an half hour trip to BRU while you're in the hospital.

I am sorry that you're having to live with this uncertainty. I sincerely hope that your child is born healthy and thriving. I won't say anything else, but if you'd like to talk, please feel free to PM me. I will be thinking of you often.

I voted yes but after reading this comment I can see that I may have been completely wrong and that someone who has experienced this would definitely know better. Cranang I am so so sorry for your loss.

To OP, I wholeheartedly hope that your LO will be born healthy and continues to be healthy and that you can then have all the fun shopping later without all of this stress on your shoulders.

Cranang · July 2012

Everyone is different, and some women had a sense of peace having a nursery set up, etc. I did not fall in that camp. I found other ways to remember her and incorporate her into our lives. Having an empty room with unused clothes and baby gear set me off.

OP, I think if people know your situation, the gifts will be pouring in very soon after the birth of your baby. If you wanted to register, I would keep it private. But again, be warned that you'll be receiving a ton of emails, snail mail, etc because of that registry. I found a way around it...I went in, and changed all of the information. I set up a fake email specifically to change the info to. I gave a false physical address and an old disconnected phone number. I deleted all of the items off the registry so that it was blank. I'm not being pessimistic...just realistic. I just don't want anyone to end up in the emotional sh!tstorm I went through.

Keep a positive attitude though and enjoy your pregnancy as best you can. Again, I will be thinking of you a lot.

sadie+w · July 2012

I don't have advice, but just wanted to say I am sorry for your situation. T&p's for a healthy lo!

The_Jen626 · July 2012

RedVino-I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. I believe you are local to Oregon right? My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family over these next few months.

eav2c · July 2012

Op, I am so terribly sorry you're dealing with this. I will be keeping you in my T&P's. I wish I could do something to help. Hang in there.

PunkyBooster · August 2012

Thoughts and prayers to you.

I chose register but ask that people don't buy gifts until after the baby is born. And FWIW, I had a friend lose her baby late term and I hardly expect her to return my gift. Maybe she needed to donate it, or keep it for keepsake, or save it for future babies, but it would never cross my mind to expect her to return it.

bklynbmp · August 2012

Its probably better to be positive and assume the best but if it were me, Id probably wait for lots of reasons.

So sorry you have to go through this and wishing all the best for you and your LO.

Edited to add: That if I gave a gift to someone in this situation I would never ever expect them to return it. I just wouldn't want to have to deal with the stuff.

ILoveRedVino · August 2012

The_Jen626:
RedVino-I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. I believe you are local to Oregon right? My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family over these next few months.

Yes, I'm in Oregon. Thank you.

ILoveRedVino · August 2012

Cranang:

Well, I can answer this with some authority. Though my daughter's stillbirth was completely unexpected, in retrospect I probably wouldn't have registered. One, at BRU, it's damned near impossible to get rid of the registry, and as much as you want to not look at it, I found myself doing just that. Two, coming home empty-handed from the hospital was rough enough. Seeing all of her things there was unbearable. When I went into the house, I lost it. I made my husband get everything out before I'd go back in. We donated all of it to a women's shelter. I wanted someone to make good use of it, since I couldn't. However, I couldn't look at it. Babies need so few things the first few days--food, a carseat, etc. Nothing that honestly can't be purchased by your husband in an half hour trip to BRU while you're in the hospital.

I am sorry that you're having to live with this uncertainty. I sincerely hope that your child is born healthy and thriving. I won't say anything else, but if you'd like to talk, please feel free to PM me. I will be thinking of you often.

Thank you for your response, and I am so, so sorry for your experience. I hope you're doing ok.

Cranang · August 2012

ILoveRedVino:
Cranang:

Well, I can answer this with some authority. Though my daughter's stillbirth was completely unexpected, in retrospect I probably wouldn't have registered. One, at BRU, it's damned near impossible to get rid of the registry, and as much as you want to not look at it, I found myself doing just that. Two, coming home empty-handed from the hospital was rough enough. Seeing all of her things there was unbearable. When I went into the house, I lost it. I made my husband get everything out before I'd go back in. We donated all of it to a women's shelter. I wanted someone to make good use of it, since I couldn't. However, I couldn't look at it. Babies need so few things the first few days--food, a carseat, etc. Nothing that honestly can't be purchased by your husband in an half hour trip to BRU while you're in the hospital.

I am sorry that you're having to live with this uncertainty. I sincerely hope that your child is born healthy and thriving. I won't say anything else, but if you'd like to talk, please feel free to PM me. I will be thinking of you often.

Thank you for your response, and I am so, so sorry for your experience. I hope you're doing ok.

I am doing as well as one can expect. :-) I don't mean to be cryptic, but it's something I live with everyday. Some days are better than others. It doesn't get easier per se...it becomes something you live with. I have two daughters...one at home, one in heaven. That's my life. I am very happy, but I carry a sadness with me always.

Please keep us up to date on here. I don't know where to look for your updates on other boards...or again, PM me.

EgoCommaAlter · August 2012

SS here.

I too am sorry to hear of your situation and hope and pray you bring home a healthy baby.

That said, I'd register, let people know (or even just tell a few ppl you're close to) the situation. If the worst happens, have one of your "inner circle" (not your husband) go to your house and pack away the baby stuff.

I say this bc my youngest came early, before we had diapers bought, the crib set up, ANYTHING done. Having my DH MIA for most of my hospital stay bc he was getting preemie stuff bought, nursery set up, car seat dug up from the bowels of the attic, etc, really kind of sucked.

feistybear · August 2012

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this That said I would register (if that was your original plan) and just have the shower after baby boy is born. Stay positive! Hopefully all will be fine!

Thoughts and prayers with your family.

zmoss · August 2012

Hi,

I'm not sure what I would do in your situation, probably not register. Still I hope that you are well and I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

RachieTK · August 2012

So sorry for you dealing with this. I would not register. I didn't let anything in the house until DS was born.

Liz4444 · August 2012

Iloveredvino, I have no real good advice for you. If it were me, I don't think I could bear coming home to things if the worst were to happen. I am so sorry you are in this situation and my thoughts are with you. I wish you and your family all the best and nothing but happiness.

BLPL101 · August 2012

My SIL's sister was in a similar situation. She registered and had a shower like everyone else. Her DS is now 2 years old. I would probably do the same as she did if I was in that situation.

PrimRoseMama · August 2012

I am so sorry, RedVino. I hope your little fighter makes it out & into your arms to see you alive. I would register but let friends/family know about your special circumstances to hold off on buying gifts until you know baby is here safely.

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