Things I will never...

reb259 · August 2012

Ok so I am feeling a little down today so humor me. Last night I was thinking about all the things I will never experience and sadness, bitterness, and anger just washed over me. Below are a few of my favorites...feel free to add any you have!

I will never hear my child say I love you

I will never hear a child call me Mom

I will never be a grandmother

I will never celebrate a Mother's day

I will never to the same person I was before TTC

Hugs ladies...seems like it has been a difficult month or so on our board. I hope more of us start getting some good news!!

vanessagorc · August 2012

I really hope u are able to experience those things. What really saddens me, is that not everyone does succeed.

At the risk of sounding really cheesy, if u do make it out the other end...it does soften the blow of everything we did to get there IMO. I remember just how low i really got, and it just almost seems like an out of body experience now. I just really hope and pray that EVERYONE gets that opportunity.

Edwina.McDunnough · August 2012

vanessagorc:
I really hope u are able to experience those things. What really saddens me, is that not everyone does succeed.

At the risk of sounding really cheesy, if u do make it out the other end...it does soften the blow of everything we did to get there IMO. I remember just how low i really got, and it just almost seems like an out of body experience now. I just really hope and pray that EVERYONE gets that opportunity.

me too. HUGE HUGS !!

Mrs.McIrish · August 2012

I will never wonder if my child will have my eyes...(or anything else for that matter)..

Hugs. It just blows. I don't understand why some people can't see that and think we are being exclusive.

STL34 · August 2012

((HUGE HUGS))

may2806 · August 2012

((HUGS))

I will hopefully get to experience those things through adoption, but I'm really sad about:

I will never feel my baby kicking inside of me.

I will never know the joy and excitement of going into labor and giving birth.

I will never experience the bonding of breastfeeding.

I will never have my husband put his hand on my tummy to feel the baby inside.

I will never see a baby that is part me and part my husband.

I will never feel that after everything I went through, I finally had success.

ked1068 · August 2012

may2806:
((HUGS))
I will hopefully get to experience those things through adoption, but I'm really sad about:
I will never feel my baby kicking inside of me.
I will never know the joy and excitement of going into labor and giving birth.
I will never experience the bonding of breastfeeding.
I will never have my husband put his hand on my tummy to feel the baby inside.
I will never see a baby that is part me and part my husband.
I will never feel that after everything I went through, I finally had success.

This is EXACTLY what I would put in my list if I were to create a list! While adoption is a wonderful thing, there are still so many little things I will never get to do. Hugs to you, May!

Roxie5739 · August 2012

This is all so sad. During my last few weeks I created a list similiar to this but also added things about IVF and how it has changed me, how not having a LO will forever change me. It is again, too sad to share. I can add to this list:

I will never see my LO have kids of their own and not have to experience IF

I will never see my LO on their first day of school, first time riding a bike

I will never see my LO........

Mitzi Bishi · August 2012

Sorry you're hitting one of those tough times. It is so incredibly difficult and I'd love to say it gets better, but there is no way that all you've been through wouldn't impact you long term. Even if you had success it doesn't take the tarnish that IF leaves behind.

I once read something that resonated with me. Admittedly it sounded a bit hokey at first, but consider writing a letter to that child of your dreams. Write all of those things out, grieve it all, and then tuck it away, burn it, or do whatever you need for some relief.

Also, perhaps you can focus on the things you can do and will do to honor your own life. I know it's not the same as the things you envisioned doing in your lifetime, but it doesn't mean you can't create new dreams, too.

I wish so much that I could help you. It's incredible how contradictory this world is to tell others how being a parent is a defining life moment and then for nearly all compassion to disappear as soon as someone deals with IF.

((hugs, reb))

reb259 · August 2012

Thanks for all the responses. For those that added to my list, you are not alone...I feel your sadness. I am here for any of you! I do hope we all make it to the other side whether it is thru adpotion, DE/DS/GC, IVF, IUI...and any other I left off the list. For me I think this is my way of starting the process of preparing to live child free. There is nothing I wish for more than to have a family. Unfortunately that dream seems to be becoming less of a reality.

As we all say some days are better than others...yesterday and today have been one of those "other"

rockpaperlove · August 2012

Some days are more difficult than others for me. Some days I can shield my broken IF heart and focus on the goodness that still remains in my CFNBC life, but then there are those days where my world feels shattered into itty bitty pieces.

The wandering thoughts that trigger the mourning days:

1. Family celebrations through the eyes of our LO.

2. Bedtime storytime curled under the covers with our LO.

3. After labor/delivery, the first time DH holds our LO.

4. The empty room that should be the nursery of our LO.

I am sorry you are having a tough day Reb. The disappointing thoughts can be so very painful. Try to do something special for yourself today to help the heartache. Hugs.

AmCheri · August 2012

Hugs sweetie, and to all of the great women who have responded. I've been out of town for a while now, on vacay. What infertile wouldn't enjoy Dis..ney the happiest place on earth, right?! I fit right in, of course. Sitting here watching lots of families. Can't help but notice the remarkable physical similarities. Feeling all of the things you're feeling, reb. And it sucks. Hugs to all.

mtlaurel · August 2012

Burp

mtlaurel · August 2012

Hugs, reb, may and everyone else down these days. I started crying while picking blueberries the other night because I couldn't stop thinking that I will never have a child to share my garden chores and goodies with.

mdluv21 · August 2012

Just want to offer ((hugs)) and say that I wish more than anything that you ladies get to experience those things.

BeeBee08 · August 2012

((Hugs))

I will never make my in-laws as happy as my SIL has made them or my step-sister has made my Dad.

I will never make my Mom a Grandmother.

I will never make my husband a Father.

I will never feel like all of my accomplishments are something to celebrate because deep down I am a failure at the only thing that really matters in life.

I am feeling your lows reb. Hang in there.

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