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filxoxo
member
When does LO stay overnight?
filxoxo
member
LO's father lives 2.5 hours away. He comes and sees her for 3-4 hours once a week. She's only a month old but with his work schedule and mine, this seems to be how visits are going to stay for the most part. I'm wondering, if he is only seeing her for a few hours once a week, when would LO know him well enough for overnights? Is one year about the normal time for this? I know when she is older I should eventually be taking her to his place so she can get familiarized. Should I start with him taking her out for a couple hours on his own (when would she be old enough for that??) And because of the distance (which I know isn't crazy far, but it's still a lot of traveling for a little nugget!), is her staying just one night at a time realistic?
Sorry the questions are so scattered haha. And I know these sorts of visits won't take place for a while but I'm already feeling the separation anxiety and I haven't even had to leave her yet! I am breastfeeding but I'm having production problems so I may or may not be breast feeding (if that matters).
BEAN *06/29/2012*
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Re: When does LO stay overnight?
BEAN *06/29/2012*
I personally think that it is better for her to stay overnight earlier. As long as there are clear rules about bedtimes, feedings,etc and he follows them. The older they get the harder it is for them to go back and forth. At least it has been so in my case. My DD has such a hard time when she goes to her dads and comes back. She really wont leave my side and wont stop crying when she comes back. It breaks MY heart each time.
As far as driving I guess I would try to work that out equally. We just went to court and I put it in the agreement we had to meet at a McDonalds b.c I did not want him in my home and also he was often 1-7 HOURS late coming to get the kids. So it also went in there that if he is more than 30 mins late he forfits his visit with the kids for that time.
Also just for your sake it might be good to just kinda get used to having her gone. It is still so hard for me. I cry almost the whole first day. But I have gotten more used to it now and use the time to dothings that are very hard when they are there.
Good luck. I know its hard especially when they are tiny babies
I hope that your birth father is cooperative and remains that way. I split with my ex when my DS was 1.5 years old. I had just finished weaning him. We live 1.5 hours apart. My ex gets right now every Weds. night and every other Fri and Sat. He has Fridays off of work. I pick up my son at the half way point Sunday at 9 am.
Honestly this schedule is pretty complicated. I think it is hard on my son going back and forth so many times in a week. When we split I had met with a top attorney in my area and she told me that developmentally children need to bond with a primary caregiver and when they are young they shouldn't be away from the primary parent for more than one night in a row. But becaue my ex was so forceful and dramatic and because the attorney I retained said it was standard for dad's to get one week night and EOWE, I gave it to him.
If I were in your shoes I would continue to offer him for as long as he will allow just daily visits. He can come see her one week night and saturday mornings for example. If your ex is willing to do that I don't see any reason to have overnights for a long time. Maybe at 2 or 3 years old he could start getting EOWE. On the weekends my son is with his dad I really miss him but it is nice to have some time for myself. At first is was super difficult especially because my ex left me for another woman and she was always there with my son. But after a few months I started to get more used to it mainly because I enjoyed my free time and because I know how important it is for my son to have a relationship with his dad.
Most pyschologists believe overnights should start no earlier than between three and fours years, when the child can articulate his/her needs. That's not to say all kids fit into that category. And, not all courts and judges agree. Some will send a newborn off for week long extended visits. It really depends on your state. The typical standard is short, frequent visits a few times a week, gradually getting longer over time.
Get a lawyer, do your research, and know your rights. Don't be bullied into something more than you're willing to give, and more than the state would authorize anyway.