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How long should we wait to contact?

only1leiaonly1leia member
in LGBT Parenting
My partner and I are in the beginning stages of getting pregnant.  We are using a known donor, and just found a guy that has agreed to do it.  We had our first meeting a week and a half ago just clearing the air, asking each other questions, making sure both parties know what is expected.  What is a good "waiting time" so we don't seem like we are desperate (even though we've both wanted a baby for years!)?
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Re: How long should we wait to contact?

  • LolaBelle515LolaBelle515 member

    Hard to know---you wrote that the donor has "agreed to do it" but want to know how long to wait before contacting him again?  Are you worried he'll change his mind? 

    For us, the key to our known donor relationship has been open, open, open communication.  I would contact him and ask how long he needs before moving to the next step.  Tell him you want to know if/when he has questions/doubts/concerns, etc...that way, you can trust if there are things he isn't telling you.

    If he's ready, I don't see a need to wait too long before finding a lawyer/filling out a contract.

    Congrats!!!   

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  • only1leiaonly1leia member
    Thanks for the input!  I don't think he will change his mind, but he was surprised at how prepared we were with everything when we met, after he said he would do it.  We gave him a health wellness/genetic background form to look over and fill out as much as possible, and thought we would wait for him to go through it, but both of us are so anxious to finally get the ball rolling, so to speak.  I just didn't want to be that annoying person who doesn't give a person adequate time to get prepared, so I wanted advice to make sure I wasn't pressuring him or anything.
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  • 2moms2b2moms2b member

    When we first ttc we used a known donor.  Once our KD committed we decided together that everyone would take two weeks to process and we would meet again to talk about any concerns.  We also made it very clear that at anytime if our KD changed their mind or had questions to please tell us and it would honestly be no hard feelings if they told us no.  After the couple week cool off period we met again and we were all still a go.  We discussed the rest of the terms both parties wanted and decided to proceed.  We took one more cycle off (I felt better giving one more buffer period after contracts were signed just in case) and then proceeded to try for 12 months.  It was honestly a lot lower stress than I anticipated but that was due to a very open line of communication.

    This is honestly one area of my life I would not proceed with if I had any doubts with the KD situation.  Especially in a state like mine where there are no protections for me and my partner and contracts are not legal in court when pertaining to a child conceived yet or not.  In the end this is why we went with a cryo lab this ttc time around.

    Wish you the best of luck and a clear, open line of communication with your donor!

    M & M
    06/12 - BFP!!!!
    Beta #1 15dpo - 256
    Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
    6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
    EDD 02/21/13
    09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
    Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks. photo F489900B-BB44-4C44-ACD1-ABB73509E3B2-9032-000005E7AE7EF53E.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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