how long to conceive post on PG>35

owlprof · August 2012

Holy crap, do I feel like more of a failure now! There is a post on PG>35 that asks how long it took people to conceive. I looked over there out of curiosity and have to admit that I was pretty amazed at the short amount of time it took most people -- lots under 6 cycles and many 2-4 cycles.

I know there is selection bias, as all of those ladies *are* pregnant, but I really thought there would be more people with IF and long wait times in the post.

Note to self: STOP LURKING!

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

Yup, that's why I had to post a response to give the other perspective of being the worst of the worst. Two years ago I was a little hesitant to start TTC because I wanted a June baby and not a May baby. I mean, really? Who did I think I was?

annalisel · August 2012

First, it's not that you are a failure, it's just that you fell on the wrong side of the odds by chance. There's no moral or effort issues involved.

I'm a numbers and trends person. So second, it seems to me after all this time, that most couples, no matter their age, get pregnant in the first 3-4 months. It's not that it takes longer to get pregnant when you are older, it's that you are more likely to fall into the category that can't get pregnant when you are older. Basically, if you're not pregnant by then it's unlikely to happen. (Gundy was a recent exception at 7 months.) If you are 37 or under, doctors can probably help, but not always. If you are 38 and older, it's worth trying, but you won't get a baby unless you are in the lucky minority.

Third, stop lurking. It's not helpful.

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

dhreczuck · August 2012

I know people get curious, but it seems like such an odd question to me to ask in the first place because it's such an individual thing, just because someone else took 2 cycles has absolutely no bearing on one person's success to the next. And conceiving and actually giving birth are two totally seperate things, ie my siggy..

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

annalisel:

First, it's not that you are a failure, it's just that you fell on the wrong side of the odds by chance. There's no moral or effort issues involved.

I'm a numbers and trends person. So second, it seems to me after all this time, that most couples, no matter their age, get pregnant in the first 3-4 months. It's not that it takes longer to get pregnant when you are older, it's that you are more likely to fall into the category that can't get pregnant when you are older. Basically, if you're not pregnant by then it's unlikely to happen. (Gundy was a recent exception at 7 months.) If you are 37 or under, doctors can probably help, but not always. If you are 38 and older, it's worth trying, but you won't get a baby unless you are in the lucky minority.

Third, stop lurking. It's not helpful.

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

Cheering loudly!

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

dhreczuck:
I know people get curious, but it seems like such an odd question to me to ask in the first place because it's such an individual thing, just because someone else took 2 cycles has absolutely no bearing on one person's success to the next. And conceiving and actually giving birth are two totally seperate things, ie my siggy..

Sad but so true. I've seen some horrible things in the last 2 years and it amazes me that newly PG women are off to register the second they see 2 lines.

6to82010 · August 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
annalisel:

First, it's not that you are a failure, it's just that you fell on the wrong side of the odds by chance. There's no moral or effort issues involved.

I'm a numbers and trends person. So second, it seems to me after all this time, that most couples, no matter their age, get pregnant in the first 3-4 months. It's not that it takes longer to get pregnant when you are older, it's that you are more likely to fall into the category that can't get pregnant when you are older. Basically, if you're not pregnant by then it's unlikely to happen. (Gundy was a recent exception at 7 months.) If you are 37 or under, doctors can probably help, but not always. If you are 38 and older, it's worth trying, but you won't get a baby unless you are in the lucky minority.

Third, stop lurking. It's not helpful.

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

Cheering loudly!

Did I miss something? Didn't see a pregnancy related issue.
Yeah - good numbers crunch. Guess I fall on the majority side.

danieleandwayne · August 2012

If there's one thing I've learned from this all, is that THERE IS NO NUMBERS GAME. It just is what it is. Yes, there are numbers, but there is a reason that the saying "figures lie and liars figure" exists.

I have so many friends who had trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant and they're all under 33 years old. And I have a ton of friends who have gotten pregnant at 35+ with very little intervention, if any at all. Very few of my friends have had trouble getting pregnant at 35+ with help.

So screw the numbers. All that matters is what each individual woman's experience is.

