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Hanging on By a Thread...

MommyinTraining44MommyinTraining44
in Working Moms

Hi there!  I am a first-time poster, I hope you will have me. My name is Jessica. I have been married 3 years next month to my husband Joe and had my first baby, a girl named Briggs, in February.  

There are a lot of things I love about being a working Mom -- my relationship with my partner has improved since returning to work, baby is happy, healthy, and loves all her friends, and I get to have adult time and continue to grow my career and my maintain my interests...

That said, this working stuff is HARD! I mean, REALLY HARD.  I feel like I barely get enough time with Briggs and when I do it is chaotic and rushed while trying to get dinner on the table, feed the baby, pick up around the house.  By the time the dust settles on our chaotic evening and baby is in bed and the house is somewhat orderly, it is 9-9:30pm and I just want to sit and do nothing. 

I like working, but I don't love my job.  I'm still carrying an extra 25 pounds around, and I barely have the energy to love on my husband these days.  I am EXHAUSTED.

I am wondering if any more experienced working mommas with a little more time under their belts can give my some pointers on how to feel like my world isn't falling apart at the seams half the time. 

Yes, I am a drama queen, but I would love some words of wisdom or any support you might have to offer.

 

Thanks :) 

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Re: Hanging on By a Thread...

  • loneybaloneyloneybaloney member

    Hi and welcome! I feel your paing...I think what you're experiencing is a common plight of working moms. It *is* hard work!!

    My best advice is to do as much prep work for the week as you can on the weekend. This has helped us tremendously. While DS naps, I catch up on laundry, bills, etc. Do you send Briggs to daycare, or do you have someone come to your house? We have a nanny and she picks up/starts dinner, and that has helped hugely also. That's one of the reasons we chose to have a nanny.

    Also, if you can afford it, outsource what you can - yardwork, deep cleaning, etc. I finlly did, and let me tell you, I;m like a new Momma!!

    Good luck. Briggs is still small, but it does get easier with time.

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  • duchess0727duchess0727
    It gets easier with time - my LOs are 5, 3 and almost 1 and I feel like a crazy person most of the time, but I can manage.  I would agree with pp - we hired a cleaning person and a landscaper.  These are things we won't do ourselves until the kids are older.  We try to pick one day a weekend to do errands and one day to do something fun together as a family. We also try to run errands at lunch or on the way home from work so we get a head start on the weekend.  And I get up 20 minutes early so I can do a quick workout before the kids get up.  My husband and I try to schedule regular nights out so we can catch up alone.  Usually it's an hour after the kids are sleeping, so we don't miss much time with them but we get out of the house so we don't think about housework, dishes, bills, etc.  We also try to make a point to go out with friends so we can get a break.  Good luck - it does get easier.  I promise! 
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  • NicoleWINicoleWI member

    It's still hard for me, but it's much improved now that the kids are older. For me, both times, it was much easier overall once my baby turned one...and especially 14/15 months, which was a big turning point for some reason for both of my kids. I have never had things under control at all with an infant at home, especially since DH is gone a lot and I"m on my own. It will get better!

    That said, I am sitting here exhausted while the kids go wild while I try to muster up the energy to do jammies. :)

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  • laurakaz13laurakaz13 member

    Ditto everyone else. I does get easier as they get older.  My DD sleeps from 7-7 and all I do after she's in bed is work out, get ready for the next day or hang out with DH. 

    Recommendations:

    - Hire a cleaning service.

    - Do not "get dinner on the table" every night.  Make something ahead of time that can be heated, have sandwiches or easy meals occasionally, etc. 

    - Don't tidy up until the weekend. 

    My priorities are 1. Hang out with DD and DH.  2. Work out.  3.  Get ready for the next day.  4. Everything househould related.  My house is NOT a disaster. It is quite clean and neat.  It's totally doable. 

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  • Ms5586Ms5586 member

    Welcome!  I think there are certainly ways to make you less stressed.  Here are some of mine:

    1.***Starred because it is the most important.  DH should be an equal partner.  He needs to help.  He should be able to take care of Briggs, do dishes, put dinner away, do laundry, whatever needs done.

    2.  Use a slow cooker as much as possible during the week, that way dinner will be ready for you, and you can all eat together as a family. 

