No gender/sex reveal until shower?
cutie9621
member
I need your help ladies. I am having a shower and so thankful for it. I posted earlier on this board about how my church does showers for every member and they are usually huge. I am grateful for this celebration and any gift we may be given. That is not the question.
I was warned by three different mothers not to reveal the gender of our child to the church until after the shower. The reason they gave is because the only thing they recieved was clothing. One girl said there were three items out of fifty that were not clothing. There is not a "baby" store anywhere near the church and where the ladies live so they go to the local dollar stores and get clothing.
I'm not sure that with holding the gender will stop this. Another girl supposedly did it and recieved more of the items she needed and less clothing. I guess my question is this...
It is rude to with hold the gender in order to get more people to buy things we need instead of clothing?
I'm really not sure what to do in this situation. We don't mind keeping the gender to ourselves for a while and we don't mind giving it away.
Re: No gender/sex reveal until shower?
Well, let me sum up what you just said.
So, you're worried that you're going to get a bunch of clothing from the dollar store instead of all the other stuff you want. In order to avoid this, you're thinking about purposefully keeping the sex of the baby a secret so that they'll be "forced" to buy something else that you deem better.
Well, no one will know about it. So I guess do it if you're looking for other people to outfit your kid. Just doesn't seem like the sentiment is in the right place. If you're truly grateful for the shower, then any gift given, whether a brand new Orbit stroller or a onesie from the dollar store, should be just fine. But apparently it's not. The other mothers you've talked to regarding this sound like real peaches.
We had our gender reveal baby shower Saturday. We got a variety of things! From diapers & wipes, to - shower/care items (baby soap/lotion, baby towels/rags, nail clippers, emery boards, to infant hangers for the clothes. A couple people guessed and bought onsies for boy/girl. and most of the blankets we got were gender neutral.
I wouldn't change my normal behavior in an effort to get a certain kind of gift. If you were going to share,then share.
Practically it would seem to me that anyone who is going to buy you clothing from the dollar store would do so regardless of gender. So wouldn't you rather have gender specific clothing than neutral items anyway?
People will buy you what they want to no matter if you reveal it or not. If I wasn't told the gender then I would just buy some clothing that was gender neutral. In my experience people are generally pretty good at buying the cutsie baby things but then throwing in something you actually need.
In my opinion yes it's a tad rude because you are almost crossing the line into telling your guests what to give to you as a gift.
I'm gonna go ahead and agree with you that I wouldn't want a bunch of dollar store clothes for my baby either. But I think that's the problem with churches planning huge showers for every single pregnant person in the congregation. People aren't going to care enough/be able toa fford to get everyone a decent gift
If I were you, I would go ahead and share the sex if you were planning to, and go into this shower not expecting any useful gifts at all; just enjoy the punch and cookies and donate any clothes you don't want to Goodwill.
This. Your post gave me a really icky feeling.
Agreed. Tell if you were planning to tell, don't if you weren't. Don't base the decision on the gifts you'll get.
This, I'm also guessing that no matter what, they are going to be getting you things from the dollar store and not from your registry. Say thank you, eat some cake and buy your own necessities.
I agree with this.
Honestly, imo it's kind of a douchebag thing to do, holding out on the gender until after the shower because you want "better" gifts.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
All of the above...baby clothes are baby clothes no matter where they are from but if you are going to rude already you might as well just ask for money and buy it all yourself . Just a suggestion...
Also, I am not putting clothing on my registery. I just assume I'll get clothing anyway.
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Hey now, I have gotten many things from the dollar store!
Also I have to say that I know MANY people that buy their children stuff from the dollar store and do not depend on others for necessities.
Like another woman posted, eat your cake, say thank you and be grateful
OK...I guess I'm going to disagree with most everyone in this post. I would not reveal the gender. Not because I don't want dollar store clothes (although I have bought them and they are useless, not to size and shrink horribly) but because it is good to get gender neutral things (clothes, bibs, blankets, utensils, grooming things, etc) so they can be used for the opposite gender if there are other children. People can purchase gender neutral clothing or whatnot at the dollar store too...although you ladies must have some fantastic dollar stores because the ones we have (Dollar Tree) mostly has crap clothes and EVERYTHING is made in China! I wouldn't even donate toys made in China so I certainly wouldn't allow my child to play with them (especially tiny babies who chew on things).
I was team green so no one (including ourselves) knew the gender of our kids. It wasn't a big deal that guests didn't know. After our LO's were born we got plenty of gender specific things (homemade quilts and afghans, plus clothing).
I just think that, knowing the sex or not, it is a church baby shower... They do this for everyone and she probably doesn't know a lot of these people intimately. So, it would be probable that these people are not going to be spending a lot of money on her. And, if they had gotten items from the dollar store for other people's showers previously, that's probably going to be where they are getting this gift as well.
I see what you mean as far as their past buying habits but I don't see that it means she should give up her baby's gender. Of course if she tells ANYONE in the church all will know anyway and it will be a mute point. I guess I don't think it is rude, douchie, or anything like that not to reveal her baby's gender. My reason for not revealing would be so I DON'T get gender specific items.
This is what DH and I are planning to do. It makes the shower so much more special and this way we can have our whole family celebrating and not just woman. For us the baby shower isnt about the gifts but getting to celebrate a new life and share the gender of our baby.
I understood where you were coming from until you made the "clothes from the dollar store" comment. Baby clothes are baby clothes, and you sound snobby when you referenced them being from the dollar store.
Since the church does one for every baby, then I wouldn't be expecting a bouncer, stroller, or baby carrier anyway - those are expensive items. However, a more inexpensive outfit can cost around $10, as can other baby essentials like a bottle or two or a small pack of washcloths. However, it is more "fun" for people to buy clothes. If there is no baby store in your area, I would also imagine this is a reason for your congregation mainly going to the dollar store - it is more convenient.
If you really don't want lots of clothes, then go ahead and wait to reveal the gender - but know that you will likely either end up with lots of gender neutral clothes, or that people will still buy things from the dollar store since your registry is so far away - so you likely will still end up with not what you wanted.
Thanks for the answers everyone. I completely agree that it is a little rude to not reveal the gender in order to get non clothing items. I was trying to get some backup.
By saying dollar stores I was just describing the types of stores, not saying that getting anything from those stores is bad.