After having all my expectations crushed and shredded and stamped on, I've decided that trends and numbers and statistics have no meaning for me at this point. I'm only interested in my own numbers.

Well, and y'all's numbers because I really want all of you wonderful women to get pregnant.

dhreczuck · August 2012

danieleandwayne:

If there's one thing I've learned from this all, is that THERE IS NO NUMBERS GAME. It just is what it is. Yes, there are numbers, but there is a reason that the saying "figures lie and liars figure" exists.

I have so many friends who had trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant and they're all under 33 years old. And I have a ton of friends who have gotten pregnant at 35+ with very little intervention, if any at all. Very few of my friends have had trouble getting pregnant at 35+ with help.

So screw the numbers. All that matters is what each individual woman's experience is.

After having all my expectations crushed and shredded and stamped on, I've decided that trends and numbers and statistics have no meaning for me at this point. I'm only interested in my own numbers.

Well, and y'all's numbers because I really want all of you wonderful women to get pregnant.

So true, my Dr. stated it best when he said statistics are just there to make Drs. look like they can predict outcomes but at the end of the day no one has the ability to do that.

robbensm · August 2012

danieleandwayne:

So screw the numbers.

As always your eloquent way with words has ecoed my sentiments exactly.

I love that we have this forum to vent, reassure, comfort, celebrate, laugh, and share but in the end we all on our own personal journey and no two journeys will ever be the same.

BeckyP005 · August 2012

I read that post. I'm glad McIrish posted something. Your not a failure...it's just bad luck of the draw

Some are lucky and some are not.....sigh

annalisel · August 2012

6to82010:
Mrs.McIrish:
annalisel:

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

Cheering loudly!
Did I miss something? Didn't see a pregnancy related issue.
Yeah - good numbers crunch. Guess I fall on the majority side.

My apologies to owlprof and anyone else if this came across as a rebuke. I read the post as generally about the pregnancy >35 board and my #4 was meant to be a comment about the purpose of that board.

10-4LilBuddy · August 2012

I don't usually lurk over there and that post really depressed me. Like McIrish, I had held off on TTC waaaaaay back when because I wanted have my baby in the Year of the Rabbit. Now I just want a baby - zodiac compatibility be damned.

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

10-4LilBuddy:
I don't usually lurk over there and that post really depressed me. Like McIrish, I had held off on TTC waaaaaay back when because I wanted have my baby in the Year of the Rabbit. Now I just want a baby - zodiac compatibility be damned.

This made me spit out my diet coke! lol

mtlaurel · August 2012

I didn't open the post because I didn't want to depress myself or fill myself with bitter anger. We started trying a few months before we got married because I thought it might take a little time, you know, like 6 months. Joke's on me, 26 months later. Embarrassed

Llamamama · August 2012

I saw the post too and felt like I was slapped in the face. It is so disheartening to see those who did it in just a few cycles.

But I hope those of us who have been TTC for an eternity will still beat the odds!

Mayzie15 · August 2012

mtlaurel:
I didn't open the post because I didn't want to depress myself or fill myself with bitter anger. We started trying a few months before we got married because I thought it might take a little time, you know, like 6 months. Joke's on me, 26 months later.[:]

THIS!!!

Mayzie15 · August 2012

mtlaurel:
I didn't open the post because I didn't want to depress myself or fill myself with bitter anger. We started trying a few months before we got married because I thought it might take a little time, you know, like 6 months. Joke's on me, 26 months later.[:]

THIS!!!

happywifemomofone · August 2012

I have not read the post on PG > 35, and not sure that I am going to. I agree with pp that although all of our journey's have similarites, they also detour off in many different directions at many different times. I remember that when I started IVF, noone here was doing the same.....that sure has changed! Wish that this journey wasn't so long and difficult for so many of us. Although, I take comfort in knowing that I'm not on this journey alone-and hopefully if I ever make it to the other board, there will be others there who know of my journey and cheer on my success. I know if I ever make it there, I will be watching for the other ladies from here to join that board.....and will be the loudest cheerleader of all for everyone!!

irishgirl0525 · August 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
Yup, that's why I had to post a response to give the other perspective of being the worst of the worst. Two years ago I was a little hesitant to start TTC because I wanted a June baby and not a May baby. I mean, really? Who did I think I was?