    3.  Meal plan, and do any prep you can on the weekends.  Cut/chop veggies, trim meat, etc.  If you are doing a slow cooker meal, add all the ingredients into a ziploc bag so you can just dump it in and turn it on.

    4.  Don't be supermom.  My laundry gets done on the weekends.  I dry things that can get wrinkled, and sometimes do those during the week (socks, underwear, towels, pajamas, workout clothes, etc).  Don't expect your house to be spotless.  Have it be tidy, but you don't have to sweep and dust and mop every single day.

    Also, figure out what works best for you.  You won't be able to implement every single tip in this thread overnight.  Tell DH that you need a few hours this weekend to get organized.  I am a list maker, so I typically have a list of things that need done for the week, and I break them up throughout the week.

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  • mylittlesunshinemylittlesunshine member

    I just returned back to work after taking 6 weeks off with DD2. It get easier trust me.

    The first few months are going to be hard, especially if you haven't been back to work that long.

    I have never hired outside help and am able to keep my house manageable. I might have dishes in the sink, some toys scattered around and my bed isn't made, but that is where you have to prioritize. What I found helpful to get things done is try and include your daughter. Even if she is small. Put her in her bouncer or bumbo and sit it up so she can see you. Talk to her as you do things. As my DD1 got older, she started to love to help me with things. We still get quality time in and have fun doing "chores". Sure sometimes it takes a little longer with her "helping", but we usually make a fun game out of it and she loves it.

    I *try* to pick up DD1 toys after I get both girls to sleep, which sometimes doesn't happen until I get the baby down at 9:30...and even then it might only be 5 minutes worth of picking up. Little bits here and there go a long way.

    I found it got easier when we did Ferber with DD1, I got a little more of my evenings back and had a lot more time to get things done because I wasn't rocking, walking with or nursing a baby to sleep. Once she gets older (and if you choose to do sleep training) it really helped me gain some time to get a few more things done around the house....Including getting in some "me time".

    We try and cook a "big" meal on Sunday and then have leftovers throughout the week to save on cooking time.

    GET YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP! If he isn't already, housework should be BOTH of your responsibility.

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  • catsinawindowcatsinawindow member

    Ditto PP who said it gets easier as they get older.  Your daughter is about 5-6 months right now, yes?  I remember having a rough patch when DS was around that age.  I think it was because I felt like I should have it all together, but I didn't.

    Slow cooker changed my life.  It's AMAZING to get home and have a healthy hot meal already cooked and just need to make up some pasta/rolls/rice to eat with it.  Check out this website:  https://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2007/12/alphabetical-listing-of-recipes.html for crockpot recipes.  Some of the recipes are a bit "goumet" but others are super easy.  I assemble the crockpot either the night before after DS to bed, or in the morning before I leave.  Then it cooks all day while we're at work.

    If you can hire a cleaning lady, that would be great.  If you can't afford it, get DH to help and do a little each day.  And become OK with some mess.


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  • brewcitybridebrewcitybride

    I've been doing this working mom thing for 4 years now, and I've got two kids, so take mya dvice for what it's worth.

    My savior has been letting things go in the evening. Figure out some shortcuts and implement them ASAP so you have more time with your baby. Then you won't feel so overwhelmed when you get home.

    For me, it's having dinner already prepared and I can just pop it in the oven, or having DH pick up take-out on his way home. Don't clean every night. Don't worry about the laundry or the dishes. Hire a housecleaner if you can afford it.

    I didn't read how old your baby is, but I found that it got easier as the babies got older. Their bedtime got later, and there was more time to spend with them.

    Hang in there! Being a working mom is tough, but for me, the rewards out weigh the negatives!

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  • MommyinTraining44MommyinTraining44

    Thank you so much for all the comments!  I think the biggest thing I am hearing is that IT WILL GET EASIER.  And I know it will, but I hate feeling so uncomfortable.

    And my slow cooker is collecting dust.  I always say that I am going to use it, but never follow through on the prep work.  I think this weekend I need to make a trip to Costco and stock up on some freezer bags full of meals I can pop into the slow cooker in the mornings.

    I would LOVE to have a house cleaner but DH sees it as a waste of money.  He is more than willing to help clean and do whatever he can around the house, but I would love to outsource this and be able to come home to an already clean house.  Must keep working on him :)

    Thank you again :) 

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