This. I can't believe I considered timing things so that it didn't interfere with my new job. Whatever. Once it became apparent that this wasn't going to happen easily, I got over it, although I do have to plan around when I am going to be so busy that a cycle would be a waste.

Also, I totally agree with dhrezcuk about getting pregnant and having a baby are 2 different totally different things. As are starting an IVF cycle and actually making it to retrieval, having a retrieval and making it to transfer.

It's so MFing frustrating all the hurdles involved.

SCSmith2011 · August 2012

annalisel:

First, it's not that you are a failure, it's just that you fell on the wrong side of the odds by chance. There's no moral or effort issues involved.

I'm a numbers and trends person. So second, it seems to me after all this time, that most couples, no matter their age, get pregnant in the first 3-4 months. It's not that it takes longer to get pregnant when you are older, it's that you are more likely to fall into the category that can't get pregnant when you are older. Basically, if you're not pregnant by then it's unlikely to happen. (Gundy was a recent exception at 7 months.) If you are 37 or under, doctors can probably help, but not always. If you are 38 and older, it's worth trying, but you won't get a baby unless you are in the lucky minority.

Third, stop lurking. It's not helpful.

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

Crying

gundy21 · August 2012

TICKER WARNING - and lurking...

annalisel:

First, it's not that you are a failure, it's just that you fell on the wrong side of the odds by chance. There's no moral or effort issues involved.

I'm a numbers and trends person. So second, it seems to me after all this time, that most couples, no matter their age, get pregnant in the first 3-4 months. It's not that it takes longer to get pregnant when you are older, it's that you are more likely to fall into the category that can't get pregnant when you are older. Basically, if you're not pregnant by then it's unlikely to happen. (Gundy was a recent exception at 7 months.) If you are 37 or under, doctors can probably help, but not always. If you are 38 and older, it's worth trying, but you won't get a baby unless you are in the lucky minority.

Third, stop lurking. It's not helpful.

Four, for the love of all that is good, if you have a pregnancy issue, even an early pregnancy issue/fears, please, please, please post it on the pregnancy board rather than here. You can post a link to your update on the pregnancy board. People do it all the time.

We were actually at 11 months. I am thinking now I might fall in that catagory of women where an HSG helps to clear things out - even tho they weren't able to complete the procedure. And the results in that thread surprised me - I thought I was more of the "norm" - taking up to 1 year....

MAtoNC · August 2012

DS mentioned****

I have lurked (and sometimes posted) on that board since I was pregnant with my son in 2009. I see these kinds of posts come up there often. Or the posts that say "I don't know why they say its harder to conceive after 35. I'm 41, and got pregnant the first month of trying..."

It does feel like a slap in the face, and at first the posts came across as smug to me, but I have come to realize that they are just naive. Or lucky.

Some of those posts are initiated by women who are in early 1st trimester (like 6 or 7 weeks), and I cringe when I see them. I always hold back from posting because I don't want to scare anyone over there.

We TTC'd during my October, December, January, and February cycles this past year. We conceived TWICE. That is a 50% success rate. We lost both of those pregnancies. One was an early loss in the 7th week after h/b was detected (low and measuring behind) and one was ectopic. Conceiving is just the first hurdle for a 40+ woman. When I see a newly pregnant woman posting over there about what a sinch it was to get pregnant, and what's the big deal...I say a little prayer for them and hope that things continue to go smoothly for the next 9 months.

I think that the TTC35+ and the TTCAL boards are such a blessing. The graduating women on these boards go into their pregnancies with their eyes wide open because they are educated by participating in the board. I was heartbroken with my first loss, but prepared because of the wonderful ladies here.

MelleTX · August 2012

***Ticker Warning***

I have just never felt all that comfortable on that board. I do visit and post occasionally, but it's not what I thought it would be. I was so excited to move from here to there (same goes for IF to PAIF) and all it did was feel like I was losing my boards, not gaining new ones.

Truthfully, I mostly hang out on the Mulitples and Baby Showers boards because those are two I don't have to "graduate" from.

I really, really miss this board. It was my home for so long. (sad face)

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